There are two players in one of my games.

One is my girlfriend, who's been there since Day 1, and the other is a new player who is a friend of both of ours. He joined 2 sessions ago. After the 2nd session, he and my girlfriend got into an argument and he blew up at her.

Now neither of them want anything to do with the other person, but they're still in my game. I am not sure what to do. If there was a clear person in the wrong, I would just kick them out, but it's a case of both of them being wrong. The friend actually had a point with his outburst, but he was about as delicate as a bulldozer about a sensitive issue and it offended my girlfriend greatly. Any wisdom in the words was lost in the harsh tone.

The best thing to do would be if both were willing to talk it out and forgive each other, but neither wants to. So I am left at an impasse.

I could either kick out my girlfriend, kick out our friend who is new but otherwise was OK, or do nothing. Since my girlfriend was so aggravated by the friend, doing nothing basically is the same as kicking her out since she doesn't want to play with him. Meanwhile I am pretty sure he would stay in the game to play no matter how much tension there was, since he just wants to play.

Forcing them to both play doesn't seem like it would work either since the tension and hostility would just bring down the vibe of the game.

What should I do? Is there anything else?

Beat them both with a sock filled with shit until everyone collapses from laughter? :confused: Or not...

Tell them to both grow up and act like adults, and until they sort it out neither one is invited back.

Side with your girlfriend. If your planning on staying with this girl your going to have to learn to swallow the shit sometimes.

Quote from: HorusArisen;983201Side with your girlfriend. If your planning on staying with this girl your going to have to learn to swallow the shit sometimes.

All else being equal, this seems like the right advice to me. I wouldn't advise screwing your friend over for a girl who was no good, but nookie certainly ought to be a tie-breaker.

I guess I'd suggest talk to her in a day or so when she might have calmed down again, tell her you're prepared to tell the other guy to leave, see what she thinks then. If she still wants him out, then talk to your friend, apologise, and tell him he'll have to sit this one out. Maybe you can play together again in the future.

(BTW Internet fora full of RPG nerds generally not the best place to seek relationship advice)

Edit: Also the fact that he's new to this game also should make it easier. If one of my veteran players got in a fight with a new player I'd almost always drop the new player.

Quote from: HorusArisen;983201Side with your girlfriend. If your planning on staying with this girl your going to have to learn to swallow the shit sometimes.

I don't see any other option really if she means anything to you.

Your mate, sounds like he was being a bit of a dick by getting so aggressive (even if he had a point). Although, we are only getting a snippet, so that's what I'd do from information provided.

Quote from: mAcular Chaotic;983148There are two players in one of my games.

One is my girlfriend, who's been there since Day 1, and the other is a new player who is a friend of both of ours. He joined 2 sessions ago. After the 2nd session, he and my girlfriend got into an argument and he blew up at her.

Now neither of them want anything to do with the other person, but they're still in my game. I am not sure what to do. If there was a clear person in the wrong, I would just kick them out, but it's a case of both of them being wrong. The friend actually had a point with his outburst, but he was about as delicate as a bulldozer about a sensitive issue and it offended my girlfriend greatly. Any wisdom in the words was lost in the harsh tone.

The best thing to do would be if both were willing to talk it out and forgive each other, but neither wants to. So I am left at an impasse.

I could either kick out my girlfriend, kick out our friend who is new but otherwise was OK, or do nothing. Since my girlfriend was so aggravated by the friend, doing nothing basically is the same as kicking her out since she doesn't want to play with him. Meanwhile I am pretty sure he would stay in the game to play no matter how much tension there was, since he just wants to play.

Forcing them to both play doesn't seem like it would work either since the tension and hostility would just bring down the vibe of the game.

What should I do? Is there anything else?

One: the player who has been there since day one gets the nod over someone brand new to the game
Two: your girlfriend, assuming you want to stay with her, love her and may marry her, always gets your support
Three: You go talk to the guy, explain to him that whether he had a point or not, once you do it in the way he did it you automatically lost the argument (with any woman). Let him know that he needs to give a sincere apology to her and then we will find out if she can accept playing with you.

Other things not in evidence, what was his point, and does she have any girlfriends in the game.

Immature drama is great for wrecking friendships and gaming groups. Don't feed immature drama.

People who are reasonably mature people don't dump a friend over stuff that happens in an RPG. For myself, I don't want a long term relationship with someone who is unreasonable and immature. Such relationships are way more trouble than they are worth long term.

Part of being a good friend is a duty to help your friend to be a better person.

Classic GMs girl friend syndrome.

It's why I didn't fudge when my wife's character caught an arrow to the femoral artery in a Rolemaster game.  The other players avoided fights like the plague for about three sessions after that.

Dude offended your girlfriend...in front of you...and you're trying to be all King Solomon about it.

Quote from: ArrozConLeche;983371Dude offended your girlfriend...in front of you...and you're trying to be all King Solomon about it.

There you go.

I'm always amused when people talk tough on a forum about playing elf games.

I cannot pretend that I would necessarily do this, but this is what I'd like to think I'd say:

"As my friend, and my girlfriend, I support each of you individually. It is this continued argument that I do not support. One disagreement should not be enough to turn mature adult individuals into lifelong enemies. Certainly not this, and no I don't care who's right. Now, I am going to have to be in social circles with both of you, so if you are going to be obstinate and continue this, what you are really saying is, 'this pissing match is more important to me than how much of a burden it places upon mAcular Chaotic ['s real name].' So if you give a damn about my feelings, you will find a way to deal with a difference of opinion on one stinking thing* and get back to gaming together. You just might find that after a few shared adventures, you just don't care as much as you think you do now."

*or whatever, difference of opinion, taking something the other said as an insult, whatever the argument was about.

I can see how someone with their own issues might mistake this about being tough...however, it's all about having some common sense.  

Your girlfriend is uncomfortable around a guy who got belligerent with her over a game (I assume?). Seems pretty obvious to me that you don't put your gf in an uncomfortable situation over a damn elf game.

Side with your girlfriend. If he sticks around he will blow up on her again, I guarantee it. You want to think it was just one "Bad day" or one "Bad mood" but it always turns out to be a life-long pattern.  And guys who vent their anger on women... well, i'll just repeat that it will happen again. Repeatedly.

Sadly this advice comes from hard-earned experience.