Once upon a time there were some guys who liked to golf.

They enjoyed playing golf, and they enjoyed going to the driving range and just whacking balls for distance. They'd play games on weekends. They would trade stories about golf, and they'd talk about the things golfers found interesting, like what the best clubs to buy and that sort of thing. And they called themselves "golfers" and life was good.

Then, one day, a group of other guys showed up. They were dressed in various "golf costumes" and were talking about golf too, only they were using very loud voices, and talking about how golf was really like painting or fine wine.

This was a bit unusual, but it was a change of pace and it was entertaining for a while, so nobody really complained. So they co-existed peacefully for a time.

However, it soon became apparent that the new guys had only ever actually played miniature golf, and usually only once, a long, long time ago. (They looked upon this miniature golf with disdain though. And to be absolutely truthful, some of them had only watched miniature golf a long time ag and had only the vaguest notion about how it was played).  Most of them also realized that the normal way people had been playing golf was not for them, but they were determined to take over this "golfer" hobby. So anyhow, for these new guys, their idea of playing golf  now involved taking on the persona of various golf-playing characters. (You know, like one guy would be the "golf pro" and one guy would be the "drunken business exec", and another guy would be the "hopeful caddy" and so on). Instead of actually hitting the balls they usually would just talk (or "narrate" as they liked to say) about how far the balls would fly, and sometimes they'd really get into what the score was. (Had they been KEEPING score. hoho. But that's called "Scorism", and they wanted to examine all facets of the golf hobby.)  The new breed of golfers was certainly unusual and they never could agree on anything except one thing. Whatever golf equipment they talked about, or actually carried around-- it was agreed-- the "new golf" the way they played did not involve balls. Ever.

Many of them eventually also come to the conclusion that they didn't actually need real clubs for the game. They played "clubless" golf! It was a whole new way to play golf. And really, this new clubless way to play golf was more fair than ever before. They were certain that the real golfers woul all eventually play clublessly. (It didn't catch on).

 And every once in a while if a normal golfer ended up trying to use the golf course for the intended purpose, you'd try to play through and a guy would run out saying "You can't play through here, I've got Slow-Golfer 4d6 right here on my golf scorecard!"

If you went to the driving range there would be a guy out there shaking his body all around and chanting rhymes in order to "get into character" before the big game.

So it was a little weird. And after a while it got offensive.

Eventually they started taking over the golf-courses. They'd be all hanging around the field houses talking about how golf is like marxist politics, or possibly like folklore and mythology. You couldn't get away from them.

And they were constantly trying to sell you stuff. Like they'd have a little booth anywhere you went, where they sold little decorative golf pencils (that didn't actually work) and plaid pants and little packets of glitter and such.

It started to get annoying after a while because they were constantly trying to talk about how much more important their new style of golf was, and how the old way of playing golf could give you a neck-tumor. They determined that only safe way to play "golf" was their way. They scoffed at the old golfers who were stuck in their ancient ways of "hitting the ball" and "keeping score". 'Healthy Play' (as they called it) was all about removing balls (and any player skill) from the game.


Meanwhile, across town, it turns out, many people were still playing real golf. Not the imaginary kind where people would describe their tee and how far the ball went or whatever. But it was just golf. and kids were still playing miniature golf. And people were still buying golf clubs and so on. And the game of golf lived on.

This infuriated the story golfers, but eventually they had to agree that the whole neck tumor thing was pushing it.  They finally accepted that they were irrelevant and they eventually all formed a therapy group and joined community theater.

..where they were told that they had no acting talent.

The end.

You rock. In a happy, non-golfy kind of way, unless you're like Alice Cooper golfing that is.

Pretty funny stuff! :win:

I just have to know ... what was the glitter for?

And then there are those who golf only as an excuse to drink.  They are amused that both of these groups  take the game so seriously.

Quote from: TonyLBPretty funny stuff! :win:

I just have to know ... what was the glitter for?

Well... they're obviously LARPers. It's a spell packet.

It's a nice attempt.  But there's something wrong.  I can't quite put my finger on it, but it has something to do with the analogy that puts the "traditional" gamers in the role of actually playing golf while the "new movement" golfers are only talking about it.

Unless you're talking about the guys who actually take up medieval combat, some kind of LARPing, or something of that nature, there's something wrong.

Or D&D has changed even more than I thought - and I just played at a con.

Wouldn't it be fair to make the analogy about golf fans?

Sorry to splash water on the fire.  When I let myself ignore this, it had funny stuff.

I fear that I'm not going to be invited to your table anymore

Quote from: James J SkachIt's a nice attempt.  But there's something wrong.  I can't quite put my finger on it, but it has something to do with the analogy that puts the "traditional" gamers in the role of actually playing golf while the "new movement" golfers are only talking about it.

Unless you're talking about the guys who actually take up medieval combat, some kind of LARPing, or something of that nature, there's something wrong.

Or D&D has changed even more than I thought - and I just played at a con.

Wouldn't it be fair to make the analogy about golf fans?

Sorry to splash water on the fire.  When I let myself ignore this, it had funny stuff.

I fear that I'm not going to be invited to your table anymore

Glitter is just for general theatrics, obviously. Those guys are like Rip Taylor or Doug Henning, I imagine. Always tossing glitter around as they enter the green.

Your'e always invited! Man, everyone's invited to play golf. I don't check nametags or demand bloodtests from people before I game with them. It's just a game. People just have to understand, that when we play golf, it's a game about hitting the ball into the hole, and keeping score. The New Golfers don't just talk about golf-- thats not the problem.  The problem is that instead of playing golf, they are actually "performing" golf.

There, that's my issue.

I think it goes back to something fateful written by John Tynes back in the 90s. John Tynes is a hella talented guy, and I have a lot of respect for him, but I think his too-clever description of the roleplaying hobby as "Improvisational Radio Theater" lead to an entire generation that looks at gaming as something you perform rather than play.

Now-- I should point out-- I actually bought into this same belief for a long time. I have a minor in classics and theater. In college I was in 14 plays, 2 musicals, and 4 one-act plays. I have a band that was gigging (almost) monthly until mid 2006 or so. (I'm in a recording hiatus right now). I wrote and performed the score for a play as recently as 2005 that was (favorably) reviewed in the Washington Post.  

It was almost natural for me to think "Oh, yeah, this roleplaying thing is all about the acting..it's all about the performance. "

It's totally not.

That's not a sustainable behavior. No wonder people have a hard time getting people to show up to their games, or to keep coming back, week after week, year after year. Normal people don't need that. It's weird and strange. But playing a game? Any joe can do that. And if he likes the game, he'll come back week after week. He may not always be up for turning in a command performance. But if it's rolling some dice and kicking some ass? Who isn't up for that?

Almost every single behavior that I have a problem with regarding gaming ties back to that conception. "It's my performance". "Don't block my performance". "I'm the star/artist". "Experience a catharsis through my raw emotional skills!" "Alas my character! She hath been de-protaganized!"

WHATEVER.

These guys are doing the roleplaying thing just fine. I'll grant that. Theyre roleplaying the shit out of it. But they aren't gaming anymore. They've lost the ability.

Gaming without roleplaying is still gaming. Gaming WITH roleplaying.. still gaming. But roleplaying alone, with freeform fuzzy traits and rolling dice for "narration rights".. and doing your improv exercises before you start playing?
This whole romantic notion of storytelling... isn't really gaming. Is it? I grant that it may be fun. It may even be artistic and cathartic and therapeutic and wonderful and all the things people claim. It may even "create stories".

But is it about playing or performing?

I suspect it's just acting with a (completely superfluous) character sheet.

I think the parable misses the variety of golf styles that existed before the golf-artistes appeared on the scene.

Cool!

However, I think it's wrong to throw together the "other golfers" and the "story golfers". There must have been an infight where the latter emerged from the former.

Moreover, I miss the overwhelming "meta league" with the "signature golfers", who dominate over the characters of the "other golfers".

Golf is boring. It's so dull it makes cricket look interesting.

But it wouldn't become more interesting if you removed the clubs and balls.

You could at least have made a parable with something fun.

I think the parable is fitting. Because some people actually play golf for reasons not having to do with the sport at all. They are not there for the game, but for the country club, they so desperately wanted to get into.
And they could extrapolate their intentions unto others.

Reading between the lines, there's a hidden, anti-golf agenda here. Why golf? You find golf funny? What gives you the right to mock golf and use it as a basis for your spurious analogies? Is golf here to provide you with amusement?*

Aside from that, I must remember to tell the guys we're not gaming any more. I'm sure it will shock them all into silence (or into some sort of faux-mime pose with exaggerated emotions). It felt like gaming, it looked like gaming, the snacks tasted like the kind of snack you might eat during gaming.

Cheers
Malcolm

*All said in a Joe Peschi in Goodfellas kind of voice.**
**Do I need to point out sarcasm? I don't know any more. This whole trying to debate things on the internet is beginning to confuse me.***
***Like celebrity magazines, they confuse me as well. I just don't understand them.

Quote from: Malcolm CraigReading between the lines, there's a hidden, anti-golf agenda here. Why golf? You find golf funny? What gives you the right to mock golf and use it as a basis for your spurious analogies? Is golf here to provide you with amusement?*

Aside from that, I must remember to tell the guys we're not gaming any more. I'm sure it will shock them all into silence (or into some sort of faux-mime pose with exaggerated emotions). It felt like gaming, it looked like gaming, the snacks tasted like the kind of snack you might eat during gaming.

Cheers
Malcolm

*All said in a Joe Peschi in Goodfellas kind of voice.**
**Do I need to point out sarcasm? I don't know any more. This whole trying to debate things on the internet is beginning to confuse me.***
***Like celebrity magazines, they confuse me as well. I just don't understand them.

Get the fuck off the golf course Malcolm. We're playing through.

Hell, yeah! Some people cheat! And some people walk and others drive those little buggies. And some people carry their own clubs and others have a caddy. And some people just like to play nine holes and others like to go the full eighteen. And lots of people do business networking on the course. And people like to get lessons so they can improve their game. And divots--they must mean something....

Come to think of it, just about everybody who plays golf is a bit of a wanker.