All in all, thinking it over, being a god is much better than any of the alternatives, Deinos thought as he lay pleasantly drunk on the crown of a hill. The midday sun shone down from a clear sky baking the demigod and the empty wine skins and food containers scattered about him, all gifts from the mortals he met on his long walk back to Sparta from the distant lands of the Scythians.
You get to make your own hours, people gladly hand over gifts of food and coin and bow and kneel when commanded, the women are all impressed to be in the presence of one so mighty. And in return, I have to listen to their endless pleas and when they start getting shifty I go on a mission to beat down some of their enemies like the Scythians. Yes, it is the good life until someone from the homeworld sarts sticking their nose into my life and messing up my myths. Then it's off to find a new city and collection of yokels to adopt me as patron deity.
He was drifting into sleep when he heard the sound of four sets of footsteps coming up the hillside. Opening his eyes to mere slits he could see Sparta below and a city councillor, the High Priest of Deinos, and two guards approaching.
The priest spoke first.
"Oh great and zestful, Deinos, god of Sparta and terror of the -"
"Cut it out," the councillor said to the man. "Deinos, how went the war of Retribution against King Arus of Scythia? And why in, the name of Zeus, did it take you so long to return?"
"Who are you, little man, who dares question a god? I do what I do and I go where I go. Perhaps I will beat you down like I did the Scythians!"
The guards take a step back at Deinos' words. The priest's face turns pale and he seems to be torn between falling to his knees and beg for forgiveness or running back to Sparta.The councillor is less impressed and crosses his arms and taps his foot in impatience.
"'Question a god'? All we mortals do is question gods: "Why are my sheep sick?", "Why is there a drought?", "Why is there a flood?", "Why doesn't she love me?", "Why does he love me?". If you don't like the questions then get out of the godding business." the councillor says. "Sure, thanks for taking out those Scythians but while you were gone to the war and then drinking the contents of every winecellar between Asia and here, things have gone to Hades. If you want to earn your keep, then go and convince Menelaus not to do anything stupid."
"Ha! I like your spirit! I think I will take you to Menelaus with me." Deinos, gets up, brushes himself off, picks up the councillor, and walks off.
"Now...", he says to the councillor, "where might we find your winecellar?"
The guards sigh in relief when Deinos walks off without great incident. The priest pulls out a handkerchief and mops his brow and cheeks. All three follow Deinos down the hill.
The councilor places his elbow in the nape of the godling's neck then leans his chin on his hand. "This is hardly the most dignified way to return to the city," he grouses, "the hoi polloi may already consider me to be an ass but there is no reason to give them more proof by entering the gates backside-first."
Bounding down the hill, Deinos notices for the first time that he city is preparing for war. Outside the gates the soldiers of the city stand in formation dressed in their armour. In front of them King Menelaus stands on a wooden platform giving a speech while waving his war axe over his head. In another open area horses and mules stand in traces while the wagons they will pull get loaded with the supplies necessary for a long campaign.
"If you speak well with the king than you can have all the contents of my wine cellar." the councilor says.
"Let us strike a bargain then. We will help each other and all will benefit from this work. Tell me, what do you know of Menelaus' plans?"
"Put me down and I will tell you what I know."
"So be it." Deinos puts the councilor down gently.
Back on his feet the councilor takes an inordinate amount of time smoothing and arranging his robes then runs his hands through his hair and beard trying to rrestore his appearance.
"While you were on your booze tour of Asia Minor with breaks in your drinking and rutting for some smiting of our foes, a diplomatic mission from Troy came to our city. Before talks were concluded the King was called away to attend the funeral of his uncle Catreas in Crete. While the king was away the Trojan prince Paris did abduct our queen Helen and took her to his home in Troy. Now the king and other Mycenaean rulers are gathering their armies to sail for Troy and take revenge on our insult."
He gestures to Menelaus.
"We march very soon. You'd best go get whatever equipment you wish to bring for the voyage."
"Yes, go fetch me wine and food for the voyage. I will talk with the king."
When the king finishes his speech making, Deinos walks up to the king.
"Greetings, sire. I have heard ill tidings have come to this place while I was away. Fair Helen has been stolen. I wish to join you on your journey and assist you in taking back your bride. Do you know if any of my brethren were involved in this dastardly deed?"
"I'm not your servant but I am sure I can find some slave in the city willing to collect your things," the councillor says in a huff as Deinos walks away.
King Menelaus isn't much happier to see the demi-god.
"Made it back just in time to march, huh? Why not have come back a few weeks ago when you could have done some good? Yes, 'ill tidings', but more like a declaration of war against Sparta! Priam's offspring stole the only thing of value in our city and scuttled back to their lair. We will all head out soon with revenge on our minds and with the hope that Paris stays in Illium otherwise none of our wives and daughters will be safe while the men go to war.
"No word of your kind of people being involved but your type are always sticking your noses into everyone else's affairs so I suspect it is so. Have you heard any rumors about this?"
"I should remind you that a few weeks ago I was about your business dealing with the Scythians. I had not heard any of this until today but I will join you, sire. If you like, I can take care of Paris personally."
"No, no, Paris is mine. Achilles has always wanted to see Hector dead. You will find other great people to hunt on the battlefield but those two are spoken for.
"Now everything is ready. We march to Athens where our ships await the gathering of the armies of Greece."
Then I will go and see what I can see and do what I can do."
"March at the head of my army and by the time we reach Athens word of your retribution against Sythia will have spread. Let's see the envy on Agamemnon and Odysseus' faces when they see the great Diemos marching with the army of Sparta!"
It is a march of one week before Athens is sighted. Around the city are camped the armies from many of the Greek city-states and the harbour of Piraeus is filled with so many ships that the sea can only be seen in the small gaps between them.
"Look at that fleet!" Menelaus gloats "The greatest fleet ever assembled will sail to bring down the topless towers of Illium!"
During the march the king seemed much happier than when Deinos first saw him. It seems that being in the field and with his soldiers is more to his liking than hanging about in the city.
Deimos will mingle among all the armies trying to learn what he can.
The soldiers have many differing views but most seem to be looking forward t the war. The Spartans are most in favour of the war, as they feel insulted at Helen's loss. Most others also feel the insult but aren't enthusiastic about sailing and fighting in Asia. Others are there only out of duty or force and feel that if Menelaus couldn't keep his wife locked up then he deserved to lose her.
Religion and superstition are common among the armies and the priestesses of Athena make good coin from the men. Soothsayers, mystics, and other charlatans wander around the camps earning money selling fortunes and idols to the soldiers.
Among the leaders of the Greeks are many of the great heroes of this age, among them are other children of the gods like yourself. Chief among them is Achilles, the greatest warrior in Greece.
Deinos seeks out Achilles.
"Greetings! What glories do you seek in this upcoming war?"
Achilles gives Deinos a knowing nod, in recognition of one child of the gods to another. He speaks with little animation; direct and to the point.
"Prince Hector has proclaimed himself the greatest warrior in the world. I would put that claim to the test. Reports also mention a new hero in their city who may be Hector's match. I will also kill him.
"Why do you go on this cursed voyage, god of Sparta?"
"A new hero, huh? What do you know about him? As for why I go, let's just say it is a matter of pride. And why do you say this voyage is cursed?"
"I know only a little of the man," Achilles says while staring into the fire and tearing a cooked chicken apart in his hands. "He showed up in Troy not so long ago and quickly rose through the ranks of the city's defenders. We all must have our glory in the battle, for you I have chosen Sarpedon. On the battlefield you can hunt him down and send him to the grave."
He eats some of the chicken.
"The war is cursed. Already the witches and fortunetellers predict the loss of most of us. Menelaus speaks of revenge and restitution. But those are unworthy reasons to fight. Sparta lost her honour when Helen left; winning her back will not erase the stain. It would be better to Menelaus to find a new, better wife and produce heirs for his city. The gods will deal a just fate for Paris and Helen in their own time."
"Cheer up, man! Are we not eating good chicken having good conversation sitting by a warm fire? Perhaps we are the just fate that the gods have ordained!"
Dienos' good cheer doesn't bring Achilles out of his dour mood.
"Have the Fates woven the thread of our lives through this war? Are we unable to change our destiny? Or is fighting against the Fates simply what they have determined for us?"
Two others come near the fire. One is a tall muscular man who places his hand on Achilles' shoulder as a comforting gesture as he sits down beside the demi-god. The other is a woman who keeps her face mostly covered by her shawl and stands at the edge of the fire's light. She stares at Dienos though she gives no clue as to the reason for her interest.
"Greetings!" Deinos says to the man. "And greetings to you as well," he says to the woman. "Will you not sit by the fire and bring some cheer to this gloomy conversation?"
The woman giggles shyly then turns and runs off.
"It seems that you have caught the eye of Iphigenia," the newcomer says. "Not a surprising occurrence when a young girl spies the hero of Sparta.
"I see that you have been trying to lighten the clouds above Achilles," he continues, "Truly a labour of the gods. Zeus would not even dare to set such a task for Heracles."
This man seems friendly enough although he doesn't give his name. But as he seems so close to Achilles Deinos can deduce that he is Patroclus, Achilles' tutor and companion.
"Perhaps you will have more luck there than me, Patroclus. I will get some sleep before we sail. Until the morning..."
While heading back to his camp Deinos gets many cheers and salutes from the assembled soldiers. Obviously, word of his godhood and defeat of the Scythians had made the rounds.
Early the next morning the commanders bein the long process of loading up supplies and troops aboard the ships. For those still waiting on shore, some enterprising soldier has started a mini Olympics and is looking for athletes to participate.
Deinos enters the competition. What are the events?
Wrestling, javelin, archery, foot races, shot put, equestrian. None of the other great heroes seem to be about and looking at the competition Deinos doesn't think that he will have much difficulty winning any event he partakes in.
He sees Iphigenia looking on with her face still covered but showing a bit more leg. Many of the athletes have seen her too and flex and show off in an attempt to get her attention.
Deinos walks up to Iphigenia. "Dear lady, do you know where the other great heroes might be? I was hoping for some competition in these games."
"So foolishly bound to their duty, they are," she replies, "they have lost the heart of our common solder, but you still know to inspire and cavort with them. Go forth and show them the might of Dyonysus' progeny and inflame them for the war to come.
"And if you do it well you may win the heart of a lady," she says with a wink and only partially hidden leer.
An older man standing a step behind her frows at the words.
Discreetly, so as not to draw Ignatia 's attention, Deinos asks the old man about the other heroes.
"Gathered in Athens are too many of the great heroes of our age. No city, even one as well defended as Troy, can withstand our mighty gathering. Agamemnon, Menelaus, Ajax, Achilles, Petrolucus, Odysseus, Protesilaus, Philoctetes, Diomedes, and yourself are among the greatest. The Trojans can send less than half that number of heroes against us. Let them have their great walls and topless towers, we will tear them down and set Priam and Paris to the sword." he says fervently.
"Come, hero Deinos," Iphigenia interrupts, "the games await and I wish to see you ride that horse first then compete in the wrestling after."
Although the woman is young she is fully aware that the wrestling is done naked.
"Tell me the truth of why you frowned. Have the gods given you insight?"
"Well, it seems that while Agamemnon is devoting all his time to preparing for this war his daughter is using her new-found freedom to try and, ah, make friends in the camp." he frowns again.
"We all need friends! Let Agamemnon know I will look after his daughter. Now I go inspire these young soldiers!"
Deinos runs to the horse and jumps on. "Let's go!"
The horse buckles and has difficulty finding its feet (hooves, I should say) when the giant demi-god first lands on its back but it is a strong and well-trained animal and quickly takes to Deinos' lead. The other competitors are easily outclassed b Deinos and he quickly wins the event.
Iphigenia claps and jumps with joy watching Deinos win the race.
Deinos bows and then says to Iphigenia, "Come, let us watch the others in the wrestling event!"
"Yes, my Lord," she says with a squeal. "But I am so much more interested in seeing you compete in the fighting!"
The older man continues to frown and with every exchange between Deinos and Iphigenia his mouth draws down more. More than seems possible in an ordinary man.
Deinos ignores the old man. "These others would have no chance against me. I am here to inspire them to greater feats."
"Certainly, my lord, but will they not be more inspired when they see the awards you will earn from the competitions?" she says with a wink.
"Excuse me, my lady, but I just remembered that I must confer with the king."
Deinos gets up and walks past the old man. "Watch her."
"Certainly, Lord Deinos," the man says and for the first time seems less gloomy, "Her care is my duty commanded by King Agamemnon."
The girl is less pleased and Deinos can tell that she stamps her feet under the dress and begins to pout.
"Just because you have to guard me doesn't mean that I can't have whatever fun I want, Calchas. Just follow at a distance and don't scare off my friends. If my father knew -"
The rest of the harangue is lost in the noise of the crowd as Deinos walks to the general's tent. The guard at the tent recognize him and he is granted admittance. The crowd inside give him a respectful wave. At the centre of the room Agamemnon sits with Menelaus and Nestor.
"Greetings, good kings. How may I serve you?"
"Deinos, we were just discussing your exploits," Agamemnon says, "Your defeat of the Scythians has freed up many of our kings to join in this war against Troy but a few of these cities are now becoming more bold and unruelly without the threat of invasion hanging over them.
"By the way, has anyone heard from Rhesus of Thrace?" he asks the assembled crowd.
"You exploits in the games today," he continues to Deinos, "have made you a hero to the common soldier. We say you should keep your voice in their ears and maintiain their high spirits during the journey to Troy and in the war."
Deinos sees the old man Calchas enter the tent and continue his frowning. Achilles looks uncomfortable and morose.
"Shall Achilles also lift their spirits?"
"Ha Ha," Agamemnon laughs, "It's this lack of killing that dampens his spirits. Once this journey is over and he can feast on the terror of the hapless Trojan defenders then his mood will be lighter. In fact, you could say that about all of us gathered here."
"Only the return of my wife from her ignoble imprisonment will provide cheer to me and my Spartans," Menelaus grumbles.
"How long before we sail? I am also anxious to face the Spartans."
"The work of loading the ships will begin tomorrow," Agamemnon says.
He looks to the scowling man who has been on Deinos' heels all day. At some subtle sign from the man he continues.
"Sleep deep and well this night, Deinos, for in the morning our true work will begin and rests will be few and far between until Troy lies in ruins."
"I will. May your victory be quick and decisive!"
Deinos leaves and gets out of sight. He will then transform into a lizard and scamper back in to hear what they are discussing.
The discussion continues for hours more but nothing of great interest is heard by Deinos; the leaders talk of which ships will be loaded first and what order they will sail in, of tides and weather and diviner's assessments of the impending voyage. It seems this kind of talk will continue for the rest of the night.
Disappointed, Deinos scampers out, resumes normal form, and goes to sleep.
Not so fast!
When Deinos returns to his tent he finds Iphigenia standing by a burning brazier of coals. The tent is hot, humid, and scented with fragrant herbs she has placed on the fire.
"My father and his men do so like to talk, but I am more interested in deeds," he robe falls off her shoulders. "Come hero, and claim your reward!"
Deinos can sense that the old, scowling man is not looking in on this scene.
Knowing this might be a trap but not caring, Deinos takes Iphigenia in his arms.
Later, during the pillow talk, Deinos reveals that Agamemnon and Achilles seem to be keeping some information secret.
"Oh my god," she purrs afterwards. "If only Helen knew what was available in Greece she wouldn't have needed to go across the sea."
She fills two goblets of wine for them and returns to the bed.
"My father and all his brave companions are fools. Helen wasn't kidnapped - she obviously wanted out of that backwater Spartan place and thought that Menelaus would forget about her and go back to playing with his swords and soldiers. She didn't count on his pride and the mocking from the rest of the Achaean kings, so now here we are about to sail to a foolish war."
Iphigenia throws back the rest of the wine in her goblet then lets out a loud belch.
"Come god-man, there are only a few more hours before my minder will come looking for me - and he will look in here first - so show me the Olympian ways of love once more!"
Deinos wastes no time and shows her.