My ideal is people able to choose for themselves as individuals how they want to live - not local government telling them how they are supposed to live. I feel that stronger local rule will lead to more government intervention telling people how to live.
You also raised hell over the "dont say gay bill". I suspect you prefer to live where there would never be a bill like that, I prefer to live where that is the law of the land. You live where a 10 round magazine limit is the law, I would NEVER tolerate living where a law like that was in effect. You are going to feel some kind of way if the state decides abortions....I am just fine with states deciding it. You are talking about current status, I am talking about a much more idealized scenario, I would also suggest local/smaller communities are MUCH more polarized than a state may indicate. I would agree about being left alone and being told how to live....but that is wishful thinking, and I just prefer people I see eye to eye with decide on the rules.
Sure, we have our differences, but to my mind they seem smaller than many of the differences that I've grown up with. When I was a kid, I would regularly encounter people who were openly racist - to the point of being concerned about black people in the same swimming pool, or regarding me as a moral wrong since my parents were of different races. Those views are much rarer now.
I'm used to living with intolerable laws, because I've opposed a lot of the laws that I've grown up with. I oppose civil asset forfeiture, as well as monetary fines (which mean the rich can break the law freely), and plea bargaining. I've been opposed to the war on drugs, and most of U.S. foreign wars. I wouldn't say that I tolerate those, but I'm not going to move out of the U.S. or call for secession because of my disagreement. I just have advocated for changing them to something I consider more just.
Historically, people of very incompatible viewpoints have lived in the U.S. In the past, our ethnic divides have been much more stark, like the divide between blacks and whites in the 1920s, or Navajo and settlers, etc.
I don't know you well enough to see whether we could get along in a community, but we wouldn't have to be friends in order to live in the same country as each other. We could hate each other's guts - we just can't, say, burst into violence against each other. You say that gun rights and transgender issues are your two touch points. I've been close friends with people who are gun enthusiasts, even though I'm not. My girlfriend's mother was murdered by a gun-wielding domestic abuser, so in particular, I support the ban on convicted abusers having guns - but I think magazine limits are dumb. On the other hand, my housemate and their kid are both transgender, as is my sister's kid. Would you do anything if they were living in the same community, like going to school with your daughter?