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From the RPGPundit's Blog: More on The Magic Deer

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--- Quote from: RPGPundit ---Its like if you were to say, play a character in a modern game: a pagan, or a buddhist, a secular humanist or a biology teacher or whatever, but the DM tells you at the last minute "oh by the way, IN THIS WORLD calvinist fundamentalist christian theology is RIGHT; and your character is predestined to HELL for who they are.. its not just a belief, IN THIS GAME its absolutely true. Just so you know; it shouldn't really change how you run the character, but he is going to go to hell after he dies.
--- End quote ---

I do basically this for my games (minor details are different). Only I do it upfront (and don't really have a match for the follow-on rant).

Doesn't seem to cause any problems at all.

So let me get this straight...

If you're evil, you get a kick to the crotch by the Magic Deer (HHheheheh, I can't even type that without laughing) and tossed over the border, where you are undoubtably anally molested by waiting Catholic priests who hang out at the border waiting for paralyzed anit-Magic Deer haters, bible in one hand, sacred oil anoited cock in the other.

If you dislike the Magic Deer, it swoops down and kicks you in the head and carts you off to the land of unlubed assfuckings for all eternity.

How in the name of Satan's burning nutsack are you supposed to adventure in this land?

"OK, I'm going to roll my diplomacy and see if the Baron Von Shiiitepants will eat the red crumpets instead of the blue, thereby insulting Dame Unibrow."

Oh, wait, the red crumpets were made with sugar, so it's headkicking and anal plundering time for you!

And just hoooooooooow can a Magic Deer wield a scepter anyway? Is the scepter the code name for its shlong? Does it fly down out of the sky, bash you over the head with it's Magic Deer Cock (TM) and then kick you all the way to the border, where of course, the orcs will immediately pose you in a sexually explicit pose with the last guy, or next guy, who arrives with a hoof-mark in the middle of his skull warmer.

Does the Magic Deer have hands growing out of it's head? You can't fool me, those aren't horns, those are fucking hands!

And why would the DEER give a shit? Shouldn't his primary goal to be to keep all those bipedal retards from eating his people? Why the fuck don't the people of Blue Rose graze, set out salt licks, and wait in a lotus position for a deer to come by that needs a thorn pulled out of its hoof?

Magic Deer? WTF? How hard was that to come up?

"OK, Guys, we need the Magic Overlord of Bluerose! Flip on the Nature Channel, and the first thing we see get eaten by a lion, cougar, or get hit by a semi will be our new GOD!"

Shit, they could have ripped off King Authur. They could have ripped off some African legend like Disney does.

Magic Deer? BWAH-HA-HA! That's like hitting the jackpot on the lottery and finding out that they pay you in Monopoly money. By a clown. On a bike. With his hand jammed up a midgets ass and playing the kazoo.

Seriosly, a Magic Deer? One of the most stupid (but delicious) creatues our there. "Oh, look, bright lights, just like what killed Fred, James, Cindy, Buck, Bambi an.... OH SHIT!" I mean, these fuckers are STUPID! They can't even eat out of the fucking garbage can without tipping it over.

At least a raccoon would be cool. But no, they've got to pick a DEER!

I'll just attach high frequency whistles to my armor's shoulders.

Fuck that deer.


Magic Deer.


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