"Martial Artists"

[RPGPundit]

"Martial Artists" and Popularity Contests

I find it really funny, how pretty much everyone I've met who's been the sort to talk a lot about their "Martial arts training" is someone who doesn't scare me in the fucking least.  That's what they set out to do, of course; even the ones who talk about how its "not about fighting" or that they would never use it aggresively, the fundamental purpose of talking about your "martial arts training" is to let it be known to good and all that you are an alleged badass.

Badass, my ass. Now, I myself am no great badass. I'll tell you who is; who I'd be fucking scared of: The guy who never says nothing.  Because with that guy you never know: especially if he seems like he might just be a badass, but never says nothing. But sometimes even the innocuous ones; they're the ones you really want to watch out for, because they aren't feeling the need to cover up anything.
For the rest, its just another pretentious hobby.  Its just like Swine playing RPGs; the Swine do it for the feeling of being smart or talented or special, even though most of them aren't. Likewise, the "Martial arts" guys who brag about it to others, or talk about it amongst themselves, they are doing it to try to convince themselves that they're cool and dangerous.

But I've yet to meet a fucking "martial artist" that's worth two turds in a pot when it comes to a real fight. Hell, most of them have "trained" so long against like-thinking opponents and within certain boundaries of practice that they are utterly inept.

I'd like to see the guy who threatens me with his Kung-fu brilliance when I bash a nice chunk of wood or metal against his kneecap, especially if I already know he's overweight, has anal polyps, and his left knee has gone totally to shit because he's constantly bitching about these things in his blog. After that, its goodnight Bruce Lee, hello whimpering sack of shit getting his ribs broken by a few good solid kicks.

No, I'm not a violent guy by nature really; at least, not physically violent.  I much prefer violence of the verbal kind, I'm a  lot better at it and its less likely to end up with anyone being killed or arrested (in most countries, anyways). And I don't go looking for anything to escalate to the point of physical violence.
I've gotten into exactly one serious potentially life-threatening brawl so far this century (thought that one was a doozy; a drag out fight that escalated first to fighting with chairs and eventually a knifefight, against the meth-addicted drunk boyfriend of an ex of mine, accusing me of trying to steal her back from him and of giving his mother cancer with my mind.. I fucking kid you not). Other than having taken karate classes as a kid, I have no mastery of the secret arts of the mysterious orient (though I have done a lot of Chi Gung, for health), and I can imagine a ton of guys who could easily kick the fuck out of me.

But the ones who talk big about their kung-fu; no. Those are the ones I don't fear at all.

RPGPundit
(July 20, 2006)

[Gunslinger]

It's a mixed pot to be sure with people I've met.  I get your point though and it's the reason I've never been interested in taking Martial Arts.  I've never needed it.  I've met a large number of people that refuse to mullify confrontations or deass an area because of overconfidence in their training.

I'll tell you who is; who I'd be fucking scared of: The guy who never says nothing.

The people who scare me are the ones that won't think twice of hurting me badly and have no fear of being hurt.  The ones that take your best shot and immediately make you regret you did it.

[beejazz]

Yeah... considering what a well placed pipe bomb could do to me, I'd count myself lucky to be in hand to hand combat instead... no matter how competent the other guy is.

It's why I don't trust chemists and electricians and such.

That said, I always kind of regretted not learning to fight. Boxing, martial arts, fencing, whatever... I just think some basic stuff would be cool to know.

[Werekoala]

Played American Football in highschool (as a lineman, arguably a form of unarmed combat similar to Sumo or something), and in college took some Fencing (fun, but the training is intense and rough). So, I can tackle and push people around fairly well, and if I had to I could hold a foil or sabre and not look like a dope. Well, any more than ANYONE holding them does.

Win a fight? Hellllllll naw.

[Sosthenes]

Pshaw, never mind the kung fu guys. The "secrets of ki" mofos usually are too bothered about finding the unique, perfect way to actually matter. The Brazilian Jiu Jitsu or other streetfighting guys are down to earth most of the time, really not big on bragging. It's the sports guys who can be bothersome (kickboxing, TKD, Karate). Too much adrenaline going round. Gets worse if the dojo is, well, "ethnic".

The most high-falutin', nothing-knowing eejits? "Western Martial Arts". My Ass.

[Reimdall]

I have a couple of friends who really know their way around the bodies and the moving of the bodies and the striking of the bodies, and I agree with Pundit - it's rare that anyone who truly knows what they're doing gabs ad nauseum about "fighting" or "martial arts."

Of course, situations that end up getting pushed to action rarely look like "fights" in the media/mythic sense anyway.  They're usually over very, very quickly.

[Koltar]

Whats even funnier is seeing the guys who start going through Tai-chi motions and forms at a casual party in an effort to impress and pick up girls.

...its usually very obvious to rest of the crowd at the party whats going on.

- Ed C.

[Stumpydave]

Whats even funnier is seeing the guys who start going through Tai-chi motions and forms at a casual party in an effort to impress and pick up girls.

They don't like it if you stand next to them doing the "Robot".  No, really.  They don't.

[Sosthenes]

IIRC, some Tai Chi movements would allow you to "accidentally" cop a feel.

[Settembrini]

Western Martial Arts?
I´m sort of proficient in that (follower of the H&K school). It´s deadly, very deadly. I could kill.  
And basically everyone can use it.

Go figure.

BTW: there´s some idiosyncratic and very nasty close combat techniques used in both World Wars.
Every single one of them worked better with hand grenades, pistols shovels or submachine guns.

Unarmed Combat: -> waste of time. (if killing is your goal)

EDIT: And the real badasses, those who really mean business in close up violence, they either use guns, or mob tactics with iron-capped boots and baseball bats. I´m scared of those, and no Fantasy-Fu will help against them.

[Ronin]

There are a few folks who are trained in martial arts that I would be fearfull of. Unfortunatly (or fortunatly depending on how you look at it.) the vast majority of martial artists are braggart idiots.
My buddy Darick has a saying "Gun vs. Martial arts, guns win every time."
While I dont agree with this totally I still think guns win 85-90% of the time.

[Sosthenes]

Shooting _isn't_ a martial art? How come?

[Theodore Sign]

Code Select Expand

                            Base Badass Value
Actual Badass Value = ----------------------------------
                      # of Martial Arts you say you know
Note that if you say you know none, your badass value is undefined, as per RPGpundit's theory above.

Oh, and hi.
[/FONT]

[Sosthenes]

This formula is badly-veiled deception! It obviously is missing the P/N factor. How stupid do you think we are?!?

(Erm, and welcome )

[SunBoy]

Heh. I've won a few fistfights in my time. One of them included a well-placed kick to the shin, and the rest either a kick or a knee bullseyeing the bloke's underoos. And that's only the ones where the poor sod was facing me.
Last time I actually stood en garde before someone, I got my arse kicked around the block.
And I DO know a lot about martial arts. Hell, I probably know the names of like half a dozen of them!