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The SJW Monster Manual

Started by Crüesader, May 13, 2016, 11:08:02 PM

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Crüesader

May 13, 2016, 11:08:02 PM
Behold, adventurers.  I have begun working on a manual for SJW's that can be encountered in the wild.

[ATTACH=CONFIG]44[/ATTACH]

SJW Monster Manual, Entry #1: The White Savior (Albus Messias)

This particular creature is created when a young, wealthy, caucasian humanoid is not exposed to persons of other races or economic status. Without some interaction beyond the purview of the wealthy and sheltered, the metamorphasis towards a Social Justice Warrior hastens upon the ignorant child.

After encountering various documentaries, fictional television shows, commercialized hip-hop music, and internet blogs, the young white creature's superiority complex manifests itself. Many times, the White Savior is in fact very racist- but is desperately seeking affirmation that it is, in fact, not. Rather than be a rational human, it seeks to validate this by resorting to the worst symptoms of virtue signalling.

Fully convinced that all whites are wealthy nobles like themselves, and all non-whites are ignorant beasts in need of a gentle shepherd, the White Savior crusades tirelessly for the plight of races that do not dwell within 100 miles of their home. The White Savior believes, without exception, that the 'unfortunate races' are without any capacity to act on their own, be held accountable for their decisions, or affect their own circumstances in any way without the White Messiah.

Acting on an instinctual combination of racial superiority and Munchausen Syndrome, the White Savior will form a terrifying symbiosis with the SJW creature known as the IAFWM (Irrationally Angry First World Minority, or 'Outrageous Minoris'). Together, these two creatures will exploit one another for mutual gain, often to the point of inciting angry mobs of multiple IAFWM's that can leave entire cities in ruins, like the ancient kingdoms of Baltimore and Ferguson. When the White Savior sees an enemy, it will scream 'RACIST!' and the IAFWM hordes will descend upon them. When the IAFWM's require validation for their logical fallacies, the White Savior will speak caucasian to normal white humans for them.

Destroying the White Savior: Like all SJW monsters, physical violence against the White Savior is like striking the head from a Hydra, except this Hydra screams 'RACISM!' instead of breathing fire- unless you are not white, in which case your attacks do double damage to their spirit. The only thing that can truly break this curse is for the White Savior to actually spend time around Minorities in person, and realize that they are actually human beings just like white people- and that many of them do not desire nor need a White Savior. This will starve the curse and reduce the White Savior to another oversized child that can join another cult.

Warboss Squee

#1
May 14, 2016, 08:22:21 AM
Jesus fuck man. This is the 4th thread you've started about this shit since you got here. This isn't Tangency, so take a breath, slow the fuck down and maybe go talk about some actual games or something.
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