On Pundit's forum nobody is ever getting in trouble for turning a political thread into one about gaming.
And so, Ogg, how am I going to put this kind of combat in my game rules? Do I need a fumble chart where your pants might fall down? Special Drunken Slob Fight rules?
You know, I have no idea how to emulate or simulate that sort of action. I laughed so hard I think I was seeing black dots. (after having a couple beers with the Russian army we are back outside as years of propaganda about sneaky Russians is harshly colliding with laughing and joking with what seem to be a bunch of Russian Grunts). A friend of mine and some of the Russian sailors started armwrestling after this. My buddy (I will call him "Rocky", as his voice and speech patterns sounded almost just like Rocky Balboa) starts arm wrestling some dude across the street from the bar we were at, at a "less dive" bar. The owner of the place ran them off as he was concerned any such testosterone fueled contest were likely to end in fisticuffs.
The two come across the street and have a rather close arm wrestling match. I do not know if all Russians are like these guys were, and maybe being in the military was part of their personalities. The guys there in the Russian military would flip from complete calm to having shouting matches with one another that looked like they were about to fight, then they would smile, laugh and go back to complete calm. I suppose it could have been masculine ribbing, but since I didnt speak Russian, and Russian to my ear sounds harsh even in a calm tone, it was interesting. In any event, the fellow who had just arm wrestled Rocky asks me for a go, I am still fairly sober and not so interested but he keeps insisting. At this point in my life I was a brick shithouse, had been lifting weights consistently since I was 13 and I had a good bit of functional strength, he was probably 20 pounds lighter, so I beat him badly. His expression was classic, he looked like he had seen a car crash, then laughed heartily, and then started a conversation in broken English.
He wanted to know if I was on the "Big Boat" and I said I was, he tells me he is on an attack submarine and his ship can sink my ship. I laugh and tell him, probably so. He then decides to get into Russia's and the former USSR being able to "beat the USA" in a war. I laugh (and at the time, I was a bit of a "questioner" and not much of a flag waver after spending time researching desert Storm, seeing how military spending worked (a bit of time as supply PO for my division and having to order some 1 dollar woodscrews kind of pissed me off) I was a bit put off by the USA in some ways. BUT, its odd how jingoism can boil up when the "other side" is the one doing the critique)) and tell the guy he has to stand in line to eat and probably had to buy the Jorts (he was wearing some sweet cut off jeans) while in port because the USSR could not afford them. To this he turned bright red, stood up suddenly - so I stand up...wondering if I had just sparked an international incident because we were about to scrap... starts to shout in Russian, and then just as suddenly the color fades, he picks up his beer while motioning I should do the same and says, "My Friend, maybe we talk no politics?" I said sure, we clinked cans and drank. He sat back down and started talking about his family, asking if I was cold where I lived etc... At this point I am a little out of sorts, as reading body language is hard here because this guy had just gone from arguing a little, to giving me a fight to the the end que, back to we are best pals all in the space of 4-5 seconds.
Anyway, the fellow from earlier in the story comes over (ruskie, the tall blond guy who had been KO'd by dipshit)and is having a HEATED conversation with the russian sailor I have been talking to (dunno his name, but he was strong with the ginger and freckles, so I will call him RED). Now I should mention it LOOKED heated to me, but given the quick turns these guys seemed to take from calm-aggressive-calm, I had no idea how heated it was or was not. They both sat in plastic deck chairs, maybe a couple feet between them really getting into it. Finally, Red reaches down and grabs ruskie's chair leg and tips him over backwards and dumping him onto the patio. Ruskie looks REALLY pissed, and walks away. Red comes over to me saying over and over, "No worry my friend, is my problem. He is f@ggot". I have no idea if he was implying the guy was actually gay, or if he was just really pissed. But he again wants to clink cans. As we "toast" I see out of the corner of my eye Ruskie sprinting up with .... a plastic deck chair he has raised with the intent to hit Red (I do not think I could come up with a worse weapon to hit someone with if I tried, I guess ruskie was really drunk, or maybe just dumb, dont know) so I shout, "Watch out!!!" The plastic-less-than-2-pound-chair attack went about as well as you would think it should. Red shrugs it off and snatches the chair from ruskie. Ruskie takes a stance of a fellow who is willing to fight, but is not too good at it, while Red fires a sharp 1-2 and lands a fantastic right on the point of ruskie's chin. Ruskie falls like he has been shot with a rifle and is out cold, *while he is falling to the concrete*, Red steps forward and stomps ruskie's face *hard* just as he hits the ground. There is a loud crack and I have some concerns as to both short term and long term health repercussions for ruskie. I step forward and grab Red's arm telling him its over and he should stop. He looks at me with a battle fury in his eyes, very tense for a split second, and again...becomes completely calm, says "Thank you my friend" and takes off across the street and disappears into an alley. I look down and the pool of blood under ruskie's head is already 2 feet across and he is completely motionless, I step forward to take his pulse, and a couple of the Russian army guys and my pals from inside are with the bar owner. The bar owner tells me not to touch him, and I better get inside or I will be the one going to jail. He says he has called the people to take care of it, which I assume he means an ambulance. I do not know how Israeli jails are, but we had to watch "Midnight express" on the ships movie channel in loop mode for several days before the ship had pulled into Turkey a week or so before we got to Haifa. My assumptions about the jails were on the side of caution (that I would be in a cell with dudes talking about genocide and suicide bombs) and I listen to the bar owner and the rest of these dudes and go inside. I looked outside 5 minutes or so later wondering why the ambulance had not come and how the fellow was doing. The pool of blood was rinsed to some degree, you could still see where it was, and ruskie was gone. No idea what happened to him. I look back around to the room and it was packed at this point, we had maybe 6 Americans in there, the house "ladies" and maybe 15 or so Russian soldiers and sailors and my buddy Rocky was making armwrestling challenges and the room looked like something out of an 80's Chuck Norris movie with the array of loud and raucous characters.