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Crap culture for elves

Started by Simlasa, October 16, 2009, 08:47:01 PM

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Simlasa

October 16, 2009, 08:47:01 PM Last Edit: October 16, 2009, 08:55:43 PM by Simlasa
Maybe this is just another cry for more cultural diversity in fantasy races...
Fantasy and Sci Fi races seem so damn serious all the time... they've all got this portentious history overshadowing them... sadness and doom and personal discipline.
Even decadent races like the Melniboneans don't seem particularly frivolous or silly in their passtimes.
Somewhere there must be elf dweebs who are fat, lazy and spend all their time reading silly elf scrolls about romance and celebrities...
So what might be the elf/dwarf/whatever equivalent of Survivor and Jerry Springer and National Enquirer be like?

How do dwarves like their porn? (are the women shaved?... maybe it's just a lot of drawings of bare chins?)

Narf the Mouse

#1
October 16, 2009, 09:27:45 PM
All the Elven/Dwarven/Orcish wars are really about one thing and one thing only: Keeping score.

You see, they're *All* immortal. And they get bored. So very, very bored. And, of course, (Depending on the source) they're also soul-less.

So, they go out and play 'Doom'. More or less.

As for 'Elven Names' they constantly give out to Humans? What's the first thing you do when you get a new pet, even if it already has a name?...


...What? Sure it's 'GrimDark'. But the Inhumans are having lots of fun! :D
The main problem with government is the difficulty of pressing charges against its directors.

Given a choice of two out of three M&Ms, the human brain subconsciously tries to justify the two M&Ms chosen as being superior to the M&M not chosen.

Girl

#2
October 17, 2009, 01:44:11 AM
Just make them southern elves.

Soylent Green

#3
October 17, 2009, 05:26:05 AM
I recently played a fat elf. Making a elven character fat was my empty gesture of protest for having to play in yet another fantasy game.

It kind of backed fired though because the other players actually really liked my fat elf.  Poetic justic or something I guess.
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Narf the Mouse

#4
October 17, 2009, 11:28:13 AM
All Elves are completely fanatical about pie. Do not insult pie while around elves.

Why? Who knows.
The main problem with government is the difficulty of pressing charges against its directors.

Given a choice of two out of three M&Ms, the human brain subconsciously tries to justify the two M&Ms chosen as being superior to the M&M not chosen.

JongWK

#5
October 17, 2009, 11:49:37 AM
Elves play polo riding unicorns.

Dwarves go nuts with curling.

Orcs love American-style football (or so says Games Workshop) ;)
"I give the gift of endless imagination."
~~Gary Gygax (1938 - 2008)

Insufficient Metal

#6
October 17, 2009, 12:00:06 PM
All elves love writing epic poetry, but 99% of them are cataclysmically bad at it. So there are enormous volumes and sweeping oral traditions filled with the worst sort of tortured doggerel, dirty limericks, and unintentionally hilarious drivel, all delivered with the utmost humorless gravitas.

Narf the Mouse

#7
October 17, 2009, 12:51:46 PM
Quote from: ticopelp;338921All elves love writing epic poetry, but 99% of them are cataclysmically bad at it. So there are enormous volumes and sweeping oral traditions filled with the worst sort of tortured doggerel, dirty limericks, and unintentionally hilarious drivel, all delivered with the utmost humorless gravitas.
Which is the real reason elves stay hidden and remote. "Don't laugh at us!"
The main problem with government is the difficulty of pressing charges against its directors.

Given a choice of two out of three M&Ms, the human brain subconsciously tries to justify the two M&Ms chosen as being superior to the M&M not chosen.

jswa

#8
October 17, 2009, 04:59:21 PM Last Edit: October 17, 2009, 05:01:47 PM by jswa
Quote from: Girl;338845Just make them southern elves.

You're an idiot.

Quote from: ticopelp;338921All elves love writing epic poetry, but 99% of them are cataclysmically bad at it. So there are enormous volumes and sweeping oral traditions filled with the worst sort of tortured doggerel, dirty limericks, and unintentionally hilarious drivel, all delivered with the utmost humorless gravitas.

I like this.

Narf the Mouse

#9
October 17, 2009, 05:05:19 PM
Dwarves, on the other hand, are bikers. They even ride hogs. Well, ok, literal hogs. Giant, tusked boars.

This tells you everything you need to know about the elf/dwarf 'fued'.
The main problem with government is the difficulty of pressing charges against its directors.

Given a choice of two out of three M&Ms, the human brain subconsciously tries to justify the two M&Ms chosen as being superior to the M&M not chosen.

Simlasa

#10
October 17, 2009, 07:08:20 PM
Quote from: ticopelp;338921All elves love writing epic poetry, but 99% of them are cataclysmically bad at it. So there are enormous volumes and sweeping oral traditions filled with the worst sort of tortured doggerel, dirty limericks, and unintentionally hilarious drivel, all delivered with the utmost humorless gravitas.

I like this too...
I've spent way too many nights at coffeehouse poetry readings... lots of melodramatic emo drivel... grandma poems... poems about pet cats.
Now I'm picturing a bunch of elves backhanding clove cigarettes and trying to out-pout each other.

I've also got this idea about dwarf bowling teams who are VERY serious about the game.
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