Quote from: mcbobbo;589631I'm 36 years old.  Married, with two kids.  My peer group at work isn't into it.  My FLGS is about 45 minutes away.  I'm also new to the area.

Heh. I'm 34 and I think I'm the second youngest person in one of my groups.

At any rate, a practical note: don't limit yourself to forums and other venues of recruitment that specifically focus on gamers. Grow your own! You must have friends and acquaintants from elsewhere than work. Some of them might like boardgames. Some of them - pretty good statistical chances - might be into World of Warcraft or some other CRPG. Some might have simply enjoyed the Lord of the Rings movies. These are all potential players, you just need to fish around.

Quote from: mcbobbo;589631But this feels pretty pathetic, to be honest.

(...)

Secretly, I'm afraid that I'm too old for games, and that such a search would prove it.

What do you guys think?

I don't think it is pathetic or that you are too old for games. I think you are going through change and transitions like any adult would.

I think that first, you need to get rid of that outlook on your own hobby. It's cool to like geeky things. It's cool to have a hobby playing knights and wizards fighting dragons. Compared to getting wasted to beat your wife, to doing drugs to shag whatever moves in nightclubs and wake up the next day wondering what happened to your life, trust me, you are in very good shape.

The more comfortable you are with your hobby, the more people around you will see it as something innocuous and potentially fun for them to try too. The enthusiasm is communicative. You certainly shouldn't be the obsessed asshole who can't get off the topic of conversation to try to plug his games everywhere, but you shouldn't be a recluse ashamed of his hobby either. There's an excluded middle between the two where you are a normal adult who likes role playing games, people around come to know it and, seeing you're a cool dude, they want to try them too. That's where you want to be in terms of outlook so that you can attract people to your games, and not hide your games from them and/or make them flee away from you as soon as you speak about RPGs.

Quote from: mcbobbo;589631Any strategies that work well for you?

I'm 35, have moved from France to Canada into some fairly isolated areas of 1,500 inhabitants or so twice, once on an island on the Central Coast of BC on an Indian reservation, and the other on a second reservation on the coast itself, in a valley with just one road going in and out of the area, two villages, etc.

I never went without a gaming group for very long.

How do I do it? One part of it is the attitude I was talking about: I am pretty open about being a gamer. When I invite people over, people can see my books and miniatures in the living room. This usually sparks some conversations about what these are for. I approach it like any other topic of conversation, casually, I don't linger on it endlessly or act like I'm desperate or anything. I just talk about my hobby when asked and most people are at least interested on a casual basis.

Later, when meeting these people in the local stores or socializing again or whatnot, the subject might pop up again and with it, I get a feel of who might be interested to try. Based on that I will propose just that. I will explain you don't need to know any rules or anything like that, that you don't need any particular supplies or books or anything like that, that it's a game of the imagination and so long as you bring that with you, along with a good helping of humour and enthusiasm to play a game, you're going to be fine.

And we try.

Some players will think "okay, cool" and not try again, but some will definitely have their minds blown and want to try again/play regularly. Which is cool. Speaking of which, from an organizational point of view, having an open table strategy allowing people to come in and out of the game, try it, then miss a few sessions and come back later, construing the game itself as a normal social event and not some required poetry reading, is something tremendously helpful, and potentially a winning strategy with newbies especially. Read this: Opening your game table, by Justin A.

I think it's cool if you can find gamers via meet-ups and websites and stuff, but I also do think that our hobby has become really recluse and closed on itself with this attitude somewhere that you can only play well with other gamers. It's bad for the hobby, and I must say, in my experience, it's bad for you too, because you fall into the usual traps of players with tons of expectations, rigid ideas about their play styles, huge egos and the like.

Playing RPGs with people who don't initially know them solve all these issues because its all new to them, they don't know what to expect, their minds haven't been closed to the possibilities of RPGs, they see everything as potentially exciting and something to try - it's great.

Just see the event/session/campaign as a social gathering between normal people playing a game, like you'd have poker night or play Cranium or Pictionary for a few hours. Then you'll see that some people will really like it and it'll become a regular thing. So really my advice is to (1) stop being ashamed and embrace your hobby like an aspect of your personality you are willing to talk about when you socialize with people, (2) don't limit yourself to gamers-with-gamers outlets, (3) remain open to opportunities, plug your hobby in conversations from time to time, let people see your minis and ask what they are for, etc, (4) don't act like a douche when answering, just be friendly, normal, don't monopolize the conversation, don't go on and on about inane details about your campaign people don't give a shit about or talk about your character for 20 minutes, you know... basic conversation 101 stuff, (5) let a bit of time go by, and then when the  subject pops up again, people might show some interest in playing, then you say "hey, you know what? Want to try?" and you go from there (sometimes that happens the very first time you talk about the games with them, but not always, hence this number 5 here, the point being not to pressure people into it like a raging asshole, but to be receptive to their own cues and desires and seize the opportunities when they present themselves).

Don't worry mate. Relax, embrace your hobby, and you're going to do just fine.

Also, from an organizational point of view, having an open table strategy allowing people to come in and out of the game, try it, then miss a few sessions and come back later, construing the game itself as a normal social event and not some required poetry reading, is something tremendously helpful, and potentially a winning strategy with newbies especially.

Read this: Opening your game table, by Justin A.

Quote from: Premier;589814Heh. I'm 34 and I think I'm the second youngest person in one of my groups.

At any rate, a practical note: don't limit yourself to forums and other venues of recruitment that specifically focus on gamers. Grow your own! You must have friends and acquaintants from elsewhere than work. Some of them might like boardgames. Some of them - pretty good statistical chances - might be into World of Warcraft or some other CRPG. Some might have simply enjoyed the Lord of the Rings movies. These are all potential players, you just need to fish around.

One group averages 45 years of age, my larger group ranges from 47 to 31.  And the second group is all made of primarily with people met outside gaming.

Quote from: MGuy;589741I'd recommend playing digitally for the busy gamer now a days. I've played more games via message board and chat than live (its easier to do over multiple days while live games tend to run into grown up issues).

Seconded. I've never played by message board but play almost exclusively via IRC these days. And I find most of my players in the #rpgnet chatroom.

Quote from: Dan Davenport;589829Seconded. I've never played by message board but play almost exclusively via IRC these days. And I find most of my players in the #rpgnet chatroom.

One of my three games is pure IRC, and we just hit sesion 133.  Notes here.

So I also totally agree with this.

Quote from: LordVreeg;589795Oh, and you never know what you'll fond on the rpgsite.  If you end up near Boston, you can probably work your way into Bedrocks, sac lambs, or even my games.  I know there were a few more....

Definitely. I am always looking for new players and games in Lynn. Have a bunch of ongoing monthly and bi-weekly games going. Right now gathering people to playtest Sertorius (this will be regular and ongoing for the next year at least until we release it in 2014).

Speaking as a grandfather of eight you are never too old to play.

I would fill in the 'location' section of your profile on here and any other forums you go to as you may spark interest there.

Meetup.com is a good way to find players. It has worked for me.

Local conventions are also a good way to go.

Quote from: Darran;589845Speaking as a grandfather of eight you are never too old to play.

I would fill in the 'location' section of your profile on here and any other forums you go to as you may spark interest there.

Meetup.com is a good way to find players. It has worked for me.

Local conventions are also a good way to go.

you, sir, are an inspiration.

Quote from: Darran;589845Speaking as a grandfather of eight you are never too old to play.

I agree! Though I'm only 36, and a grandfather of zero. But getting there...

Quote from: The Were-Grognard;589643I highly recommend meeting in public, over lunch or coffee, before inviting anyone to your domicile, though.

This cannot be stressed enough.

And thery dared to say our hobby was dying because it was full of old grognards and there were no kids playing anymore then you kids turn up and proove em wrong....  

Well I have a bigger problem I move to Singapore in 9 days.
In between the 12 hour days, the family and the social ex-pat drinking/family barbecues scene gaming is going to take a back seat for a while I think.

I might see if i can run a Wiki game or something. Real time web activities will be tricky because my mates are in the UK or Canada and the time difference makes gaming untenable.

Add to all of that the cultureal difference that no only means there is little game penetration in the indian, chinese or malay populations and the tendancy to segregate ang-moh and the deliberate distance between executive and not executive staff and ...meh....

I will check the expat sites and see if there are any game stores but no gaming is better than crap gaming

I have been thinking that maybe running games for my daughter (7) and her friends might work but it does rely on her making friends and that whole thing not being seen as a little bit 'odd' by other parents in a place where most playdates are in the pool or trips to theme parks

Quote from: mcbobbo;589631I'm wondering if the other gamers here can give me some advice on getting a new gaming group going.  Here's my situation:

I'm 36 years old.  Married, with two kids.  My peer group at work isn't into it.  My FLGS is about 45 minutes away.  I'm also new to the area.

I've contemplated reaching out via message boards and/or criagslist to see if I can find other adults who might be up for attending game sessions at my place once weekly.

But this feels pretty pathetic, to be honest.

Also I feel I'd need to be pretty strict about the 'adult' only angle, as it would be at least slightly inappropriate to be bringing youngsters into the house until odd hours, etc.  Also, I'm a brew aficionado, so I'm thinking 21+.

Secretly, I'm afraid that I'm too old for games, and that such a search would prove it.

What do you guys think?

Any strategies that work well for you?

Might help if you told us where you were. Could be there are people right here that are somewhere near your neck of the woods.

RPGPundit

I'm in Rockwall TX, which is on the other side of the lake from Dallas.  I have scouted all the nearest game shops, and there's one over in Garland. But that's a bit far. Not impossibly far, but I want to set this up for success.

Honestly the lack of a FLGS on this side of the lake gives me dreams of opening one someday...

I herald from Springfield MO, and really miss Metagames Unlimited out that way.

Quote from: mcbobbo;590046I'm in Rockwall TX, which is on the other side of the lake from Dallas.  I have scouted all the nearest game shops, and there's one over in Garland. But that's a bit far. Not impossibly far, but I want to set this up for success.

Honestly the lack of a FLGS on this side of the lake gives me dreams of opening one someday...

I herald from Springfield MO, and really miss Metagames Unlimited out that way.

I'm in Far North Dallas. You're welcome to join us if my friends and I ever manage to get an IRL group together.

Edit: Also, on the online gaming front, there's a guy in #rpgnet who's also just getting back into the hobby and who's looking for a game. He's online now, if you want to stop by.