Hello, fellow gamers:

I come to you desperate for advice.  I am a gamer who immigrated to the United States from Russia about five years ago.  And I seem to be unable to find people to play with here.

Back in Russia, this was not an issue.  Even though there are fewer gamers in Russia and the hobby is not as developed and accepted, I could always find bright people who would have me.  It was tough at times: when I wanted to explore certain games, frequently I had to translate the relevant materials for my fellow gamers or teach people from the ground up.

However, ever since I moved to the United States, I was unable to find a group.  The reason seems to be that my tastes are utterly incompatible with those of the local gamers.  I want to play "authentic" games and explore difficult social and moral concepts through games.  By way of example, when playing a historical setting, I want the game to stay within the shouting distance of the source material.  And in science fiction games, I want to be able to discuss the implications of, for example, the technology that would allow switching bodies (like Altered Carbon).  And that stuff seems to be driving the local players insane.

I have heard before that things could be different in other parts of the United States.  I am currently in New England and have not been out of it much.  Is that the case?

Are there alternatives?  Or do I have to move to find less sensitive people?

Sincerely,
A desperate immigrant gamer.

After gaming in the 'states for the entirety of my adult life, I have the following advice for all gamemasters:

Don't game with gamers

I'm serious. After decades of starting new groups, I've consistently found the best results from recruiting existing non-gaming friends. Gamers tend to develop strong, intractable preferences and be extremely unwilling to compromise or adapt. Brand-new players are more likely to be open-minded regarding gaming; and who better to explore weird, esoteric themes with than say, your sci-fi nerd friends? Who better to explore a historical game with than friends who have conversations about the issue you want to explore?

The basic rule is going to be "can I have a conversation with these people about the topic I want to explore?" If the answer is yes, then they're prime material for being gaming buddies.

YouTube your stuff. Players will find you. Then use StreamYard to RPG with others.

I've never had an issue with players that were not willing to play games with sensitive material and I'm in "Upstate" NY. My recommendation is avoid any game clubs or other gaming groups in the major cities - to many modern college slugs.

My advice is to invite friends to game with you, rather than recruiting random gamers. That's always what has worked best for me.

There some exceptions to the above in my personal experience. I've had good experiences gaming with "existing gamers" that became friends through online forums, first. The key there is finding some like-minded gamers. If you can find a forum or board that is focused on your gaming tastes, you'll have better luck with that approach.

"Gamer culture" certainly varies a lot in different parts of the world, but I doubt you're going to find a European/Continental style preference for mature & deep gaming as the default gamer culture anywhere in the US or Anglosphere. I had a Norwegian player annoyed by D&D's lack of seriousness, a-historical roles for women, et al - now he is back in Norway doing HEMA, film-making, and the kinds of games he likes.

I think you are basically going to have to build your group from the ground up, recruiting from people who share your interests rather than from mainstream gamer culture. You might want to look at recruiting from RPG-tangential hobbies like HEMA or Science & Futurism groups, rather than from gamer groups.

Edit: It occurs to me that boards/groups for Simulationist-oriented games like Runequest/Pendragon might offer some possibilities. I think D&D groups are going to be parched ground.

Quote from: Chubby;1104049Hello, fellow gamers:

I come to you desperate for advice.  I am a gamer who immigrated to the United States from Russia about five years ago.  And I seem to be unable to find people to play with here.

Back in Russia, this was not an issue.  Even though there are fewer gamers in Russia and the hobby is not as developed and accepted, I could always find bright people who would have me.  It was tough at times: when I wanted to explore certain games, frequently I had to translate the relevant materials for my fellow gamers or teach people from the ground up.

However, ever since I moved to the United States, I was unable to find a group.  The reason seems to be that my tastes are utterly incompatible with those of the local gamers.  I want to play "authentic" games and explore difficult social and moral concepts through games.  By way of example, when playing a historical setting, I want the game to stay within the shouting distance of the source material.  And in science fiction games, I want to be able to discuss the implications of, for example, the technology that would allow switching bodies (like Altered Carbon).  And that stuff seems to be driving the local players insane.

I have heard before that things could be different in other parts of the United States.  I am currently in New England and have not been out of it much.  Is that the case?

Are there alternatives?  Or do I have to move to find less sensitive people?

Sincerely,
A desperate immigrant gamer.

Can't you try to hook up with roleplayers through Skype, Google hangouts, Roll20 or something? Everybody can't be so sensitive. What rpg games are you playing? There is no need to move from New England just to play rpgs, is there? Have a bunch of people fill in that silly Monte Cook consent form and look for fantastic people like me marking everything green apart from romance (explicit) and sex (explicit).

Quote from: Azraele;1104050After gaming in the 'states for the entirety of my adult life, I have the following advice for all gamemasters:

Don't game with gamers

I'm serious. After decades of starting new groups, I've consistently found the best results from recruiting existing non-gaming friends. Gamers tend to develop strong, intractable preferences and be extremely unwilling to compromise or adapt. Brand-new players are more likely to be open-minded regarding gaming; and who better to explore weird, esoteric themes with than say, your sci-fi nerd friends? Who better to explore a historical game with than friends who have conversations about the issue you want to explore?

The basic rule is going to be "can I have a conversation with these people about the topic I want to explore?" If the answer is yes, then they're prime material for being gaming buddies.

This is probably some of the best advice that I have read yet.

Quote from: Chubby;1104049Hello, fellow gamers:

I come to you desperate for advice.  I am a gamer who immigrated to the United States from Russia about five years ago.  And I seem to be unable to find people to play with here.

Back in Russia, this was not an issue.  Even though there are fewer gamers in Russia and the hobby is not as developed and accepted, I could always find bright people who would have me.  It was tough at times: when I wanted to explore certain games, frequently I had to translate the relevant materials for my fellow gamers or teach people from the ground up.

However, ever since I moved to the United States, I was unable to find a group.  The reason seems to be that my tastes are utterly incompatible with those of the local gamers.  I want to play "authentic" games and explore difficult social and moral concepts through games.  By way of example, when playing a historical setting, I want the game to stay within the shouting distance of the source material.  And in science fiction games, I want to be able to discuss the implications of, for example, the technology that would allow switching bodies (like Altered Carbon).  And that stuff seems to be driving the local players insane.

I have heard before that things could be different in other parts of the United States.  I am currently in New England and have not been out of it much.  Is that the case?

Are there alternatives?  Or do I have to move to find less sensitive people?

Sincerely,
A desperate immigrant gamer.

You could try online gaming. Note that I am NOT talking about video games, but actual RPG's played online. These are most often done as either forum-based role-playing games where you make forum posts in-character (or as the GM) and another option is to run games via Discord chat, which is free and browser-based.

Quote from: Azraele;1104050Don't game with gamers

This has been my experience as well. My best gaming experiences have been with kids, actually (I'm an English teacher.)

What is your opinion of D & D 5th Edition?

Quote from: Cave Bear;1104135This has been my experience as well. My best gaming experiences have been with kids, actually (I'm an English teacher.)

No wonder kids today are so messed up if they are taught English by cave bears.

Quote from: Cave Bear;1104135This has been my experience as well. My best gaming experiences have been with kids, actually (I'm an English teacher.)

I've run groups in school for years. Last year ran 6th-8th graders. They really got into it. I ran FATE for a bit, then went with my own little hack of old school systems. The second was a bit better for me, because it forced them to work together to survive. In FATE, they did some crazy stuff, and had a tendency to pattern characters after video game PCs.:-/ They did like FATE a lot better, though. I just made sure they knew what was out there, if they wanted to try some things, including D&D. Game them web links and such.

Thank you for your answers.  The abundance of helpful tips makes me confident that coming to this forum was the right decision.

I will try to respond to every point you have made.

1. Don't game with gamers.  That is a good point.  Back in Russia, I had to introduce a lot of people to the hobby, so it is a familiar concept to me.  However, the issues that I am facing trying to find gamers are the same issues that foil all my efforts at making friends here.

Non-gamers I have met in New England took offense with the topics that interest me as much as gamers.  There were four exceptions in my five years here: a guy who was originally from the South and who moved back South (part of the reason I thought moving may be an answer), a fellow Eastern European immigrant who unfortunately lives on an island off the coast, and two of my colleagues.  I am quite a bit hesitant about introducing my colleagues to gaming as I am technically their manager, and it may seem a bit weird.  I will re-consider gaming with them based on your advice.

You have also mentioned looking for "candidates" among HEMA, Science & Futurism groups, and boards/groups for Simulationist-oriented games like Runequest/Pendragon.  I have no experience with such groups, but I will give it a shot.  I would greatly appreciate it if you could give me some pointers as I have no idea how to find these groups.  (tangentially related to HEMA - I am horrified with American LARPers as in my experience they frown upon alcohol.  Alcohol is the most crucial part of the good Russian LARPs!)

2. Play Online.  Good advice that I am already taking.  I have regularly been playing with my friends from Russia over roll20 and Discord all these years.  However, all things equal, gaming in person is better than staring at a screen.  I want to find a local group to meet in person - any online itches I can scratch with Russian gamers online.  (Rush B!)

3. Play with Kids.  You laugh, but my Plan B is to raise a group of super-gamers with my gamer wife.  If I am the first GM they see upon birth, they will imprint on me, right?  But unfortunately, nobody seems willing to entrust their kids to a weird Eastern European immigrant playing pretend with funny dice.

4. No Need to Move for Gaming.  "There is no need to move from New England just to play rpgs, is there?" you ask.  Well, I came to the United States from across the world alone with just a suitcase to make a new life for myself.  Moving a couple of States over is nothing for me.  And I take my gaming seriously!

5. Avoid Major Cities.  I am not sure how to do that.  Could you please elaborate?  How do I meet gamers outside major cities?  Most websites and meetups I could find all point to the major cities - there seems to be little gaming life outside of them.  How should I search?

6. YouTube your stuff.  Having something worth showing seems to be a prerequisite to a successful YouTube channel.  However, if I had something to show, that would mean I had players.  So it looks like solving my current problem is a prerequisite for YouTubing my stuff.  Unless I am misunderstanding you, or you are into Russian-language gaming channels.

7. Game Preferences.  You may find my answer unsatisfying, but I am willing to learn and play any system as long as the underlying premise and topic of the game suit me.

To illustrate, I would not say that I want to play GURPS or play in the Forgotten Realms.  I would say that I want to play a game that poses difficult moral, ethical, or philosophical questions by exploring "what if" scenarios while challenging me as a player.  That game may be a RoleMaster game, a Shadowrun game, or even a FATE game (I have yet to see a good FATE game though).  In a way, system and setting are tools, not goals.  However, there can be shitty tools, so I am not going to pretend that I like any of the "narrative" games.

To the question asking about D&D5E - I do not think it is a particularly useful or versatile tool.  It clings to outdated mechanisms that serve no purpose in the game, and all that clutter stands in the way of the game doing anything right.

Quote from: GIMME SOME SUGAR;1104138No wonder kids today are so messed up if they are taught English by cave bears.

Could be worse. [ATTACH=CONFIG]3842[/ATTACH]