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I've had quite a bad experience with people meeting their commitment to be at a game session. From what I hear this is not uncommon.

Are people just as bad at other commitments, in your experience, or is it just "gaming" that doesn't seem to be important enough to show up on time for?
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Can you give some specifics?

Quote from: Greentongue;749275I've had quite a bad experience with people meeting their commitment to be at a game session. From what I hear this is not uncommon.

Are people just as bad at other commitments, in your experience, or is it just "gaming" that doesn't seem to be important enough to show up on time for?
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It happens if it's tolerated. Some people think it's fine to blow off a game (even some GMs!). I tend to boot players who do that, especially new players, which helps a lot.

There are reasonable and unreasonable excuses for not showing up to a game; we're all adults, we all have other responsibilities in addition to gaming. In an era of rapid communication, you probably should send a text or something to the GM, but even nowadays circumstances can make that difficult.

So... context?

I know how you feel.
I've had my heart set on playing or running Apocalypse World for a while. I have this goal of playing 100 role playing games and I've been stuck at 36% for a while. Apocalypse World would have been 37.
Everybody I invited, everybody who expressed interest, blew me off two weeks in a row.

I am sorry for every time I ever flaked out on a game. I am sorry for every time I was ever late for a game, and every time I ever called to cancel just because I "wasn't feeling well" that day.

Granted, D&D (or whatever game you play) should be pretty far down on the totem pole relative to other priorities. But as a DM, I have to say it's pretty obnoxious when you spend all kinds of time prepping for a session expecting a party of a certain size/composition, only to get "sorry guys, I can't make it tonight" a half-hour before the game.

It is what it is.

Gaming is not that important to some people. Gaming is more important to other people, but circumstances of life etc, can make scheduling an ongoing thing.

You boot the flakes and expand your circle of gamers to increase your options.  Also recognise that long games/campaigns especially can go through stages of changing enthusiasm and commitment.

I have not one, but two big circle of friends who game.

The composition of my gaming groups initially drew mostly from Circle #1, but slowly and surely shifted twoards Circle #2 as people from Circle #1 (already not terribly reliable and commited to begin with; several games fizzled out because of scheduling difficulties) started having kids and spending more time with family. Nowadays it's mostly Circle #2 that provides me with players, with Circle #1 making a tentative comeback as kids hit the 2-year-old marfk and become less demanding of their time and attention (or so I'm told).

I have always reacted unkindly to people who say "Its just a game" .

Well go fuck yourself

Its not a game its a social obligation you have agreed to. No different than a dinner party or Bowling.

I had a friend that was an dedicated Bowler, She bowled 4-5 nights/days a week with different teams. Often with people she only saw at bowling even those on her team. I treat gaming the same way. If someone doesn't show up or gets there to late for bowling the team loses and forfeits. Runing the night, but "Its just a game" right. . bullshit!!

Its a social obligation you made.

Admittedly life does happen and you just can't make it. We are adults and oh well but a casual attitude of it doesn't matter much if I show up late or not at all just because its a game is unbelievable rude in my eyes.

I have one player now who is always late. About to have a talk with her as she has no real excuse for being late, very F'in week. That is enough to be excused from the game.

I also have a player in my week night game who is an actor so he is out of game 5-8 weeks when he has a show (unless he is director then he schedules game night off) but I know this and it is understood that he has other obligations. But we all know that up front. Simple as that.

I believe in Social contracts not that it actually has to be written out but it helps if you at least discuss what you expect.

Just my thoughts

On the one hand, it isn't 'new'.  Jaquays's blue book (1990) has some excellent advice on how to cope with it for example, and I imagine there are sources older than that.

On the other hand, Merls at least thinks it's new.  They're designing 5e to be more approachable, according to the article I read.   Something like "if I can finish a Mass Effect quest in an hour, why not a D&D adventure?"

For specific help, though, we'll need to know more about the people.   There are varying degrees of what's acceptable.   The guy who just can't ever be honest about his availability is different than a parent of a special needs child is different from the roommate who blows you off to watch TV under the very same roof.

For us, it's been Monday night for the past 5 years. If you want to play in our group, you have to guarantee those Monday nights will be free. This is made clear from day one to someone wishing to join. If you can't set aside Mondays for gaming, no hard feelings... We do run one-shots occasionally and we invite those who can't make it regularly.

A guy at my local game shop has been running a table on Sunday for months. Just a week or so ago he had to cancel because not enough players showed up. I was there when he got a text message from one of the players who must have somehow suddenly realized he was too sick to attend. No "I may not be able to make it" warnings, just a single text less than a half hour before the game was supposed to begin.

If more than one person is flaking out, you may need to revise your schedule. Some people can't do once a week. It might be better to play twice a month with 5 players than once a week with 2-3.

It could also be that you're trying to turn friends into gamers. If this is your hobby, you may need to build a group of other hobbyists, rather than try to convert friends into caring about gaming as much as you do.

Quote from: BedrockBrendan;749277Can you give some specifics?

Mostly just venting. The worst is Play by Post where you get people that are all excited to play the game you describe, make characters then never continue.

The most recent table top example was people wanting to try a Savage Worlds game at the game shop but no two people showing up on the same weekend time.

Lucky that MtG only needs one other person and they don't even have to be the same person every time. Still, fond but fading memories of RPG gaming. :(
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Quote from: Greentongue;749365Still, fond but fading memories of RPG gaming. :(
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Amen brother. I have three gamers WHO LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE AS I DO and we can't get our collective shit together. We talk about it all the time but never seem to get to play.

That is one of the allures of MtG. Twenty minutes, one stranger. Done.

I don't play that anymore because it's too expensive to keep up with play sets of all the new cards. But there's a definite allure.

But more to the point: One way to change player behavior is to change the game parameters.

If you set up a sandbox, you don't need the same group to come each week. Wind up a living world and let your guys know ahead of time that their characters will only be able to participate if they make it back to town in the interim to pick up the next group that shows up.  Otherwise, they are considered to be "camping out" wherever you left them.

Then, #1, players will want to make it so they can play their mains so they will naturally wrap things up and retire at the end of the session, and #2 they will show up more because they don't want to fall behind in terms of XP, treasure and exploration rewards.

Quote from: languagegeek;749318For us, it's been Monday night for the past 5 years. If you want to play in our group, you have to guarantee those Monday nights will be free. This is made clear from day one to someone wishing to join. If you can't set aside Mondays for gaming, no hard feelings... We do run one-shots occasionally and we invite those who can't make it regularly.

For us, it is every other Sunday night. It's been that way for ten years now. Of course, holidays and other events do arise from time-to-time so it is probably closer to 20-21 sessions a year as opposed to 26. Otherwise our attitude is similar to languagegeek's.

Adults have a lot going on in their lives.

Adults realize that things can happen quickly.

Adults also call to cancel social engagements when necessary.

Play with adults.

It is hard.
Regular scheduled nights help; the consistency allows for life's exceptions without canceling the game.
Splitting the party for their own interests also is a way to deal with it, so you don't cancel just because a few can't show.
Stable of characters is another idea; positive reinforcement of those who show.

I'm tempted to use negative reinforcement, because my viking hat is itching to gore someone. I'm thinking about degrading XP. Don't show up enough and hear of how your character gets weaker staying at home, atrophying...

The group I'm in games every other week.  There have been issues with people not passing the word that they won't be making it, or at least not till just before game.  As a couple of us have good long drives before or after the game (45-60 min in my case) this got old fast.

So we have two games going, our normal game (currently 3.5 Rise of the Runelords), and a second game where every one has a 3.5 gestalt char so we can run a game with only three chars as opposed to our normal four no matter who doesn't show up to the DM's house.

Quote from: Scott Anderson;749404Amen brother. I have three gamers WHO LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE AS I DO and we can't get our collective shit together. We talk about it all the time but never seem to get to play.

You should prep something for the next time you talk about it and start playing instead. ;)

Quote from: Scott Anderson;749404That is one of the allures of MtG. Twenty minutes, one stranger. Done.

I don't play that anymore because it's too expensive to keep up with play sets of all the new cards. But there's a definite allure.

For what it is worth, Elder Dragon Highlander or Commander as it is now called doesn't require keeping up with play sets. You can use just about every card ever printed, forever.

The problem I've found with the spontaneous PG games is matching expectations. The ones where you sell it ahead, you get the people that say they want to try it.
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Quote from: Greentongue;749466For what it is worth, Elder Dragon Highlander or Commander as it is now called doesn't require keeping up with play sets. You can use just about every card ever printed, forever.

Yep, I play EDH these days, with a group of folks as fun to be around as my rpg groups. It's a little more schedule-accommodating than RPGs, but I tire of it quicker.

Quote from: 3rik;749458You should prep something for the next time you talk about it and start playing instead. ;)

Just now switching from LL to my own B/X homage game...

I have a nice campaign arc that we are going to get into next time. We actually made a weekly date so we will play: Thursday, 4-6. I'll let you know tomorrow night how that worked.

This is one area where old-style open table campaigns really excel.  If you can handle 4-10 players, and you have 10-12, you can pretty much always assume that a game is on, regardless of who shows.

(shrugs)  I've been doing it the same way for several decades now.  

To wit -- for example -- I'm running on 2nd and 4th Saturdays, from 11:30 AM to 6 PM.  Those who make a regular commitment to make at least 3/4ths of the sessions (and that's a bare minimum) get to play.  Those who can't don't.  The end.

Some of the details are malleable ... for instance, end times for my main group for about seven years now have been based around getting players to the last train home, on time.  But once they're set, they change only for one-offs, and only by unanimous consent.  Everyone can make the 3rd Saturday this week, because Andrew's daughter's graduating on the 2nd, right?  No?  We'll be sorry to miss you, Andrew -- Amanda'll drop you a line telling you what you missed.

And that's the way it works.  It's not -- and never has been -- the case that People This Day And Age just can't be expected to commit to a game.  It's that a lot of gamers don't make gaming a priority, and a lot of us tolerate it.

Sorry, not me.  I've been involved in a couple too many startups where the GM had an over-large putative group, tried for weeks to get unanimous consent over a day and time, finally got a day and time agreed to, was badly disconcerted when over half the invitees didn't show, and there never was a second session.  Screw that.

Quote from: robiswrong;749494This is one area where old-style open table campaigns really excel.  If you can handle 4-10 players, and you have 10-12, you can pretty much always assume that a game is on, regardless of who shows.

In college where we often had double digit attendance, we had a backup GM and would split the party intentionally.  Though we did have the advantage of being able to play down in the commons where there was room enough for that sort of thing.  We once tried it with a New Years game in a large living room and it didn't work as well.

I make a point of selecting only players with a high level of commitment.  Its understood that if you are in one my games, you will be coming to it any time we play; excluding emergencies.  So when my players don't show, its for a good reason.

I don't think this has anything to do with 'adult behaviour'; or rather, I don't think its very adult behaviour to say you're going to commit to something and then fail to do it.  I think that if you are a very busy person, and can't say that you'll be somewhere once every two weeks (or whatever) then the "adult" thing to do would be not to attend such a group, and find another group that's far more relaxed about attendance.  There's nothing wrong with the latter kind of group either; only the former make for more stable groups that allow for more stable long-term RPG campaigns.

I generally have more players than is strictly ideal (at any given time around 6-7 total have active characters in the game), so when someone doesn't show for a given session it's usually a blessing in disguise - personally I think the ideal group size is 3-5 players plus a GM, so on nights where we're one or two players down we often actually get more done in-game.

I also have very thoughtful players who notify the group in advance if they can't make it.  If a person has to miss more than about 2 sessions in a row I usually concoct a credible reason for their character to go "on leave."

We essentially play once every two weeks, so when more than 2-3 people can't make a session, we just cancel the game and play the week after, and then sometimes play an extra session the week after that to keep the game's momentum going.

We also always cook a group dinner on gaming nights with a rotating schedule for food & drink responsibilities, which helps keep people accountable - not showing up for a game is one thing, not showing up for a game where you were scheduled to cook is another, since the group then has to order food and split the bill.  I think that the added bonus of a free meal, free beer, and gaming probably helps to incentivize people to come regularly, though, and non-attendance is never a serious problem.

Quote from: finarvyn;749321he got a text message from one of the players who must have somehow suddenly realized he was too sick to attend. No "I may not be able to make it" warnings, just a single text less than a half hour before the game was supposed to begin.

As a personal trainer, people pay 35 bucks or so for half an hour. If they let me know the night before, we reschedule. Otherwise they just lose their money. Overall about 1/6 sessions never happens. You get some people who'll show up with a broken arm and fever, others miss about half, so the effective price for them is 70/session. Average miss rate is 1/6.

So, even when people are actually losing money by not showing up, they're stilly disorganised and flakey.

Some people just don't have their shit together. People go, "oh, it's the busy modern lifestyle," and all that, but it's bullshit. The people with a 40-60hr/week job, a spouse and kids show up to their PT or game session every time. The young single ones going to uni or with a part-time job are hopeless.

Had one member who was semi-bad at that. If I was DMing, hed show up pretty much without fail. But for most anyone else or himself. 50/50. Then nothing. Dead silence after a while. Far as we can figure the problem was his job combined with his SO. Pity as I really enjoyed DMing the sessions with him.

Conversely I had one guy go into screaming psychotic fits because Id forgotten to let him know I was not going to be able to show up for a planned session due to spending all day dealing with severe family problems that nearly resulted in two deaths. And then continued to try and guilt trip me the next day. That ended that RP - Permanently.

Quote from: Kyle Aaron;749911Some people just don't have their shit together. People go, "oh, it's the busy modern lifestyle," and all that, but it's bullshit. The people with a 40-60hr/week job, a spouse and kids show up to their PT or game session every time. The young single ones going to uni or with a part-time job are hopeless.

Yes - people who actually do have busy lives and commitments learn to shedule their lives and organise so a game session slots in with everything else. It's those with the least commitments IME who tend to be the most disorganised and flaky.

Water off a duck's back, to me.

There are 5 people in our gaming group.

Two always turn up and send apologies in advance if they cannot make it.
One, the GM, normally turns up, but sometimes has to cancel at the last minute due to work/family pressures.
One often works away and can spend up to 6 months away from the game.
One is the previous player's girlfriend and turns up when that player turns up. She sometimes visits family abroad, so cannot make the sessions.

Sometimes, the couple cannot make it because one or the other is ill, so they usually attend together.

So, we have a core of 2 players and a GM, who play weekly. The other two come in and out of the game as they can.

Does it bother us? Not at all.

We all have lives and often real life interferes with the game. We all accept that.

There is absolutely no point in throwing our toys out of the pram if someone cannot make the same commitments.

We are a free society, if someone wants to play in the game then fair enough; if they can't make it, then fair enough; if they want to take a break and then rejoin, then fair enough; if they only play occasional games, then fair enough.

Basic courtesy expected of a mature adult is that you can give other people notice if you're not going to attend a group activity you've committed to. It's really not difficult.

I have a full-time job, wife, two children, and live the furthest away from our game. I have never given less than 6 hours notice on the rare occasions I can't make our weekly sessions. Usually it's a day or two in advance that I warn everyone.

The group I play in is pretty large; eight players, including me. There's only one day per week when we can all actually meet up due to scheduling conflicts, but we manage to get everyone there at least half the time.

When we first started playing as a group, I got frustrated pretty quickly with people giving me late confirmation, so I set up a Facebook group. Once a week, I make a post on there asking who's coming that week. I have two campaigns going - a sandboxy Shadowrun campaign we play when everyone can make it, and a more episodic Star Wars SAGA campaign we play when someone can't come.

I think the real problem with this is normally communication. People have busy lives, and remembering to let you know whether or not they can make it to a game can be difficult. Setting up a formal system helps a lot (though I am pretty anal about scheduling and organisation, so this might just work for me).

Quote from: fustilarian;749928People have busy lives, and remembering to let you know whether or not they can make it to a game can be difficult.

This is a cop-out; it really isn't hard in this modern information age to notify other people what you're doing. Especially when a lot of those people have a smart phone and/or are close to a computer most of the day.

I have three means of getting hold of everyone in my group: phone/text, email and Facebook. It's not onerous at all to use at least one of them (email is our preferred for advanced notice, phone for very short) to let everyone know what you're doing if you deviate from the usual schedule.

Of course it requires some consideration of other people, which is the real failing here. Not being "busy". As people have mentioned, it tends to be the idle people who aren't really doing much of anything who are the worst for communicating, not those who actually have a lot on. When you're a busy person, you tend to get good at prioritising, scheduling and communicating by necessity.

Quote from: soltakss;749924One, the GM, normally turns up, but sometimes has to cancel at the last minute due to work/family pressures.

So then no game?

If there's one person who absolutely shouldn't cancel, it's the GM. Guess you're ok with it; I absolutely will not play with a GM who cancels for less than a serious family emergency ('child in hospital', not 'must pick up the shopping') - but fortunately most people have the courtesy not to run a campaign if they know they can't be reliable. My own campaigns last because I prioritise them, which means eg babysitting fees if necessary; unreliable GM is one of the most common sources of campaign failure. But obviously your mileage varies etc and that's fair enough.

Quote from: Kiero;749932This is a cop-out; it really isn't hard in this modern information age to notify other people what you're doing. Especially when a lot of those people have a smart phone and/or are close to a computer most of the day.

Exactly.

I whip open my phone.  I scroll to the number I want to call.  I press "SEND."  The phone's answered.  I say something like, "Hey, Vi, how are you?  Listen, there's a major family gathering scheduled for our next run session, and I won't be able to make the game.  I'm sorry I'll miss it, and I'll catch you the next session.  Give my best to your husband.  Yep, you too.  Take care."  

Elapsed time, twenty goddamn seconds.  Anyone -- anyone -- who claims that his or her life is so awesomely busy as to be unable to take twenty seconds out of it to exercise common courtesy is a liar.  (And, as to that, if your life is as awesomely busy as all of that, what in the merry hell are you doing committing to an activity taking several hours a pop?)

Now sure, emergencies happen, and people who've been in a car accident or have a genuine family crisis can be forgetful.  Quite understandable, and nothing there to forgive.

On the other hand, I had a phone call from the father of one of my players, apologizing for him not going to be at the next day's session.  My friend's relatively routine surgery two days before that had gone spectacularly badly, he had a heart attack during it, died on the table, was resuscitated, and wasn't quite up yet to an hour and a half train+subway+bus ride to get to my place.  (Nonetheless, he still asked his folks to call me.)

Quote from: Ravenswing;749963On the other hand, I had a phone call from the father of one of my players, apologizing for him not going to be at the next day's session.  My friend's relatively routine surgery two days before that had gone spectacularly badly, he had a heart attack during it, died on the table, was resuscitated, and wasn't quite up yet to an hour and a half train+subway+bus ride to get to my place.  (Nonetheless, he still asked his folks to call me.)[/COLOR]

Now that's the kind of player I like! :D
If he's ever in London he's welcome to send me a PM & come play... :cool:

Quote from: S'mon;749934So then no game?

Yep, we have one campaign at the moment, so no GM no game.

Quote from: S'mon;749934If there's one person who absolutely shouldn't cancel, it's the GM. Guess you're ok with it; I absolutely will not play with a GM who cancels for less than a serious family emergency ('child in hospital', not 'must pick up the shopping') - but fortunately most people have the courtesy not to run a campaign if they know they can't be reliable. My own campaigns last because I prioritise them, which means eg babysitting fees if necessary; unreliable GM is one of the most common sources of campaign failure. But obviously your mileage varies etc and that's fair enough.

I'm the GM, so I'm OK with it. :)

We play weekly in a long-running campaign.

I missed last Easter Monday because my wife wanted me to spend one Monday with her rather than with gaming, but this was a last minutes change. Before that, I was ill for a month, so no game. When I go to a convention, sometimes I can game on the Monday night, sometimes I can't.

So, I've probably missed 4 or 5 games this year, so I have made around 90% of the games.

Over the last, what, 8 years of the campaign, I've probably missed 20 sessions, around 5%, so I've made 95% of the sessions.

Is that reliable enough for you?

Quote from: Kyle Aaron;749911Some people just don't have their shit together. People go, "oh, it's the busy modern lifestyle," and all that, but it's bullshit. The people with a 40-60hr/week job, a spouse and kids show up to their PT or game session every time. The young single ones going to uni or with a part-time job are hopeless.

I think this comes down to time management. I work with patents, which means that I have to deal with a whole lot of important deadlines at work I don't get to flake out on, and a lot of work to do associated with those deadlines. That forces me to learn how to manage my own time if I want to have any life outside of work hours at all, and I've done that, which is how I'm able to maintain the gaming schedule I'm able to maintain.

On the other hand, when you're a student or aren't working in a job which requires you to pay attention to long-range deadlines (which is the case with most part-time jobs, where the primary time management task is showing up for your shift), you've got much more spare time, and because you have an excess of it you never have to learn to manage it as carefully as someone on a tight time budget. It's exactly like how kids who've never known what it was like to be especially tight on cash are often lousy at budgeting - you tend not to learn to manage resources you have a surplus in.

Quote from: Greentongue;749275I've had quite a bad experience with people meeting their commitment to be at a game session.

What social contract did your game group all agree to?

Quote from: soltakss;749975Yep, we have one campaign at the moment, so no GM no game.

I'm the GM, so I'm OK with it. :)

We play weekly in a long-running campaign.

I missed last Easter Monday because my wife wanted me to spend one Monday with her rather than with gaming, but this was a last minutes change. Before that, I was ill for a month, so no game. When I go to a convention, sometimes I can game on the Monday night, sometimes I can't.

So, I've probably missed 4 or 5 games this year, so I have made around 90% of the games.

Over the last, what, 8 years of the campaign, I've probably missed 20 sessions, around 5%, so I've made 95% of the sessions.

Is that reliable enough for you?

Yeah, as a player I'd be ok with that. I'm used to GMs running fortnightly or monthly games who cancel half the time... If I ran a weekly tabletop game instead of a couple fortnightly games I would probably only aim to actually run 80-90% of the time, though missed weeks would be scheduled well in advance. My fortnightly games run about 23-24 weeks a year with scheduled gaps around vacation times.

Quote from: soltakss;749975I missed last Easter Monday because my wife wanted me to spend one Monday with her rather than with gaming

Out of interest, did she have any particular reason for this? I can understand "it's our anniversary" or "it's our one chance to see famous singer X in concert" or "this is the day our friends can come over", but some wives (spouses?) seem to do this just as a power thing, because they can, when Tuesday would be just as good.

Quote from: S'mon;749980Out of interest, did she have any particular reason for this? I can understand "it's our anniversary" or "it's our one chance to see famous singer X in concert" or "this is the day our friends can come over", but some wives (spouses?) seem to do this just as a power thing, because they can, when Tuesday would be just as good.

Just messing with my head - she asked why I wasn't going to the game about half an hour before the game would have started. Dontchya love 'em?

Quote from: S'mon;749980Out of interest, did she have any particular reason for this? I can understand "it's our anniversary" or "it's our one chance to see famous singer X in concert" or "this is the day our friends can come over", but some wives (spouses?) seem to do this just as a power thing, because they can, when Tuesday would be just as good.

The famous "shit test."  This is a sure sign you chose your spouse poorly.

Quote from: S'mon;749966If he's ever in London he's welcome to send me a PM & come play... :cool:

Whereabouts in London? I'm there sometimes.

Quote from: S'mon;749966Now that's the kind of player I like! :D
If he's ever in London he's welcome to send me a PM & come play...

Hah, I'll let him know.  Truth be told, he's crazily devoted to playing in my campaigns.  Way back when he was in college (back in the mid-80s), I was in Boston, and he was in school in the extreme opposite side of the state.  He'd drive 3+ hours each way to make a four hour gaming session.  I'd tell him, "Dude, I'm not that good a GM."  He smiled and ignored me.

As far as other factors go, I agree that the GM's equally responsible for keeping a steady schedule.  It's what caused me to take an eight year break from tabletop: I'd gotten heavily involved in LARPing, my weekend schedule became erratic, and I'd been hardcore, all-the-damn-time GMing for 17 years.  I loved boffer fantasy weekend-long LARPing, and I needed a change.  (Can't say I regret it, not least of which I met my wife there ...)

Quote from: Scott Anderson;750000The famous "shit test."  This is a sure sign you chose your spouse poorly.

classy

Quote from: soltakss;749991Just messing with my head - she asked why I wasn't going to the game about half an hour before the game would have started. Dontchya love 'em?

Hmm. We have a calendar with D&D nights etc scheduled on it, that doesn't get messed with. :D
Although thinking about it, as Kyle Aaron indicated upthread, we got organised because we had a child and had to get organised in order to schedule babysitting, school pickup etc; I remember things being a lot messier back in the old days.

Quote from: Scott Anderson;750000The famous "shit test."  This is a sure sign you chose your spouse poorly.

I could be wrong, but my understanding is that shit tests are a natural part of female behaviour to a mate or potential mate, they're not an indicator of contempt and they don't indicate a bad woman, what matters is how they are handled. I've learned (somewhat painfully) that the correct response is not to supplicate to them, you have to go "of course I'm going to the game" - in good humour. OTOH you should probably aim to do something nice - but unsolicited - for her soon afterwards.

Quote from: Dodger;750006Whereabouts in London? I'm there sometimes.

I run games at the London D&D Meetup - http://www.meetup.com/London-DnD/messages/boards/ - currently 4e D&D and Pathfinder per sig, sometimes BX/Labyrinth Lord or AD&D/OSRIC (looking at maybe running my next Paizo AP in OSRIC). The Meetup venues are in central London in the City (Monday/Tuesday) and Borough (weekends).

Quote from: Shawn Driscoll;749978What social contract did your game group all agree to?

Maybe that is a problem. I (foolishly?) think that if you express interest in playing you imply agreement to showing up weekly at that same time. Unless of course an exception is discussed and agreed on by the person running the game.
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Quote from: Scott Anderson;750000The famous "shit test."  This is a sure sign you chose your spouse poorly.

The many reasons why I chose my spouse poorly don't generally have anything to do with RPGs.

The many reasons why my spouse chose poorly definitely include my playing RPGs, though.

What it does mean, is that next time it happens, I can confidently cite this as a precedent as to why I can play on a Bank Holiday, thus taking the moral high ground. However, I have been married long enough to have had the naivety and innocence removed, so I know it won't end well. :)

Quote from: Greentongue;750064Maybe that is a problem. I (foolishly?) think that if you express interest in playing you imply agreement to showing up weekly at that same time. Unless of course an exception is discussed and agreed on by the person running the game.
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There are a lot of gaming circles where you imply agreement to show up weekly at the same time ... unless there's something you'd rather be doing, in which case tough for the group.

Where people get into trouble is when they just presume that the Way Things Are Done that they're used to/prefer is a universal truth.