As others have said, kids will sneak around doing things that their parents don't want them to do. Having said this, the OP knows his sister's wishes, when she leaves the kid in his care. I don't think he should act as the kid's enabler when it comes to rpgs. She obviously has issues with the game, it's a battle she will have with her kid.

BTW did the OP ask for advice?

Regards,
David R

Dude, not being allowed to play these games will only make them seem that much cooler! In a few years, he'll be a roleplayer guaranteed!

Just keep having the books there, letting him see them but not get to play with them, and I bet you anything he'll be getting his own books and running his own games long before he's 18.

RPGPundit

I'm not encouraging deceit here, folks. That seems to've been lost. I'm encouraging the uncle to spend time with his nephew and not throw the issue in his sister's face. If she enquires, he should definitely tell her that he's disobeying her unreasonable dictates.

"My sister though, due to a bad relationship with a gamer years ago, wants her family to have nothing to do with RPGs," is not a reasonable opinion. Put any other group in there, and it'll be obvious why.

Quote from: David RBTW did the OP ask for advice?

Nope, but that never stopped anyone from giving it

And since others had given it, we had to counter it. In this way it becomes a general discussion. Which I think is what the OP wanted.

And Pseudoephedrine, careful there, mate. In a moment you'll be going the rpg.net way and saying that "gamers" are an identifiable and homogenous group requiring protection from bigotry. Which is just silly.

Quote from: Kyle AaronNope, but that never stopped anyone from giving it

And since others had given it, we had to counter it. In this way it becomes a general discussion. Which I think is what the OP wanted.

And Pseudoephedrine, careful there, mate. In a moment you'll be going the rpg.net way and saying that "gamers" are an identifiable and homogenous group requiring protection from bigotry. Which is just silly.

 Pseudo already sees everything as poltical - so it wouldn't be that far a stretch for him.


- Ed C.

Quote from: Koltar2) My gawd you're young and think you know everything!!

Conversely, just because you're 'old' doesn't mean you know anything worth knowing.

Quote from: Kyle AaronNope, but that never stopped anyone from giving it

And since others had given it, we had to counter it. In this way it becomes a general discussion. Which I think is what the OP wanted.

And Pseudoephedrine, careful there, mate. In a moment you'll be going the rpg.net way and saying that "gamers" are an identifiable and homogenous group requiring protection from bigotry. Which is just silly.

Just the opposite, mate. It's his sis who thinks all gamers are alike. I think if she's going to pretend that's the case, you might as well use the same logic to undercut her opinion. It shows how balls it is in a way that's hard to ignore.

Quote from: Kyle AaronNope, but that never stopped anyone from giving it

And I appreciate the advice in the spirit that it is given. I doubt that anyone who has spoken up here has a malicious intent towards either me or my situation. Its just one of those pains in the ass that come up in life.

Quote from: Kyle AaronAnd since others had given it, we had to counter it. In this way it becomes a general discussion. Which I think is what the OP wanted.

Correctimundo!

My situation is one that I'd think happens often in our hobby. Decisions made from bad previous experiances or poor information hindering interested newbies from getting into gaming. That alone is worth discussion for hours on end.


As for my nephew and my sister, I've got all the time in the world. He's just 10 now, so over the next few years I'll feed his interest by buying him books like the Chronicles of Prydain and anime like Naussicaa and Laputa that my sister can't object to. I occassionally write gaming material for publication, so when something sells I can talk to my sister about making money off of my hobby when she visits (because it is always good to be able to show that you can make money from your hobby, no matter how modest the profit). I can always talk about how Traveller helped me to learn my algebra in grade school, promoting the educational benefits of gaming. So, with enough time and patience, I should be able to make a good enough case to convince her to allow my nephew to get into gaming without having to go behind her back. For now, I respect her wishes even though I disagree with them.

I'm torn here as a parent and an uncle.

As a parent, I need to be able to monitor my child's activities and steer her clear of bad influences until she is mature enough to grapple with them herself.  That's my job as her parent.

As an uncle, it's a different matter.  In my extended family it is the solemn but unstated duty of uncles to allow and even encourage young lads to participate in some activities normally forbidden by their parents.  The uncle provides a safe venue for trying out big kid stuff.  Because this is an unofficial capacity it falls to the uncle to suffer the full consequences of angering the parents.  Therefore good judgement and discretion must be exercised.  Examples: At my house my nephew Cameron plays videogames with more graphic violence than he is allowed to at home.  I watched my first teen sex comedy film at my uncle's house well before I was old enough where I could see one myself at the theatre.

In jeff's situation, I'd probably play a hybrid game with the boy.  Something that could plausibly be explained away as a board game.

Quote from: jrientsIn jeff's situation, I'd probably play a hybrid game with the boy.  Something that could plausibly be explained away as a board game.

Now there's an angle I hadn't given a lot of thought towards. Hmmm....

Thanks for the idea!

Quote from: jeff37923And I appreciate the advice in the spirit that it is given. I doubt that anyone who has spoken up here has a malicious intent towards either me or my situation. Its just one of those pains in the ass that come up in life.


My situation is one that I'd think happens often in our hobby. Decisions made from bad previous experiances or poor information hindering interested newbies from getting into gaming. That alone is worth discussion for hours on end.


As for my nephew and my sister, I've got all the time in the world. He's just 10 now, so over the next few years I'll feed his interest by buying him books like the Chronicles of Prydain and anime like Naussicaa and Laputa that my sister can't object to. I occassionally write gaming material for publication, so when something sells I can talk to my sister about making money off of my hobby when she visits (because it is always good to be able to show that you can make money from your hobby, no matter how modest the profit). I can always talk about how Traveller helped me to learn my algebra in grade school, promoting the educational benefits of gaming. So, with enough time and patience, I should be able to make a good enough case to convince her to allow my nephew to get into gaming without having to go behind her back. For now, I respect her wishes even though I disagree with them.

I think you've already solved your own problem. This seems like a safe, sane approach that doesn't rely on conversational sleight of hand or outright deception. Well done.

Quote from: jrientsIn jeff's situation, I'd probably play a hybrid game with the boy.  Something that could plausibly be explained away as a board game.

Jeff Rients: Panzerfaust Of Sense!

Quote from: PseudoephedrineIt's not like your nephew is a table lamp that your sister owns. Just let the boy play, and if she causes trouble about it, tell her she's being an unreasonable maniac.

No.  Just, no.

!i!

I'll just say that Jeff up there knows what uncles are for.  I head to my sister's house with telescopes, air rifles, explosives, electrical projects, computer hackery, and role-playing games.  When I cross the line my sister frowns but it's unspoken that uncles have special dispensation as long as it's played safe.  It's my duty to make sure the kid knows what the boundaries look like and maybe from both sides of them.

Recall that Dangerous Book for Boys?  That's for kids that don't have uncles.

Quote from: HalfjackI'll just say that Jeff up there knows what uncles are for.  I head to my sister's house with telescopes, air rifles, explosives, electrical projects, computer hackery, and role-playing games.  When I cross the line my sister frowns but it's unspoken that uncles have special dispensation as long as it's played safe.  It's my duty to make sure the kid knows what the boundaries look like and maybe from both sides of them.

Recall that Dangerous Book for Boys?  That's for kids that don't have uncles.

All of which is good and healthy.  I expect that my kids, who will be with their Aunt and Uncle tomorrow to alleviate my wife's stress during garage sale weekend, will do all sort of things that would scare the bejesus out of their mother (they live on a river for christs sakes).

But if I said, before I dropped them off, "Just don't let them go waterskiing - my friend died while waterskiing.  I'd appreciate it if you'd respect my wishes." I would expect them to respect my wishes. Not because my fear is rational. Not because my kids are property. Not because I'm raising clones. None of that matters.

Now, would I expect them to not let them swim, or go boating, or get pulled on a tube behind the boat, or a thousand other troubling things that could happen?  No.  I trust they know the boundaries or I wouldn't let my kids near them.  I'm just calling out the one thing I'm saying "No," to up front.

In fact, that's kind of the implied answer. I would take Jeff's sister as saying "look, I know you probably do stuff at which I would shake my head. I understand - you're his uncle.  I'm just letting you know that here is the limit." Look at is as a long leash

* Editor's note: 1) Nobody I know died while waterskiiing - it's an example.  2) I'm agreeing, I think, with HalfJack up until the point she says "No."