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Author Topic: DCC Campaign Log  (Read 20919 times)

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DCC Campaign Log
« Reply #45 on: July 04, 2016, 05:44:47 PM »
DCC Campaign Update: Birth of Queen Dread


This week's adventure began in the wreckage of Highbay after the devastating Derpy-Kaiju attack of last session.  Leandra, the leader of the Azure Wizards, died in the battle, and the PCs had the sense that it might be time to find new pastures instead of the Azure Tower, unsure if whoever is chosen as her successor would be as friendly to them.   The plan emerged to try to figure out a way to stick around Highbay and stake some of the new territory created by the kilometer-long Petrification spell.  A plot was hatched to possibly build and run some kind of "Adventurer's Guild".

In the events that followed, the PCs:

-learned that pretty well everyone in Highbay sells drugs.  The old woman who sells eggs, the blacksmith, even the city guard all tried to sell them 'special brownies'.  The leatherworker sells LSD on the side.

-found that Chief City Officer Swanlee is willing to grant them some land, if they go rescue Bolt-O from the Orc Chief Omnblarg.

-agreed, even though Sandy the Bikini-Chainmail Barbarian felt that Bolt-O sounds like "one of those wuss robots".


-quickly found their initial "adventurer's guild" plans spiralling into a nascent plot to become key players in Highbay's criminal underworld.

-started to suspect that staying too long in Highbay might actually be a really bad idea.

-realized that, in a town where all drugs and prostitution are completely legal, local crime lords have to be really creative when it comes to finding stuff to illegally trade in.  Stuff like illicit smuggled War-Elephants.

-realized they'd actually stumbled into a turf war between two different bands of something called the "Bharata mafia", fighting over control of the Elephant-smuggling trade of Highbay.

-learned the aforementioned after Ack'Basha the Cleric made a very cool and true-to-type use of the Word of Command spell on a hapless fletcher, commanding him with the word "Confess!"

-proceeded to accidentally sell out said fletcher, after having given him assurances they would keep his secret, to yet another mafia, this one working for unknown bosses but led by a guy named "shady Ahmed".

-made a deal with Ahmed where they would work together to take over the city of Highbay. You know, for the sake of the children.

-got in over their heads quickly, while doing no more than healing up waiting to go rescue Bolt-O.  First, they accidentally cause a mob war; then they get the impractical and problematic gift of an illegal War Elephant, and then Highbay's enormous hippie community finds out that Ack'Basha the Cleric has a magic staff that makes you trip balls.

-wake up to a mob of a thousand dirty hippies at the entrance to their tavern, much to the chagrin of the highly eccentric innkeeper.



(oh god, it's these assholes again!)

-decide to harness the hippies to get free lumber for their building plans, charging a beam of wood as the price for a ticket to get to have a 'religious experience' with the Primo Staff.

-discover that their scheme has led to a crime-wave of hippie stick-ups and hippie break-ins all through the city, which gets them in serious trouble with Chief City Officer Swanlee.

-decide to take the hippies with them, as an army to oppose Omnblarg's orcish horde and liberate the town of Badbreath.  Of course, their army is nearly without weapons, food, sometime shirts or shoes, and entirely bereft of common sense, counting that with marching while signing "we shall overcome" they'll get what is 'meant to be'.

-watch as their Hippie Army starts to drop like flies en route, still days from the nearest orc, from desertion, starvation, boredom, distraction, getting lost and/or eaten in the forest, or the creation of drumming circles.

-struck an evil deal with the evil Lord Dread, selling out their hippies into serfdom in exchange for safe passage, and the possibility that Dread might join Ack'Basha the cleric's crusade against Sezrekhan.

-got a hint that being an Evil Overlord is not an easy job.

-got to hear Lord Dread tell Ack'Basha that "we're not so different, you and I..."

-arranged a potentially lucrative side-deal with Dread to sell him War-elephants.

-posed as criminal War-Elephant salesmen to get inside Badbreath and win the trust of the Orcs.

-were feted with a feast of dog-meat, followed by the promise of brown-mutant sex-slaves.

-heroically left the sex-slaves unmolested, except for Sandy who made two of the male slaves make out with each other.

-find that their carefully crafted plan to sneakily rescue Bolt-O and assassinate the Orcish chief falls to pieces when they forget that Bolt-O is totally incapable of modulating the volume of his voice.

-find themselves in the unfortunate situation of facing off against 300+ orcs all at once.

-watch Sandy turn into a killing machine, yet again.

-cheered as Schul the Rogue gets to the War-elephant with the plan to set it loose against the Orcs.

-groan as it becomes obvious that Schul has no idea whatsoever how to actually get the Elephant to charge at the orcs.

-confront Chief Omnblarg and his champions.

-see Sandy outdo herself, as she enters a Battle Rage and does 50hp in one hit against the chief, blowing his head open like a watermelon.

-hear the sound of at least a hundred orcs shitting themselves simultaneously.

-witness Sandy becoming the new Chief, as by Orcish law "whoever kills the chief becomes the chief".

-think Sandy is clearly enjoying her new status a little too much.

-note that just after your former chief was brutally murdered by a lance-throw from a barbarian warrior-woman is a really stupid time for an orc sub-chief to talk about someone 'throwing like a girl'.

-make a sudden change of plans: now instead of handing Badbreath over to Lord Dread and his approaching cavalry, the new plan is to ambush Dread, murder him, and have Sandy take over the whole region.

-set up a fire trap for Dread's horsemen and then butcher Lord Dread; first with a well-placed backstab by Schul the Rogue, then by Sandy charging in with the War-Elephant and impaling Dread on an orcish longspear.

-observe that Sandy seems to have taken "Orcish Law" to heart, as she now declares herself to be not just the new Orc Chief but also the new "Lady Dread".

Most of Dread's horsemen got away, presumably to hunker down in Castle Dread.  The plan is now to march the Orcish army there and lay siege to the castle so Sandy can complete her transformation from Barbarian Warrior to Barbarian Queen.


Meanwhile the poor Highbay Hippies aren't going to get any breaks, as Sandy, drunk with power, makes it clear that she plans to carry through with Dread's original scheme of condemning them to a life of serfdom tilling the fields for her in Badbreath.

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DCC Campaign Log
« Reply #46 on: July 10, 2016, 05:18:23 PM »
DCC Campaign Arhive: The Campaign Enters the Urine-Drinking Stage


This adventure was relatively low on action; there was only one fight and it was quite short, but there were several occasions where the PCs were given xp for overcoming challenges without actually fighting.
In this session, the PCs:


-Briefly became the new Queen Dread's (formerly Sandy the Barbarian's) 'small council'.  Ack'basha the cleric became her "Queen's Hand", eventually with a literal severed hand pinned to his armor.

-Acted as diplomats to negotiate the surrender of Castle Dread, being held by Lord Dread's former henchmen.  The henchmen were ordered by Sandy to surrender to her and swear fealty, or she would personally kill every last one of them with a wooden spoon.

-Were unwisely told to 'fuck off' by the former Lord Dread's officers, who later sent a mostly incompetent assassin after Sandy.

-Promptly got said assassin to snitch, and later tied him to the War Elephant's tusks when they marched forward to besiege the castle.

-Cooked up a plan whereby the common soldiers of the castle were given a chance to save their own hides by murdering their commanders and opening the gates for Sandy.  They did so.

-Noted that Dread's army was a impressively inclusive group of mutants of all colours, united only by their ability to tolerate Dread's cartoonish supervillainy.

-Found the late Lord Dread's collection of ancient pornography, not-so-cleverly disguised as an ordinary library; beneath false book-slips of what looked like serious works were countless volumes of "bazongas monthly", "nipples showcase" and other such works.

-Realized that the late Lord Dread was a sad, shame-ridden, lonely man.

-Saw that when Trannis the wizard tried to obtain a patron, it was yet again the King of Elfland who answered the call.  After hearing a long diatribe about how much 1gp used to get you, Trannis decided to keep shopping for a different patron.




(the king of elfland, in my campaign)

-Did hear some hint from the King of Elfland that some elves somewhere were doing something that might endanger the whole world, but he couldn't remember what.

-Helped design a new banner for Sandy's new empire:  they ultimately decided on the former militaristic black eagle of Lord Dread, mounted on Sandy's War Elephant, wielding a two-handed sword in one claw, an orcish longspear in the other, and drenched the blood of enemies.  Now that's badass heraldry!

-Started the journey to take Bolt-0 the robot back to Highbay; as usual, Bolt-0 injected a great deal of what he considered 'interesting conversation' into the trip.

-Also decided to take Lord Dread's codpiece with them, as absolute proof of his demise.

-Were feted on the streets of Highbay on their arrival, at the news that Lord Dread was slain, and the slightly-less-accurate news that "now one of the good guys is in charge".  Highbay's Chief Officer realized that this might not be quite so accurate when the PCs had to convey Sandy's demands, that she would not raze their city to the ground so long as they provided a regular tribute of hippies for her to work to death on her new lands.

-Started to realize the extent to which their friend Shady Ahmed was involved in the criminal underworld of Highbay, and how quickly their plan to set up a little business for themselves was slipping out of their control.

-Had to deal with the High Council of the city wanting to obtain the Primo Staff for themselves.

-Received a partial but detailed list from Bolt-0 of the known major Daemon-Patrons in the world; apart from those they were already familiar with, the list of names included things like "The Vicious Rabbit", "The Left Nostril of Vecna", and "Alan Moore".




(yes, this Alan Moore)

-Watched as Trannis decided, of all the long list he obtained, to try to call on Lariel The Heretic for his patron; which the rest of the party very quickly felt was a terrible mistake.

-Discovered that Lariel the Heretic is apparently the Patron sponsor of the Religious Fantastics, and although a daemon program that rebelled against G.O.D. (after the latter's insanity) like all the other Daemons, she claims or maybe even believes that she is the spokesperson for G.O.D.'s will in the world now.  And apparently, G.O.D.'s will is to viciously beat anyone who doesn't accept his love and grace.

-Noted how Trannis the Wizard was "baptized in steel", being branded with a metal cross on his forehead, alignment-shifted to Lawful, and renamed "Nigel".  Apparently all the Religious Fantastics are in fact named "Nigel".


(see these guys? Every single one of them is named "Nigel")

-Were pleased to hear that Lariel is all for destroying Sezrekan and regaining the Sacred USB Cable, but not so pleased to note that rather than rebooting G.O.D., her plan is to hold the cable for 'safekeeping' until G.O.D.'s "plan" is fulfilled.

-Accidentally caused yet another wave of social unrest as Nigel and Nigel started spreading the "good word" of G.O.D.'s love, by beating the living crap out of every hippie they can find.

-Failed to impress Chief City Officer Swanlee, who made his feelings clear: "This city is already full of drugs, the last thing it needs is religion!"

-After seeing the Nigels force a group of old women to do a "Na na na na" chant and do the wave for the glorification of G.O.D., on threat of vicious beating, Ack'basha starts to see the downside of the Religious Fantastics. Not so much, however, that he won't use them against Sezrekan.

-Leave Highbay by ship, planning to go to the homeland of the Religious Fantastics, leaving one of the Nigels, the mobsters, the even-Higher Council, Bolt-0 and City Chief Swanlee behind.  God knows what it'll look like when they get back. But at least they've kept their spotless record of leaving every single place they visit looking much shittier than when they arrived.

-Soon realize that the legless insane ship captain doesn't actually know what he's doing.



(yup, it's this guy)

-Promptly enter the urine-drinking stage of the voyage.

-Realize that the Sea Captain was in fact specifically hired by Chief City Officer Swanlee with the intention of getting rid of them.

-Rehire the Captain (with a bag of gold, a bottle of urine, and some of Lord Dread's porn) to actually get them to them to the town of Mancatcher, headquarters of the Religious Fantastics.

-Realize, after another week at sea, that the Captain doesn't actually know how to get to Mancatcher, or anywhere else.  His usual course is to sail around the Island of The Turtle-Men until everyone get's dizzy and then head back home; but they've gone so far out now that he can't find that either.

-Finally hit land, with the Captain thinking they've made it back to Highbay, but in fact they've ended up in the Southern Ape-man Kingdoms, an entire continent away from either where they came from or where they were trying to go.

-Run into some Ape-men, but recall what their friend Dr.Theobald had said about the Ape-men being slavers; when one of them says "get the damn dirty humans!" they realize they'd best use some magic to get the ship out of there fast.




-Try to follow the coastline to the Blue Elven Island-Kingdom of Dwaraka, and after landing on the neighbouring island by mistake, astoundingly do manage to get there!

-Are not well-received by the ultra-high-tech Blue Elves, who promptly capture them; but at least the PCs manage to get the Elves to take them 'anywhere from here', figuring that at this point they're better off being stranded in the southern continent with no conceivable way home than continuing to try their luck with the legless Sea Captain.

-End up being dumped by the Blue Elves in the nearest humanlike-occupied city, which turns out to be the City of Beggars.

-Promptly get ambushed by a hundred or so Beggar-mutants, prompting the PCs' new combat-slogan: "What would Sandy do?"

-End up lucking out in that what Sandy would do, namely charging into battle against a force that outnumbers them 30-1, managing to scare the crap out of the mutants and cause them to retreat.

-Make the choice to leave the City of Beggars, heading south even though it's the opposite direction from Highbay, mainly because they're sick of the Urine-Drinking Stage.

Stay tuned for more adventures on the southern continent!

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DCC Campaign Log
« Reply #47 on: August 07, 2016, 04:19:43 AM »
DCC Campaign Update: I am the Walrus-Man


You've got to love the OSR.  This last session, I used not only the DCC rulebook (obviously) but also the AD&D DMG, the AD&D Monster Manual, the Adventures Dark & Deep DMG, Arrows of Indra, and Yoon-Suin. I also glanced at the 5e Monster Manual, for that matter.  Most of the above (except the monster books) was for random-tables.

Anyways, this adventure saw the PCs:

-Meeting yet another group of newbs.  In this case, we had a Hippie "herbalist", a green mutant cow-cleaner, and a Walrus-Man (that's the common name for them, they call themselves the "lolri").


-Discovering that contrary to rumors, Lolri do not ride walruses, they ride Yaks.

-Having Ack'Basha the Cleric, default leader of the PC group, "volunteer" the newcomers to join the party, by force.

-Learning that the Walrus-Men worship the Walrus-Buddha.

-Get harassed by a strike force of Blue Elves in power-armor, who accuse them of having stolen an interdimensional portal.  They talked their way out of it, but were now left with the news that there's some group out there that does have that Elven portal, and they've been promised a reward by the Blue Elves if they should happen to find it (and were given an elven comm-beacon to signal if they do find it).

-Were given strict orders NOT to press the button that activates the beacon unless they find the portal; which of course makes Nigel the Religious Fantastic desperate to press it.

-Had their own potential ideas about the portal, particularly Ack'Basha, who was immediately thinking about how he could use it to get to his hated enemy, the daemon Sezrekan.

-Started to run out of food as they traveled through the grasslands of the southern continent.  Luckily, Rashid the Cow-Cleaner has a vial of Holy Cow-Sweat on him; which Nigel quickly uses to summon and then slaughter a cow, much to Rashid's abject horror.

-Learn that trying to explain that this was not a regular cow but a "magic cow" only makes it much worse.

-Spending much of the next day's travel pausing to scrounge for any carrion bits of dead animal they can find, so that Nigel has a stock of material components for his animal-summoning spell.

-Trying to find the Portal with the help of Clerical vision, but for this, divine approval is needed.  So its forced-conversion time for the newcomers to the party.

-Going up into the Nanda-Parbat mountains, where they meat a caravan of Giant-Goblin Wizard-Merchants, who are protected by Spider-Man guards.  The PCs confirm that Spider-men do whatever a Spider can.

-Trade the Walrus-man's Carnivorous Radish for some spiced cheeses.

-Learn that a group of elves had been spotted in the area, and had crossed the great glacier. So it's glacier-crossing time.

-Felt they needed some more help, so Nigel invokes his patron Lariel the Heretic, but all she does is gift him a pair of Holy Knuckle-Dusters to help spread the "good word" of G.O.D's love by beating the living shit out of anyone who refuses to believe.

-Encounter a very dangerous-looking Ice Dragon, who appears to be the owner of the glacier.

-Manage to save their asses by virtue of the fact that both this Ice Dragon hates Bill the Elf, and can confirm that Ack'Basha hates Bill even more.

-Note that the Ice Dragon had correctly assessed the newbies to the party as "dragon fodder".  Fortunately, he decides to let them all pass anyways, since he craves revenge against Bill and thinks Ack'Basha might just be the cleric to get the job done.

-Note that Ack'basha's crusade against Sezrekan has reached epic-fame levels of notoriety; which may be helpful at the moment, but it also means Sezrekan has almost certainly heard about the whole 'quest for vengeance' thing too.

-Get to the other side of the Glacier, where there are a number of possible mountain-passes that would lead to the 'decrepit monastery' that the PCs assume the Elves went to.  Ack'Basha's second sight tries to seek out the safe path to the Monastery, only to discover that in fact there is NO safe pass to the monastery.

-Find a creepy cave entrance surrounded by bones.  When a wave of darkness starts to pour out of the cave mouth, they decide to cast Light at the darkness, which is at least smarter than casting magic missile.

-Learn that in retrospect, Magic Missile might have been better, since the darkness was being generated by two extremely powerful Fire Demons.

-Know the meaning of fear; literally, because half the party runs away screaming and wetting their pants when one of the Demons uses his Emanate Fear power.

-Mostly didn't stick around to see Nigel the Religious Fantastic call down the wrath of his patron Lariel the Heretic. Unfortunately, said wrath was not quite enough, and Nigel is immolated one round later.  Schul the rogue did stick around; not to help Nigel, mind you, but having made a safe bet that if he stayed hidden in the area he'd soon get to loot Nigel's charred corpse. And indeed, he did!

-Saw Lariel return with Nigel 2 as reinforcements... only too late.

-Noted that Ack'Basha the cleric has been spending too much time with the Religious Fantastics, as he tries to baptize the Walrus-man with beer.

-Plan a careful sneak attack on the Fire Demons, only to have the hippie totally ruin it because he's stoned out of his gourd.

-Get totally screwed when the Demons' combination of Scare, Sleep and Charm leaves everyone except Schul (who was hidden) and the hippie (who had wandered off) incapacitated.

-Watched helplessly as Schul made a desperate hail-mary Backstab attempt on the larger of the two Fire Demons, and then ran like hell when the hit didn't drop him.

-Assumed the worst when Schul caught up to the hippie and declared that they were "the new PC party" from there on.

-Had a brief glimmer of hope as Nigel 2 recovered, only to have those hopes dashed as Nigel quickly became the second roasted Religious Fantastic in the span of ten minutes.

-Had yet another glimmer of hope when Schul changed his mind and crept back over, in time to see that Walrus-Man had been torn to pieces by the Demons.

-Noted that Ack'Basha is a heavy sleeper.

-Finally turned things around when Schul's insistent poking of Ack'basha rouses him, and he calls down the Divine Wrath on the demons.

-Looted the lair, where they found a lot of skulls, a scale mail, some holy beads, some herbs, a lot of silver pieces... and a hovercar.

-Discovered that the hippie "herbalist" can identify herbs, but he tells them the ones in the lair are "not useful", because they're just magic herbs and not the kind that can get him high.

-Divide the loot, with the cow-cleaner getting the holy beads, the cleric getting the herbs, the thief getting the scale mail, Nigel-2 (who survived his burns) the bones, and the hippie gets kicked in the groin.

-Speculate that the hover-car might have belonged to the blue elves who stole the portal; the first hint being that the car is blue.

-Take off in the hover-car, resolving the problem of how to get five of them into a four-person hovercar by tying the hippie up, mad-max style, to the front of the vehicle.

-Made the fateful choice of leaving the Blue Elf beacon behind, in the demon cave. They did this after figuring out that the beacon might be tracking or even spying on them, and mainly after deciding that they really want to keep the hovercar!  They also start discussing the possibility of keeping the portal for themselves too, or potentially destroying it (remembering the rambling warning the King of Elfland gave them last adventure, where he had suggested that some elves somewhere could potentially cause the end of the world).

-Finally fly their way to the monastery, which turns out to be a really creepy dilapidated monastery full of weird dead-eyed monks.

-Confirm that, like most religious institutions everywhere, the monks are ranked according to how large and ridiculous their hats are.

-After refusing to just go away or accept that "there's nothing for you here" is a valid reason to take off, quickly figure out they're about to be attacked by 50 or so probably-undead kung-fu monks.

-Also end up finding the missing elves, who have also become undead monks; and the portal, which is in the process of being used in a creepy pseudo-buddhist ritual that will apparently create a Black Hole of some kind, presumably to end the world.  Score one for Grandpa-Simpson Elf-King's ramblings.

-Come to the conclusion that, in retrospect, getting rid of the beacons might have been a fatally bad idea.

-Start to drop like flies under the flurry of undead-monk blows; and this time both the cow-cleaner and Nigel-2 run out of luck.

-Score a surprising victory when they manage to take out the Grand Master of the monks, and all the rest of the monks de-animate. Also, they blow up the portal.

-Think it's all over now, except that it turns out that the Grand Master was being possessed by an incorporeal undead, that now tries to attack them.  The Hippie decides its a good idea to try to inhale the grand-master, and almost dies.

-Finally finish the ghostly grand-master off, and now find themselves temporary owners of a corpse-filled monastery in the high mountains with no food.  But that's OK, since they've got a hovercar to hightail it out of there with all the monastic loot they can carry.


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LION & DRAGON: Medieval-Authentic OSR Roleplaying is available now! You only THINK you've played 'medieval fantasy' until you play L&D.


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ARROWS OF INDRA
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DCC Campaign Log
« Reply #48 on: August 31, 2016, 11:00:55 PM »
DCC Campaign Update: All my Friends are Dead


This past session came as close to a TPK as our DCC campaign has ever seen. By the end of it, almost everyone was dead. How did this happen?

Like this:

1. The PCs started out in a monastery they decided (in a spurt of optimism) was not really an "Evil Monastery" so much as a "Good monastery that had made some bad choices" and fallen in with the wrong crowd.

2. They found their former accountant Serath had now become a Cleric.  He's a neutral cleric, which means he's not really into it but just treats it as a job.

3. Said Neutral Cleric was determined never to sacrifice gold for divine approval. He's more of a "prosperity Christianity" style of cleric.

4. The PCs slept in the monastery, but not before demonstrating a that they live a life of stunningly troubling paranoia.

5. Schul the rogue found three evil-looking black scrolls in the monastery library, in a skull-motif cabinet.  He decided "this doesn't really look evil at all"!

6. The PCs find an ominous looking hidden shrine to the Lord of Death.  The Neutral Cleric proceeds to use it as the bathroom.

7. They find another set of secret underground rooms, and start to realize that finding hidden doors is easier than assumed.

8. They start to get a bit too bored when the first underground rooms they find are exciting locales like the cloak room, pantry, and the monastery well-cistern.

9. They totally fail to spot, in their rush, the Mutant Sewer Octopus Thing in the cistern.  The Neutral Cleric barely survives, but his brain damage reduces him to a vegetable and it's time for a mercy kill.  Monastery 1, PCs 0.


10. They find an underground river, where a venerable old yogi has been meditating in perfect stillness for 12 years. Of course, they decide to poke him with the hallucinogenic staff until he's forced to break his trance just shy of achieving nirvana.

11. They learn from the highly annoyed yogi that somewhere deep in the underground complex of the mountain below the monastery there is an Arch-Gate to the Qlippothic Netherword, as the monks call it; or as it is known to Clerics, the Recycle Bin.  If you can get through the Arch-gate, and get through all the insanely dangerous ordeals in the realm of death, you could theoretically try to resurrect a daemon that has been deleted.  The PCs immediately decide it might be a cool idea to resurrect Tiamat, in spite of the fact that they were peripherally involved with the selfsame dudes who betrayed and murdered her.


12. They go back up for a rest, and meet three newbies who were lost and made their way to the monastery gate. They're 2 mutants and a halfling; and the party debates whether that makes them "Two and a half-man" or "two and a half half-men".

13. Ack'basha the Cleric immediately press-gangs them into the party.

14. Ack'basha also tries to sell the newcomers on joining his crusade to defeat Sezerkan and recover the Sacred USB Cable that would restore the world, and purge it of all the abominations... you know, abominations like mutants, and halflings.

15. Ack'basha also tries to convert the newcomers, and is thus reminded that all Halflings are New Atheists. And Cannibals.


16. The PCs do note that this particular Halfling seems stunningly well versed in philosophy (albeit of the sophomoric 1st-year-philosophy-student variety) for a half-feral murderous savage.

17. They go back down into the dungeons, and almost immediately run into some really big hobgobins.  They assume that these are locals at first, but will eventually learn that these goblinoids are here because they too are looking for the Arch-Gate; to resurrect the daemon they worshipped.

18. They get into a rumble with these goblins, resulting the party getting the shit kicked out of them, killing the halfling and Mutant 2, and with most of the rest of the the party being captured. Monastery 3 PCs 0.


19. The captured PCs learn the tradition of how the goblins elect their replacement chief (the former chief having died in the fight); which consists of the two main candidates beating each other with rocks until one is left standing.

20. The goblins also run into the Yogi, who kicks the shit out of them with some powerful magic.

21. The remaining free PC manages to convince the Yogi to help, which he does by randomly summoning a trio of Religious Fantastics.  All named Nigel, of course.

22. The 3 Nigels' rescue attempt, consisting of charging straight at 20 goblins, proves disastrously ill-thought out.

23. Ack'basha the cleric's attempt to use his cursed power rings doesn't work out as planned.

24. Ack'basha then remembers his powerful holy beads, which cause harm to any chaotic being they even touch, so he proceeds to gently carress his captors with it to surprisingly great effect.

25. Ack'basha then proceeds to cast a darkness spell in the surrounding area, and everything turns into a massive clusterfuck of a melee.

26. The rescue attempt having failed, Mutant 1 goes nuts, runs away, and then in a bout of murderous insanity tries to kill the Yogi with a canoe oar.

27. The Yogi survives, goes murderously insane too, and ends up beating Mutant 1 to death with a wooden begging bowl.  Monastery 4, PCs 0.

28. Ack'basha gets away, gets his armor on, goes back to the Goblin's base-camp, kicks the crap out of the goblins there, and takes their stuff.

29. The remaining goblins still in the dungeon find and finally kill the badly-wounded Yogi.

30. Schul the rogue, who had been hiding out, attacks the remaining goblins in a desperate attempt to recover all the party's stuff before they get away.  He kills the new chief with a very well placed two-handed Axe-backstab. Unfortunately, the rest of the goblins make their morale check and butcher him. Monastery 5, PCs 0.

31. The few surviving goblins decide to high-tail it out of the monastery and off the mountain.  Ack'basha the Cleric is literally the Last Man Standing.  Monastery 5, PCs 1.

It remains to be seen whether Ack'basha will be led by these tragic events to consider whether his blood-vendetta against Sezrekan is in some way responsible for the loss of all his friends and allies.  But my bet is on no. He'll probably figure out a way to blame it all on Sezrekan too.

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DCC Campaign Log
« Reply #49 on: September 21, 2016, 01:09:38 AM »
DCC Campaign Update: Robot Necromancers and Night Goats



At the start of this session, we had Ack'Basha the cleric facing the devastating aloneness of being his party's only survivor.  Only just after that, the hippie, who had buggered off into the mountains, came back as a cleric now and had brought a whole group of new friends with him!
Among them was a Boat Swine (sea-faring pig-man), an untouchable with a third eye (that's good luck, apparently), a would-be warrior, a Dwarf who wants to be a wizard, and some others.  The Untouchable's name is "MC Hammer" but he doesn't actually know the lyrics to "can't touch this".

The PCs:

-learned that there's apparently some place called Gnoll Aqua Base 1.

-Found a book on Necromancy written by someone named Bolt-0, and were left wondering if it could possibly be the same conversation-loving Robot they know by that name.


(robot wizards are a problem in the world of the Last Sun)

-Already knew that G.O.D. disapproves of a lot of stuff, but apparently the super-frivolous use of Divine Aid to light a doobie is not one of them.

-Wondered if that counts as Peer-Pressure from G.O.D. "C'mon man, toke up, it's the divine will!"

-Were left more confused by the fact that apparently G.O.D. also approves of using Neutralize Poison to kill someone else's buzz.

-Quit goofing around and went back into the dungeon under the monastery, only to find some particularly feral halflings, and then a really creepy hallway with flickering lights that ends in an elevator door.

-saw 'things' in the hallway. May or may not have banished these 'things' if indeed they ever existed.

-Engage in some vandalism and non-compliance of regulations in the creepy hallway.

-discover that the elevator is in fact an elevator to Hell.

-Learn that the elevator to Hell is a one-way trip to a cave full of dire Shadows.

-See the hippie cleric sacrifice himself; realize that him shouting "run, you fools" as he was swarmed by Shadows would have been a lot more awesome if there was some exit to run to!

-Manage to find said exit just as they were about to be over-run.

-Escape the Cave of Shadows only to end up in a mist-filled corridor.  The Hippie Cleric is dead and turned into a Shadow, while Ack'Basha is so drained by the Shadows he can't actually move, needing someone else to make 'air quotes' for him with their fingers while talking about the deceased Hippie "Cleric".

-Ran into, while resting in the mist-filled labyrinth, a lost trio of newbs.  They are: an obese Red-mutant beggar who's surprisingly nimble, a Brahmin who got sick of his religious duties, and a squire with no knight.

-Risked stepping back into the Shadow cavern to dash and grab the dead Hippie Cleric's loot.

-Once again evade the Shadows and then start getting semi-lost in the misty labyrinth until they run into a six-armed fire-demon, which they manage to scare off only with some holy water and the beads of demon-repulsion, which they realize is the most important magic item they now have.

-keep getting more lost in the misty underworld. They run into some toothy gollum-like demons but turn those away with the holy beads too.

-Finally end up in a mexican stand-off with the Fire Demon Prince, pissed off at their presence, but unable to kill them. He makes a deal with them: some asshole summoner has stolen away his pet Night Goats, and if he sends them back to the surface world they will need to recover them.


(presumably the demon's Night Goats will look a lot less adorable than this)

-Having agreed, are transported back to the surface world, finding themselves in a Necromancer's magical summoning room.... which turns out to be in Highbay! In fact, it turns out to be right in the High Council building.

-Discover that in their absence, Sandi the Warrior Queen and Goldeater of Goldhalcon have escalated into a cold war with each other.  Also, the Cyrilic mafia and the Bharata mafia are in the midst of a very hot gang war. All this meaning the PCs have kept up their perfect track record of fucking up every place they visit.

-Finally discover that the Necromancer room in the High Council building in fact belongs to Bolt-0 the friendly Conversation Robot!  It appears Bolt-0 did write that ancient book from the monastery, and is more than meets the eye! But what's his true agenda?!

-decide it's best to end the session there, to level up, and so that the GM has time to get ready for a trip.  We return to DCC next week!


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(September 19, 2015)
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DCC Campaign Log
« Reply #50 on: October 02, 2016, 01:10:40 AM »
DCC Campaign Update: "We're Finally the LESSER Evil!"


In the latest DCC session, the PCs were back in Highbay (the Drug Capital of the region), and got themselves caught up with a gang war in the town while they waited to figure out what to do about Bolt-O the potential Necromancer Robot, and how to get back the Fire Demon Prince's Night Goats.

In this session, the following things were overheard:

-It's hard to be an Untouchable in a pie shop.

-"Metamphetamines, your Holiness?"

-Ack'basha the cleric survives by getting massive influxes of cash that he immediately blows on getting G.O.D. to forgive him.

-"My name is Natascha Nataschiskova, darling!"

-"We shall meet again... tonight, actually."

-Zahar the dwarf wizard was looking for a quiet inn, and found one where you're literally not allowed to make any noise.

-"Bolt-O's Guide to Necromancy is not the most well-edited of books".

-Ack'basha has got himself quite the hippie-cult.

-"I was forced to break down the door to your temple with this hippie's skull".

-Vishal has gotten the group together to do a 'quest', which consists of 'meeting a gold mutant femme fatale at third bell because she said so'.

-"My name is Boris Hatsky-Goldensten, Natascha is my current wife and future mistress"

-Natascha did a makeover on the Untouchable.

-Boris runs the Cyrilic Mafia, but his boss is Goldeater, tyrant of the city-state of Goldhalcon.

-How powerful is Goldeater? Powerful enough that every time someone says his name out loud a little song plays in the air.

-"what do you want?" "Gold" "They can't give you any gold, they eat it all".

-Natascha broke the Untouchable's heart, just like Boris had said she would.

-"Ackbasha is going to double-cross Boris.. he's broken a lot of deals lately. You know, I'm starting to wonder if we're not actually the bad guys?"




-Natascha did note that Ackbasha reminds her of Rasputin.

-Ack'basha also plans to kill Bolt-O.

-The Dwarf Wizard went to Jimmy the Ratcatcher to purchase rat parts, before remembering that every time he casts Sleep he summons a swarm of rats.

-Vishal and the Untouchable are going to infiltrate the Bharata Mafia by pretending to be a Brahmin prince and his servant, no way that can go horribly wrong.

-Ack'basha and Zahar go to see Bolt-O at city hall, only to learn he's now a city commissioner.

-"Bolt-O learned necromancy from when he was a service robot at a Necromancer's Guild, and later wrote his book on Necromancy while living in a southern continent monastery... he's led a very interesting life for a bolt-tightening robot".

-"Chief City Officer Swanlee desperately wants to get us out of his city forever, except Ack'basha reminded him that we may be the only ones capable of stopping Sandy the Dread Barbarian Queen from destroying Highbay... we're finally the LESSER evil!"

-"The brahmin will have to control his reckless loins if we have any hope of keeping up this charade!"

-the untouchable has gone "curry crazy" over the cuisine at the Bharatan Inn.

-"So Ack'basha doesn't just want to double-cross Boris, he wants to do it in the cleric's own Temple of G.O.D.?"

-"Have you noticed Ack'basha's hippie-cult talks less and less about praising G.O.D. and more about praising Ack'Basha?"

-So there's a third gang involved; and now the Vishal has to go meet the Draconians at the Den of One Thousand Lotuses and play Pai Gow with them to cement an Draconian-Bharata alliance... and he's going to do it because now he really wants an Elephant.





-The undercover guards Chief Officer Swanlee had infiltrate the area around the Temple for the sting operation on Boris and Natascha are really shitty at impersonating hippies.

-"So wait, now we're working WITH the Narcs?"

-"Ack'basha orders all you hippies to shave off your hair to help the Narcs fit in!"

-"so there's three gangs now?" "Four, if you count the city guard." "Five, if you count Ack'basha's cult".

-"Our whole plan is becoming increasingly complex..."

-"You know, the Cleric is becoming the new Bill the Elf. I guess if you stare long enough into the abyss, you become a self-serving asshole."

-"Ack'basha has now taken to wandering the streets of Highbay looking for even more gangs to double cross"

-Boris: "Ok fuck this, kill everyone!" Natascha: "No, Boris, don't kill everyone, is a party!"

-"what about the city guard?" "They're all high! The attempt to get them to blend in worked too well!"

-"Ack'basha saved us!"  Zahar: "Actually, it was me..."  "Hail Ack'basha!"

-Vishal murdered the cyrilic assassins, carried the unconscious untouchable, and wanted to loot the corpses... he's officially the worst Brahmin prince ever.

-"or, MC Untouchable is the most Touchable Untouchable ever"

-"BOLT-O WILL JOIN YOU ON THIS QUEST. PLEASE WAIT MOMENTARILY WHILE BOLT-O GATHERS HIS NECROMANTIC TOOLS IN HIS MAGICAL MURDER BOX".

-What do you know? Vishal and the Untouchable's defrauding the Bharata mafia by pretending to be royalty actually turned out well enough to get an Elephant out of the deal.

-MC untouchable was this close to getting a bunch of Bharata Mafia guards to join the quest, but Vishal said he'd be fucked if he was going to keep up the 'royalty' act for the whole trip.

That's it for this session.  The PCs leave off departing Highbay heading off in the direction of the Badlands and Yeti Country, following the trail of destruction left by the Night Goats.

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(October 2, 2015)
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DCC Campaign Log
« Reply #51 on: October 15, 2016, 04:45:31 PM »
DCC Campaign Update: Giant Flesh-Ripping Weasels Redux

This week's adventure began with the PCs following the escaped Night Goats into the Badlands and Yeti Country.




They were being accompanied by their old friend Bolt-O the bolt-tightening conversation-loving robot (who they'd recently learned was talented in the lore of necromancy).  Incidentally, it had been almost exactly one real-world year since the last session they'd seen Bolt-O, which tells you a bit about just how long-running and detailed this campaign is.

Anyways, here are some more crazy things overheard this session:

-"BOLT-O HAS NEVER READ GEORGE RR MARTIN"

-"so wait, it takes Bolt-O a half hour of loudly issued commands to enter 'silent mode' but getting out of 'silent mode' takes two seconds?" Well, he is a conversation robot...

-"Bolt-0 has a personality; that means that he's doing most of this shit out of choice. He could in fact help being a dick."

-"Oh shit, not vicious flesh-ripping Giant Weasels AGAIN!"


-"The Elephant got the first kill! ...unless you count the weasels killing the Dwarf"

-"BOLT-O'S SENSORS INDICATE DWARF WIZARD IS ALIVE. SHOULD BOLT-O EXTERMINATE?"

-"G.O.D. must have something against this elephant"

-"Giant weasels are the Badland's deadliest predator!"

-"It's hard to spot the Night Goats' trail of destruction in the Badlands, what with everything here being fucked up already"

-"we may be on the trail of the Goats... I can see fire, and shit."

-"GUARD MODE ACTIVATED, NO DANGER DETECTED"  "Wait, is Guard Mode the same as Patrol mode?" "YES, BOLT-O IS CAPABLE OF USING SYNONYMS"

-"when we're ready to attack, we'll signal you with the cry of the giant weasel: Ka-Kaw!"

-"I like how Ack'Basha has managed to turn Holy Sanctuary into a Complete Asshole spell"

-"only the Untouchable could survive a spear blow right through the head"

-"Enlarge is the one spell every dwarf wizard wants"

-"You can't solve everything by faking a heart attack"

-"Giant Weasels are the Meth Addicts of the animal world"


(this is what my DCC game is like)


-"You have lost control of the giant weasel" (not something you want to hear)

-"Ack'basha, I've made a huge mistake. Run away!"

-"Yes, you are still armed, both in the sense of still having your spear and still having your arm, somehow"

-"G.O.D. is a bureaucrat"

-"G.O.D. is not a bureaucrat, he's a maniac"

-"He used Divine Aid to cause Religious Genocide"  "Wouldn't be the first time"

-"You all hear a mysterious silence"  "It's not really mysterious, it's because Ack'Basha gassed all the goblins to death"

-"I note that at this point the cleric has gotten pretty good at appraising gems"

-"BOLT-O WAS NOT AWARE THAT HE IS A FUCKING DICK"

-"BOLT-O ATTEMPTED TO WARN YOU OF THE DRAGON'S PRESENCE BUT HE WAS STILL IN SIGN LANGUAGE MODE AS PER YOUR REQUEST"

-Bolt-O also has a 'jest mode' which he rarely uses.

-"Ack'basha is definitely turning into the new Bill the Elf.  Casual genocide is one of the signs".

-"BOLT-O DOES NOT HAVE A DECEIT MODE... OR DOES HE?"

-"Call me the Untouchable Dragon Slayer!"

-"BOLT-O COULD ATTEMPT TO SUMMON THE LORD OF DEATH AGAIN, BUT IT WOULD MOST LIKELY RESULT IN MORE GOATS"

-"I wanted to change the details of the deal" "How surprising of you, Ack'basha"

-"We can track the Night Goats by the burn trail they leave behind" "Do they fart fire or something?"

-"We need to sneak up to the Yeti encampment" "Oh yeah, because the Elephant with the cowbell makes us particularly sneaky..."

-"The Yeti are coming! Cheese it!"

The party got away from the Yeti only to be surprise-attacked later. They managed to beat them off, and after banishing the last of the Night Goats back from whence they came, they were about to head home, only to find that in the cave of the Dragon (which the Untouchable slew with a single backstab attack!) Bolt-O has discovered a long-abandoned functioning Ancient Transmat Device, which apparently leads to a place called "Living Unit 32". Obviously, the PCs decide they're going to go check it out.

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(October 15, 2015)
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DCC Campaign Log
« Reply #52 on: November 13, 2016, 06:33:38 PM »
DCC Campaign Update: Robots and Chickens Edition


In this adventure the PCs were considering whether to return to Highbay with a Dragon horde they'd obtained, or go into the mystery transmat portal leading to somewhere called "Living Habitat 23" in the Ancient tongue.  When all of a sudden:

-They were found by a trio of lost newbie adventurers!  As tends to happen when Bolt-0 declares that "UNKNOWN LIFE FORMS DETECTED" followed by "RECOMMEND WE ENTER STEALTH MODE IMMEDIATELY" all while completely unable to modulate the volume of his voice.




-They discovered that two of the three newbies were immigrants from the Southern Continent, much like the Brahmin and MC Untouchable! It turns out that some guy called the Serpent King has been conquering the small kingdoms of that continent left and right, gaining in power every time he ritually sacrifices a king to his daemon-patron.

-They learned that by a stroke of luck, the third newbie was a beggar who happened to be an expert on the Ancients!  It turns out that in the world of the Last Sun 'studying the ancients' is like a bachelors in unemployment.

-They were surprised by the newbies carrying two live chickens with them in spite of being near starving!  It turns out that the Chickens were sacred to them. The Untouchable's third eye is also sacred. Apparently, on the Southern Continent all kinds of stupid shit is sacred.




-They were stunned by Bolt-O deciding to trust Ack'basha the cleric with a secret! It wasn't the secret that was stunning, it was that at this point anyone would still trust Ack'basha the Cleric.  Apparently "BOLT-0 IS AN ENDLESS OPTIMIST"!

-They discovered that Bolt-0 has a storage compartment in his torso! And it has a small skull in it, the size of a halfling's.. or a child.  The PCs decided not to even ask him about it.

-They learned that Bolt-0's greatest tragedy is that he cannot enter into "conversation mode" with himself.

-They chose to eat the day-old red dragon carcass! Which turned into a great opportunity for the GM to refer to the "dungeon dining" table in his old but awesome "Forward... to Adventure! Gamemasters' Notebook!" (aka "FtA!GN!"), which is full of incredibly useful tables for your gonzo campaigns.

-They are awoken that night by Bolt-0's intruder-alert! And by the fact that two-thirds of the party are suffering from explosive diarrhea from having eaten that dragon meat.

-They discover they are facing a dozen deadly Chan Trolls, the most ravenously violent and mindless trolls in the entire world!

-They are horrified to hear the Chan Trolls literally tearing the Brahmin's elephant to pieces as they feast on his flesh! On the other hand, it's the only thing that saves them since the Trolls are too busy devouring the Elephant to attack the PCs en masse during their moment of gastrointestinal vulnerability.

-They grasp the sophomoric infantile humoristic irony that the Brahmin was always a pretty shitty Brahmin but now he's really a shitty brahmin!

-They defeat the first wave of trolls! But realizing there's no way they're going to beat all of them, decide to rescue Bolt-0 (though none of them are quite sure why they would) and get onto the Transmat to "Living Habitat 23".

-They are transported to a strange retro-future underworld! It isn't Dwarven, as the Dwarf-Wizard confirms, so it seems plausible that they've actually been taken to the site of one of the Ancients' own dwellings!

-They quickly discover that like everything else in the world, Living Habitat 23 has gone to absolute shit!

-There's a computer terminal in the transmat room! But there's no interface. And no apparent way to turn it on. And "BOLT-O DOES NOT HAVE WIRELESS CAPABILITIES".

-They encounter another robot! This one is called "CHEF-9" and when they hear her say "FOODSTUFF DETECTED, ENTERING COOKING MODE", they quickly realize that they are the 'foodstuff'.




-The Brahmin slices off CHEF-9's motor column, having just learned that robots apparently are easily mobility-impaired! But before the PCs can question the robot, the Brahmin keeps right on going into a robot-killing frenzy that everyone agrees is clearly an act of vicarious slaughter to get out his frustrations with BOLT-0.

-The Brahmin declares, satisfied, that he "wants a cigarette" after cutting CHEF-9 into hundreds of tiny bits! Once again proving he's a really shitty Brahmin.

-Bolt-0 makes a startling revelation! It turns out that "ONE PART OF BOLT-O IS A CIGARETTE LIGHTER. BOLT-O DOES NOT WISH TO REVEAL WHICH PART!"

-MC Untouchable tries to play the lute! BOLT-0 opines that "BOLT-0 THINKS YOU ARE MURDERING THAT INSTRUMENT".

-MC Untouchable has a stunning plan! When they need to explore a mysterious kitchen, he ties a rope to himself and tells the group "I'm going in. If you hear me screaming hysterically, pull me back!"

-MC Untouchable encounters a cowardly hideous creature that looks like a cross between a dwarf and Dr.Zoidberg from Futurama! BOLT-0 analyzes the creature and comes to the conclusion of "...BOLT-0 DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS."




-The Dwarf-Wizard also fails to identify the crab-dwarf creature!  "This is not in the Book of Grievances".

-There's a huge hole in the floor of the mess hall! The Brahmin warrior decides to be lowered down to the next level on the rope, but just before reaching the ground he discovers the floor is electrified, and barely escapes being fatally fried.  "I have a new respect for life," he says, "It'll probably pass as soon as I have something to kill".

-Ack'basha the Cleric is willing to throw the hideous but clearly harmless crab-dwarf creature to its death to test out the elctric floor! But this isn't a big surprise at this point; they all agree that by now Ack'basha would screw over anyone in his party if he thought it'd help his revenge quest.

-MC Untouchable comes to the conclusion that Ack'basha must have had some very bad experiences to make him how he is now! "Did you have something happen to you when you were a choirboy?" "No, but there was this one time the party had a guy who served the Lord of All Flesh..."

-The group comes to the obvious conclusion that they may have teleported into an Ancients' living complex, but they definitely didn't telport into becoming better people!

-They also realize that for the first time in ages they did not teleport from or into a bathroom! But then they remember that this time they used tech, not magic. Apparently only magical teleportation requires a bathroom as a material component.

-The Brahmin comes to a stunning self-realization! "I'm not inflicting violence on anyone right now, and so I have to spend time thinking instead... I don't like it!"

-The group finds a second mysterious non-functioning turbolift shaft!  But it's full of little bits of glitter that turn out to be people-eating nanites!  They discover the nature of this terrible danger by throwing a defenseless crab-dwarf at the nanite swarm. For once, this wasn't Ack'basha the Cleric's idea; and now he thinks this means he's suddenly not the asshole of the party.

-They manage to capture a sample of the nanites in one of the tupperware boxes from the kitchen pantry! They toss the tupperware at BOLT-0 (who's still on the other side of the hole in the floor) for him to analyze, but he's momentarily confused as to why his party members are throwing storage containers at him.

-They destroy the nanites with Divine Wrath!  Making their way up the shaft they find a lab with some cryo-stasis units, which include one that appears to be occupied by a young girl. One of the newbies suggests they try to test out the correct sequence for safely reversing the stasis process by stuffing the last surviving crab-dwarf in a spare unit. "you're going to fit right into this party", says absolutely everyone in it.

-The Dwarf-Wizard's engineering skills prove able to work the cryo-stasis units!  "Now let's wake up the little girl... everyone be ready to stab her!"

-The young girl awakens! And it turns out she may be the last surviving Ancient in the entire world.  They decide to tell her about the cataclysm, the fact she's been asleep for over ten thousand years, and that her entire species is probably dead.  "she's just a child..." "hey, she needs to grow up sometime!"

-The Ancient Girl (whose name it turns out is Alice; which everyone thinks sound Elven, but she corrects them that Elven sounds like Ancient) demands that they get her to the control room to restore power! She says she wants this to try to 'contact the Bridge Officers', the meaning of which none of the PCs understand. But she also makes the mistake of answering the PCs' question about whether there's an armory; there is, and the PCs decide to go there first instead.

-The Ancient Girl is not impressed with the PCs' spellcasting! "Your magic is an Alpha-Primitive Cargo Cult of our technology".  "I didn't understand any of what she just said but I feel like we should feel offended". She also apparently reveals that before the Disaster, Sezrekan was an AI program to teach children. Cue bad puns about "SezreKHAN Academy".

-The Ancient Girl reveals a shocking fact: apparently, there's no actual difference between Ancients and Humans.  They are the same species, except the 'humans' were "Alpha Primitives" while the Ancients called themselves the "Command Crew".

-The PCs make it down to the Armory Level! There they are forced to fight a Guard Robot. But they kill it off fairly easily.  Unfortunately the vault itself is magically (or Ancient-Technologically) sealed; however, some Divine Aid manages to break it open.  Unfortunately, most of the Armory seems to have been emptied long ago; though they do manage to find a couple of laser swords and vibro-swords, a box of cigars, a .45 pistol, an instant-soup processor, and an Ancient Battlesuit. By the party's standards, its the fucking motherlode.




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DCC Campaign Log
« Reply #53 on: November 28, 2016, 09:39:27 PM »
DCC Campaign: Snakogator!


We had left our heroes (and I use that term as loosely as imaginable, at this point) deep inside an Ancient Living Habitat under the world, where they had found possibly the most amazing thing in the history of their adventures: a living Ancient, albeit a child.  But do they get this incredible girl out of the complex and to try to get her somewhere as secure as possible? No, they're going to keep right on adventuring with her, as if she was another member of the party.

So now the PCs are up to:

-Going down deeper into the ruined complex. All except BOLT-0 who is much too heavy for the rope or even manageably for Alice (the Ancient girl) to use her incredible nano-magic on. "BOLT-0 HAS A WEIGHT PROBLEM!"

-Ack'basha the cleric: "you'll go down first..."
Brahmin: "Yes, that's probably what's going to happen."

-two of the three newbs head up on the transmat to the surface, to see if the trolls have left. The third has graduated into a full-blown wizard. He is immediately nicknamed "Ropetrick".

-Brahmin: "You know, I kill people for fun and I'm still less evil than the rest of you assholes".

-"We probably shouldn't get too dependent on the little girl's powers".
"You ARE new at this, aren't you?"

-Brahmin: "I have no idea what you're trying to tell me, but I'm just going to break this thing anyway"

-Brahmin: "If violence doesn't solve something, it's because you aren't using enough of it".

-"Let's not leave the little girl alone up there, she's helpless and innocent"
"I bet you'll be eating those words before the end of the day".

-"You've been with us a couple of days now, how can you not get that we're a bunch of psychos?"

-The team finally leads the little Ancient girl to the central control, but it's as offline as everything else in the complex.  She comes up with the idea of trying to go down to the reactor to restart it.  But first, they find themselves encountering several dozen security drones, which look like metal volleyballs with rotating knives and blaster-eyes.  After an initial melee round where they realize how deadly these things are, the party decides to cheese it out of the area and find a safer path.




-Alice is amazed by the Cleric's use of healing; in the same way an anthropologist might be by a primitive tribe's folk healing practices.

-"we need to find a bag or something, for all this loot"
Alice: "What's a bag?"
"well, that doesn't fill me with confidence..."

-Ack'basha the cleric tries to mine information from Alice about whether the machines in the Control room could be used to get to Sezrekan's plane.

-The Dwarf Wizard, one of only two PCs who can actually speak the Ancient language, decides to fake Alice's answer to discourage Ack'basha.

-Ropework the newbie wizard, the only other PC who can speak Ancient, narcs on the Dwarf Wizard, revealing that something called the Ascension Machine can in fact be used to get the party one step closer to a probably fatal end-game to Ack'basha's mad quest to take down the Wizard-Daemon.  He's still clearly too new to get a decent self-preservation instinct. "He knows not what he does!"

-The team runs into a group of weird human-lizard mutants living in the lower levels of the complex, along with their pet snake-crocodile monster, immediately dubbed the Snakogator.




-It is peripherally noted that Dwarves can theoretically live for about 500 years, though they usually live far less on account of being dumbasses.

-the Brahmin, having been "blue balled" in the non-fight with the Security Drones, is now determined to 'enjoy himself' in slaughtering the lizard-mutants.




-The Dwarf Wizard points out that he speaks Lizard! No, not lizard-man, lizard.  Thus, he can actually communicate with the Snakogator, but not with the lizard-mutants.

-The Dwarf Wizard helpfully translates the Snakogator's hisses at the Brahmin; he's saying "I'm going to kill you, bitch!"

-The Cleric gets to use his Snake Charm spell to great effect; marking, in a single encounter, the first time in the campaign that either Snake Charm or speaking "lizard" proved even marginally useful.

-The Cleric tells the Brahmin that he's charmed the Snakogator, which the Brahmin interprets not as "you don't have to fight it anymore", but as "this is a great moment for an attack of opportunity".

-Having slaughtered the lizard-mutants, and taken the (injured) Snakogator as a charmed pet, the party makes their way to the Reactor Room, only to find it is flooded with radiation!  Brahmin: "Radiation? We can kill that, right?"

-Ropework the newbie wizard needs to spellburn to try to cast Mend on the reactor, and he's required to sacrifice "two of his most valued possessions"; conveniently since he was a beggar just 24 hours earlier, his most valued possessions are highly shitty replaceable stuff.

-"One of these days, Alice..."

-With Ropework's Mend spell having catastrophically failed, causing every metal weapon in the party's possession to rust, the plan is for the Dwarf Wizard to go in and try to fix the Reactor with his Dwarvish lore.  He agrees only if Ack'basha does a pre-emptive Neutralize Poison on him. The spell fails but Ack'basha, proving true to form, tells him it worked anyways.

-"I can try to fix this thing!" "Dude, you're calling it a thing! You don't even know what it is!"

-After the Dwarf fails, and develops an as yet unrevealed mutation that will eventually prove tragically hilarious, Alice recommends the party get out of the reactor core before they all get 40 types of cancer.

-Reduced to trying to crawl through the service tunnels, MC Untouchable saves Ack'basha from a deadly trap! Ack'basha promises he'll save MC Untouchable when the team meets their destiny... maybe.

-"Ack'basha, is that your Primo Staff, or are you just happy to see me?"

-The scouting party returns from the service tunnels: "we found the entrance to three rooms... one of which doesn't exist anymore."  They don't mention they also saw a horrific Tentacle Thing in the tunnels.

-The Brahmin warrior finally manages to force open the sealed gates on the other side of the reactor core, to the room that was full of water, flooding the core.  The good news is this dampens the radiation. The bad news is that it also shuts down all remaining power in the complex.  The party is now literally in the dark; they'd been there figuratively for much of the campaign.

-The party takes to using the last surviving Ancient largely for the her ability to create floating disks as impromptu elevator lifts.

-The party takes on another tribe of lizard-mutants and snakogators!  Tragically, MC Untouchable suffers a horrific death by Snakogator; "He was untouchable, but he touched all of our hearts!"

-The Brahmin finally gets a decent fight; one of the lizard-mutants bites him and clings hard to his shoulder, so he decapitates him and keeps the head for the rest of the battle as a shoulder-pad.

-The party agrees in the aftermath that the lizard-mutant loot was so shitty  it made them feel even better about committing genocide.

-Before camping down for the night, Ack'basha graffittis the walls in blood to frame Bill the Elf for the massacre.

That's the end of that session.  Will the PCs manage to get the last young Ancient out of the now-doomed Living Habitat #23? Or will they end up being responsible for the death of the last living Ancient?  Stay tuned next time to probably find out.

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DCC Campaign Log
« Reply #54 on: December 14, 2016, 12:37:43 PM »
DCC Campaign Log: Escape From Living Module 23!


The PCs started the session still inside a ruined living module of the Ancients, deep below the world.  There, they had found a single Ancient, a young girl in a stasis pod, and now are determined to get her out of there, recognizing her potentially incredible value.

Here were the interesting quips and events of the session:

-"He's living for the moment."
"that's good!"
"No, I mean he's living, for the moment."

-"the Science Brain is the only chance of finding out what happened to my people"
"We're probably going to end up destroying the Science Brain, you know."
"Why? Why do you always destroy everything??"
*shrug*

-"Whatever mutation the radioactive core gave you, it's not going to get any worse than it is at the present moment."
"That's not reassuring!"

-"You can hear BOLT-0 from the top floor.. he's in singing mode"
"RAINDROPS KEEP FALLING ON MY HEAD..."


Suddenly, the party is attacked by Shadows!




-"Is the Brahmin actually trying to trash-talk the incorporeal undead?"

-"There's only two things you know about the Insane Witches of Fondling Hills... the first is that they're witches. The second? They're insane"
"They also live in a place called the 'fondling hills'..."

-"The Dwarf Wizard cut off one of his own fingertips to spellburn.. he really wants to do 4d12+Lv damage against the Shadow. And save his own ass of course."

-"Fuck Turn Undead.. it's time for Divine Aid!"

-"G.O.D. is beneficent... but he's also useless."

-After the Brahmin takes three hits of friendly-fire from Ropework the Wizard and Dwarf Wizard's pistol shots: "STOP HELPING!"

-It's a special moment when the Cleric realizes that 'divine light' is really just the flash from the camera app in his tablet.

-"The magic nunchucks you're wielding give you a really strong psychic sense that you want to destroy these motherfucking shadows... but then, you probably already felt that anyways."

-"I probably should have done this a lot earlier, but I now cast Holy Sanctuary."
-"The warrior can finish off that last shadow, he can protect himself.. well, in theory".

-"If the brahmin warrior we just left back there dies, we're going to have to put 'death by shitbags' on his tombstone"
"oh please, its not like we're going to go back and bury the body!"

-"I'm not a psycho... I'm a Dwarf!"

-The party members have found three more cryo-tubes, these ones having two primitive humans (not "ancients"), a Dwarven Pharmacist, and a duck!




(apparently, it was one of the human farmers' pets; a fact which caused great jealousy to the other human farmer)

-"Does anyone here speak Duck?"
"I only speak lizard, spider and worm, sorry."
"You didn't have any friends when you were younger, did you?"
"Dude, please, I was an engineer!"
"He used to hang out with all the lizards and worms... but not the cool worms"

-"THE JUVENILE ANCIENT APPEARS TO HAVE SUFFERED PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA. BOLT-0 IS ENTERING COMFORTING MODE... THERE THERE, THERE THERE.."

-The Brahmin warrior, to the 11 year old girl: "Stop crying and woman up".

-"I think at this point the Cleric ought to be officially in charge of the party"
"It makes sense, I'll be the last one left alive anyways"

-"What's your name?"
"I'm Doctor Ack'Basha"

-"You're a pharmacist? So you use Leeches?"
"Have we gone backward in time?!"

-"we found this thing called a Seed Pod.. it says 'warning' and that we it should only be used as directed..." *cue immediately pressing the activation button and releasing a cloud of deadly spores that kills one of the human newbies, and the duck*
"What a tragedy.. he was a mighty duck!"


-The party runs right into a corridor after hearing the mutants they were chasing very audibly being disemboweled. There, they encounter a four-armed Murder Robot!



(other two arms not shown)


-"Goddamnit, I give you the Primo Staff for one second to fight the robot and you let it disarm you?!"

-"The dwarven pharmacist tried to pick up the Primo Staff, and now he's tripping balls! I knew it was a good idea not to warn him!"

-Once again, between the two wizards and their firearms, the Brahmin has more back injuries from friendly-fire than from the Murder Robot.
-"It is unbelievably stressful to be the warrior in this party!"

-"does my rage give me a bonus?"
"dude, your character is constantly enraged. You'd probably get a penalty if you ever weren't full of rage"

-"I've cut off two of the fucking robot's arms and blinded him, and he just won't stop.. it's the robot version of the black knight from Monty Python!"




-The robot is finally slain, right after incapacitating the Brahmin warrior. His last words: "TELL BOLT-0 HELLO!"

-"why the fuck is it that all robots have exactly the same voice?!"

-"I put my helmet back on so no one can see my tears"

-The 11-year old girl, to the brahmin warrior: "Stop crying and woman up!"

-"You've sunk to a new low, you've just been dissed by a little girl".

-"We've found the Science Brain! How much do you want to bet it's insane?"
"SILENCE! WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU HERE?"


(the Science Brain!)

-"Why the hell does the Science Brain also sound like BOLT-0?"
"SILENCE! YOU ARE MISTAKEN! BOLT-O AND ALL OTHER ROBOTS SOUND LIKE ME!!"

-"SILENCE! THIS ENTIRE COMPLEX HAS BEEN UNEXPECTEDLY SHRUNKEN! BEDROCK COLLAPSE IS IMMINENT!"
"Wait, you mean the Dwarf Wizard's misfire of the Enlarge spell has doomed the last complex of the Ancients?"
"SILENCE! YES."

-The party manages to just barely escape the collapsing complex, on an Escape Rocket! It blasts them back to the inner surface and crash-lands on one of the flying islands.


(yes, the world of the Last Sun has floating islands)

-The group immediately runs into deadly Giant Beetle-Wasps.  The Brahmin warrior is overjoyed at having a chance to regain his honor, only to be again incapacitated by a stinger.

-"dude, at this point that Ancient Exoarmor's main role is to hide your humiliation"

-"We've killed off the Beetle-Wasps. The Dwarf-Wizard's Magic Shield spell lasted just long enough to make him completely useless in the fight"

The adventure finished off for the night with the PCs trekking across the grassland of the floating island, up the hills, and getting to an Ancient Tower which was probably the rocket's pre-programmed destination. When they get there, in the middle of a thunderstorm, they are let in by a human in a Victorian Butler's costume. "Good evening.. you are just in time for Lady Norrington's party!"

-"Oh shit, I can smell a haunted house adventure coming on..."


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DCC Campaign Log
« Reply #55 on: December 25, 2016, 10:48:13 PM »
DCC Campaign Update: The Dark Ones Revealed (also, Sky-Nazis!)


We had left off with the PCs (along with the young Ancient girl, Alice) just about to enter an Ancient Emergency Shelter which apparently had been refurbished some time in the past 100000 years into a kind of Victorian Mansion (by what would turn out to be yet another new race of elves, the Posh Elves). They arrived just in time for a dinner party, and for a massive thunderstorm. It turns out that at the high altitudes of the floating islands at this level, such storms were so powerful that survival itself would be nearly impossible, meaning they were trapped inside the creepy mansion full of weirdos.

Then all this happened:

-The human weaver became a wizard. He also had turned out to be something of a 'social justice warrior'. Making him a Social Justice Warrior Wizard Weaver.

-The human butler's name is Jeeves; of course.

-There is a sudden surprise as a beam of light descends, and takes away the Cleric Ack'basha, "Ropework" the Wizard, and the other newb that didn't become a lv.1 character.  Before they were teleported, a voice rang out calling to Ack'basha, saying something like "The Supreme Council of the Presbyterian Church requires your presence!"  And just like that, the characters belonging to players not available to show up this session were gone.

-The remaining PCs were introduced to Lady Norrington, who is basically an elven version of this:




-which means that they're in a gonzo fantasy ancient high-tech version of this:




-They met quite the ensemble of Posh Elves besides: Lady Norrington's nephew Freddy, niece Lucy, her friends the Colonel and Sir Anthony Dashwood (who works for 'the ministry'), local respectables The Doctor (no, not THAT doctor) and The Vicar, the seeress Madame Theodora, and the famous elderly detective-elf named Mrs. Maplebury.  There are also a few other humans besides Jeeves: Lucy the maid, Jack the weird keeper of the botany lab, Pierre the cook, and Ted, a gunslinger from a nearby floating island called Cimmaron (with a six-shooter and ten gallon hat). The latter is apparently dating Lucy, the social gall of which has set Lady Norrington into conniptions of shock.


(posting this here because it's true, awesome, and vaguely topical in a way that probably won't come up on this blog anytime again soon)


-When inquiring to just what a 'vicar' is, the PCs learn that it's like a posh elven version of a cleric; except that they can't actually cast spells and don't really believe in god.
 "Oh, so its pretty much like the Church of England; gotcha".

-The Brahmin quickly decides he doesn't like Ted the gunslinger, and while the rest are exchanging pleasantries, he's exchanging death threats.

-Madame Theodora claims that "someone will die tonight, it is foretold"! The Brahmin answers "I just said I'm going to kill this guy."  "Exactly! It is foretold!"

-The Social Justice Warrior Weaver Wizard doesn't much care for the gruff, handlebar-mustache-wearing Colonel:
"You're discriminating!"
"Why thank you!"
"Is that mustache even real?!"
"Why of course it is you rapscallion! I won it in the last war!"

-The Dwarf Wizard: "The Brahmin is a holy man"
Alice: "HE'S a holy man?!"
Dwarf Wizard: "Yes; well, Ack'basha is more of a holy man"
Alice: "ACK'BASHA IS A HOLY MAN?!"

-The Social Justice Warrior Wizard Weaver goes to the bathroom hoping to go ethereal to snoop around; he discovers that there's an old magical teleportation pentagram there.  For some reason, in this campaign, most teleportation spells happen in bathrooms.
When he goes ethereal, he sees that the pentagram, which appeared to be inert, was actually radiating a strange dark light. Of course, he steps into the circle, and gets sucked down into the circle by shadowy tentacles!

-When the Social Justice Warrior Wizard Weaver appears to have vanished, Mrs. Maplebury claims to deduce that the Weaver was a spy for something called the "Sky-Nazis".

-The Colonel happens to think that Mr.Sky-Hitler has some fairly good ideas.

-The PCs learn that the posh elves are the ruinous distant descendants of the once mighty empire of the Pythian Knights.  Once they governed half the World of the Last Sun from the skies, but now they've retreated into their floating islands and their dusty towers.

-Alice reveals that she's an Ancient.  After some initial disbelief, Lady Norrington is convinced. She explains that long before the time of the Pythian Knights the elves were the servants of the ancients, charged with keeping this island and others like it maintained, as emergency safe-spaces for the Ancients. But the Ancients vanished, presumably destroyed by the Dark Ones.  Even so, Lady Norrington insists, this manor and all the lands of the Posh Elves actually belong to the Ancients, and if this child is the last of the Ancients then she would be the rightful owner of all of Lady Norrington's wealth and estates.  This does not go over well with Freddy, Lucy, or just about anyone else.

-Sir Anthony asks to use the communication room to contact the Ministry about this new development. The Brahmin decides that's a bad idea, and plans to kill him; but when they get to the comm room they find that the storm has cut out communications. The tower is completely cut off!

-"I say, why are you here?"
"I was going to um.. do something."
"that something wasn't going to be killing Sir Anthony, was it?"
"...maybe..."

-"Why couldn't we have crashed on a floating island full of drunks?"
"Oh, you mean Sky-Dublin?"

-"Pierre", the "french" chef, turns out to speak in a very thick German accent.

-Suddenly, the maid's bloodcurdling scream alerts everyone to the fact that Lady Norrington has been murdered! With a wrench, in the library.

-Mrs. Maplebury takes charge of the murder investigation; she starts off by interviewing everyone, one at a time. It is at this point that the Brahmin realizes the elderly elf-woman has the hots for him.

-"Hey, where's the Ancient girl?"
"I thought she was with you?"
"Goddamnit, we had ONE job..!!"

-As it turns out, Alice was in the drawing room with the ladies, but when the PCs go to find them, they discover the ladies unconscious, and Alice missing!  The Brahmin kicks Theodora the Seeress awake, to which she quickly states "ah! I knew you were going to do that!"

-The PCs figure out that Pierre, the fake chef and Sky-Nazi spy, had kidnapped Alice; they manage to catch him in the tower's hangar bay, capturing him and saving the girl.

-They tie up Pierre and ask Freddy to keep an eye on him, but Freddy freely admits that, being 'a bit of a thickie', he'd probably just end up having Pierre escape on him. So the Brahmin just decapitates Pierre.

-the Social Justice Warrior Wizard Weaver shows up again, with a strange black hole in the middle of his body!

-Jack, the crazy groundskeeper, insists that the Dark Ones are here.  He also reveals that he was a former adventurer much like the PCs, until he was left a ruin of a man, with broken hands barely useful for gardening.

-"Why do we have a pirate now?"
"Ar, I'm not a pirate, I be from the North"
"I think a lot of pirates must be from the north..."

-"I tell ye, it was the Dark Ones what took him! They changed him! They touched him in ways no man should know!"
"well, that part sounds about right."

-The Brahmin finally can't stand Madame Theodora claiming that totally obvious statements are accurate prophecies on her part, and runs her through with a vibro-sword. With her last words, she calls on her 'masters' to avenge her.

-Meanwhile, the Dwarf Wizard (who was off on his own) gets suddenly kidnapped by a group of small hideous creatures with little red hats, that look a bit like dwarves, but all wrong, and give off an aura that in every way feels like they Should Not Be.

-They introduce themselves to the Dwarf Wizard as the Dark Ones, the beings who destroyed his civilization, were responsible for the loss of the Ancients, drove G.O.D. mad, and generally fucked up the whole planet.  Though he, being a dwarf, knows them by their dwarvish term: "Gnome".


(learn the dark terrible truth about gnomes here).

-Their leader introduces himself as "Ooglesnuffler Poundmangler, Dark Lord of the Black Emptiness".
(this name generated courtesy of the random Gnome leader name chart, in Gnomemurdered)

-(Cue one of my players totally losing his shit with amazement at realizing that the Dark Ones, which he'd been assuming would turn out to be Cthulhu-esque entities all this time, actually turn out to be Gnomes)

-"All of your friends' goals will come to naught"
"To be fair, my friends are really just making it up as they go along"

-The Dwarf Wizard finds out that the only reason he's still alive is because there is something deeply wrong with him, and this intrigues the Gnomes.

-"He is like us, and yet not like us.. we shall have to discover the source of this... bring out The Probe!"

-"you all hear a third bloodcurdling scream in the distance..."

-"When, when will we finally reach the limits of what can be discovered by Probing in this campaign??!"

-The probing reveals that Dwarf Wizard had an ancestor that at some point had been mutated by the Dark Ones/Gnomes, and the mutation had lain dormant through his lineage until it was activated by the massive radiation in the reactor of the Ancient's living complex.  The Dwarf Wizard is not happy to hear that now he's as highly explosive as any other gnome, and will blow up if he falls or runs into a hard surface at sufficiently high speed.
(this and other Gnome Lore available in Gnomemurdered)

-As expected, Gnomes show up, and start to Murder everyone.

-The SJW Wizard Weaver realizes his torso is a Gate to the Gnomish void-realm. It snaps his mind.

-The majority of the Posh Elves are as useless as most other elves in this setting, and die very quickly.  A couple of the less useless ones, plus the cowboy and the Brahmin fight very bravely, but in the end they're all slain. The Brahmin finally found something he couldn't manage to kill.

-The Dwarf Wizard wakes up; for reasons he doesn't understand (but that are no doubt not in any way good) the Gnomes spared him.  For reasons he doesn't understand, they also replaced his hands with lobster claws.
(this and other Gnome mutations available in Gnomemurdered!)

-The Dwarf Wizard comes down to the scene of the slaughter and finds Alice missing, the SJW wizard insane, and the Brahmin dead.  He starts to brutally kick the Brahmin's corpse, having apparently hated the vicious bully the whole time. Unfortunately, he hurts his foot. Even in death the Brahmin can cause damage.

-There were a few survivors among the Posh Elves: the vicar, the doctor, Sir Anthony, Freddy (who is now Lord Norrington), Betty the human maid, and Mrs. Maplebury.  Mrs. Maplebury immediately claims that it was Jack who had killed Lady Norrington, now that there's no way to confirm or deny it. She also claims that the SJW Weaver Wizard is a Sky-Nazi spy.

-But the SJW Weaver Wizard is no longer interested in social justice. Instead, driven insane by the truth of being a living portable hole into the Gnomish netherworld, he now only calls himself "The Weaver", and decides he's going to kill just about everyone he can.

-The Weaver corners the Vicar and tries to kill him with his chill touch, but the Vicar's Agnostic Hymns may or may not be responsible for his spells not being cast successfully.  Unfortunately for the Vicar, they don't work so well at protecting him from the Vibro-sword the Weaver took from the Brahmin's corpse.

-When asked why he killed the vicar, he claims the Vicar had molested him.

-As everyone hunkers down to get some sleep, the Weaver sneaks into Lord Freddy Norrington's master bedroom and murders him too, trying to use the ropework spell to make it look like Freddy had accidentally killed himself in an act of auto-erotic asphyxiation.

-Sir Anthony, seeing where things are going, sneaks away in the early morning as soon as the storm breaks.  He will turn out to be the only NPC survivor of Lady Norrington's Dinner Party.

-when day breaks, the survivors at Norrington Manor are surprised by the arrival of a trio of adventurers (though really they shouldn't be, since that always happen right after a PC dies).  Actually, it's two adventurers and a replacement butler.

-The Dwarf Wizard checks out the hangar bay of the tower, finding several hovercars and a pegasus (the latter probably belonging to the dead cowboy).

-While checking out his new Pegasus, the Dwarf Wizard sees something approaching in the distance. Something that looks like... zeppelins. It's the Sky-Nazis!!





-the Dwarf Wizard, very sensibly, wants to high-tail it out of there. But the Weaver, being completely insane at this point, and having just finished murdering Betty and Mrs. Maplebury, totally wants to stay and meet the Sky-Nazis. Again, because he's insane.

-"how do we even know they're Sky-Nazis?"
"Well, the Zeppelins have swastikas on them"
"Are they sky-swastikas?"
"No, that would just be silly!"

-The Sky-Nazis blow up the front entrance, and demand to know where Pierre is, and more importantly where the Ancient girl is. The Dwarf Wizard wisely hid himself, but when the Sky-Nazis find out that apparently Pierre is dead and the Gnomes kidnapped the Ancient girl, and especially when the Weaver just casually mentions that the Gnomes came and left (with Alice) through a gate that appears in his torso, they decide to take the Weaver to be interrogated (presumably via torture) by the "Sky-obergrupenfuhrer".

-"those Sky-Nazis are really rude!"
"dude, they're SKY-NAZIS, what the fuck did you expect?!"

-The Dwarf-Wizard now plans to get the fuck out while the getting is good, but the sound of hovercar-sirens makes it clear that the getting has just stopped being good.

-The Dwarf-wizard is presented with Chief Inspector Elephant, of "the Yard", who is here to arrest him on suspicion of having something to do with the murder of the entire main branch of the Norrington peerage.

-"Oh man.. is Ack'basha's player going to be pissed when he gets back and hears about all this..."

So, the session ends on a sort of triple-cliffhanger worthy of a season-ender: one of the PCs has been nicked by the Yard, another is a prisoner of the Sky-Nazis, the last surviving Ancient is now a prisoner of the Dark Ones (who turned out to be Gnomes) and we still don't know what the fuck the "Council of the Presbyterian Church" is.

Also, it was pointed out to me that the Sky-Nazis were only the second-worst villains in this adventure. Third-worst if you count the PCs themselves.

Stay tuned for more DCC fun in a couple of weeks, and happy new year!

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« Reply #56 on: January 08, 2017, 05:24:25 AM »
DCC Campaign Archive: The Presbyterian Council! Into the Gnomish Netherworld! PLUS The Return of Bill The Elf!


The last adventure had found the party severely separated. Ack'Basha the Cleric had been summoned by something called the Supreme Council of the Presbyterian Church, the Dwarf Wizard had been arrested by the Yard on suspicion of murdering everyone at Norrington Manor, and the Weaver had been taken prisoner by the Sky-Nazis.  At the same time, Alice (the last surviving child of the Ancients) had been captured by the Dark Ones (revealed last adventure to be dreaded Gnomes!) and taken to their Gnomish Netherverse.  The Gnomish Netherverse was the plane of the Last Sun where the Gnomes had first breached this reality from the Void Beyond, and it was utterly consumed by them and made into a twisted twilight realm of their nightmares.

Now:

-Ackbasha meets the Presbyterian Council, who turn out to be a denomination of Clerics that believe in pre-destination. He quickly figures out that this means they're mostly useless as human beings.




-The Presbyterian Council governs a large city of humans called The City of Reasonably Efficient Plumbing.

-They kidnapped Ack'basha because they think he is pre-destined to go stop a Tarrasque from awakening from its magical slumber.  Apparently Grenoble the cleric had imprisoned it on an isolated island in the Mid-Inner Ocean some 150 years ago, but now the activities of the Party Pandas threatens to wake it.




-The Dwarf Wizard and the Weaver, meanwhile, are each being interrogated by their respective captors. Although the severity of the interrogations are quite the contrast with each other.
In the Yard: "We can get pretty tough with you, you know: for example, no tea for you!"
In the sky-prison of the sky-nazis: "strip the skin off his genital slowly!"

-Ack'basha requests that the council bring his friends over to help him. The Council summons the Science-Presbyterian, who informs them that said friends are no longer in Norrington Manor but he will search for them. Meanwhile the Service-Presbyterian (who is passively contented to be 'predestined' to a life of menial servitude) leads Ack'basha to some quarters where he can rest.





-Ack'basha gets an idea and asks the Science-Presbyterian to find a teleport BOLT-0 to him, expecting (correctly) that BOLT-0 would still be where they'd last known him to be going, in the dragon cave in Yeti Country.

-"BOLT-0 IS QUICKLY REMEMBERING WHY HE LEFT THIS CITY"

-The Weaver and the Sky-Obergrupenfuhrer who is interrogating him develop a rapport over their mutual interest in crafts and crochet. The Sky-Obergrupenfurher is quite pleasantly amazed to hear that the Weaver is actually a pre-Disaster human who had been preserved all this time in suspended animation.




-The Sky-Obergrupenfurher decides to contact the Sky-Marshal with the news, and leaves the Weaver in his most comfortable torture cell, to be lightly whipped by a leather-clad blonde named Inga while he is given some Sky-Nazi reading material:  "Volk Und Blud Magazine", "Sky-Reich Weekly" and the Sky-Fuhrer's seminal work "Mein Struggle With Childhood Obesity".

-at the Yard: "So you're expecting me to believe that out of nowhere, Gnomes just showed up and Murdered everyone?"




-"I didn't summon the gnomes!"
"Then why do you have lobster claws for hands, eh??"

-"Could we somehow bring Alice back to life from the realm of the dead, if the Gnomes have killed her?"
"IT IS LIKELY THAT IF THE GNOMES SLAY ALICE, IT WILL BE FOR HER DELICIOUS DELICIOUS SOUL".

-The Weaver has informed the Sky-Nazis that there was an Ancient child at Norrington Manor, but she was kidnapped by Gnomes.  As the value of a true Ancient would be immesurable to the Sky-Nazis, the Sky-Obergrupenfurher decides that they must return to the manor, and calls on the SS-Runenwizards.

-He has other plans for the Weaver, however: "As a pure-bred human, you are to be taken to Sky-Base-1 of the Sky-Reich, where you will be made to breed with physically perfect Aryan women for the rest of your long life!"
"you know, I'm cool with that!"

-Suddenly, the Weaver is teleported away from his promised future of Sky-Nazi breeding, as he has been found by the Presbyterian Council!
-"But I was supposed to breed!"
"Clearly, you were not predestined to do so!"

-"Fuck me, I've been cock-blocked by the Presbyterians!"
"If you were cock blocked, it was by G.O.D., long ago!"





-"with great power comes great responsibility..."
"But I can only cast Ropework!"

-The Presbyterian Council will determine whether they are pre-determined to be determined to assist the PCs.





-Meanwhile, the PCs are teleported to the island of the Tarrasque, where they encounter the Party Pandas who appear to be busy with a neverending dance party to the tune of a song called "what is love".





-while the other PCs try to carefully observe and negotiate with the Party Pandas, endeavoring to explain to them that not only their lives, but countless others, will be doomed if they awaken the Tarrasque, the Weaver just decides to cut out the diplomacy by running through DJ Panda with his laser sword.

-The Party Pandas immediately turn feral and start to attack the party, but they're scared off by Ack'basha's invocation of Divine Aid.  Bolt-O smashes all their sound equipment, and the PCs destroy everything in the Panda village, except the barrel of Ecstasy pills, which they keep for themselves.

(continued in next post)
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« Reply #57 on: January 08, 2017, 05:24:55 AM »
-Back at the City of Reasonably Efficient Plumbing, the PCs learn that the Presbyterian Clerics don't really have an armory, but they do have a collection of comfortable orthopedic shoes.



(extra credit: Mr. Rogers was a Presbyterian Minister He believed most of the children he talked to on his show were predestined by God at the dawn of time to be doomed to eternal hellfire)

-"BOLT-0 WANTS TO KNOW HOW YOU KNEW HE HAD A BOWL OF COMMANDING WATER ELEMENTALS INSIDE HIS CHEST COMPARTMENT!"
"Do you want me to talk about the other things I saw in there?"
"BOLT-O IS NO LONGER INTERESTED IN CONTINUING THIS CONVERSATION!"

-Meanwhile, Sezrekhan brings Bill the Elf back to life, in a new body, with the mission to infiltrate the group and recover the Ancient girl, if she's still alive!

-the Presbyterians conduct a ritual to open the portal to the Gnomish Netherworld in the Weaver's torso, prompting BOLT-0 to tell Weaver "REMAIN STILL WHILE BOLT-0 GOES INSIDE YOU"!

-They arrive at the Gnomish Netherworld, a photonegative world of barren landscapes, giant hills of piled-up underwear, and fairy-tale giant trees with cute little treehouses on the branches.

-The disguised Bill The Elf arrives at the Supreme Council and gets to go through the portal just by telling the Presbyterians "I'm predestined to go through this portal".




-Once through, Bill presents himself to the PCs as "Blade", a demon-hunter.

-Before the PCs can really question his story, they are immediately attacked by a band of sand-surfing killer gnomes, led by a commander named Fizzletwist Staffpounder.




-Bolt-0 summons a massive Water Elemental.

-"Oh great, another great huge loud thing... there goes the element of surprise."
"BOLT-0 LIKES THIS THING!"

-Bolt-0 and the Elemental go off to make a big distraction, while the PCs sneak into the giant Gnomish tree. Bill/Blade makes use of his gnomish-impersonating amulet. Beneath the tree there's a huge high-tech complex.

-They find their way to a room that has a button indicating there's a "super happy funslide".
"Nothing is going to be super-happy in here."
"It might be, for the Gnomes!"




-sliding down it, they end up in the complex's trash pile and get attacked by an undead Gnu.




(I google image-searched for "undead gnu" with ZERO expectation of finding something, and yet...)

-defeating the Gnu-skeleton, they get out of the trash pit, up an escalator, and find their way into a place filled with little red hats. Among these, there are some hidden Gnomish assassins, that go after them with flame-throwers!

-Forced to cast spells to save the group, "Blade"/Bill-the-elf tries to convince the group that he's a special 'demon hunter' class taken from some obscure sourcebook or something.

-The group makes their way into another corridor, where they're attacked by an Elemental Snowman!
"So wait, the gnomes attack us with flamethrowers first, and then their second line of defence is a snowman? Did they not think this through??"

-They find the Ancient girl, trapped inside a dark magical triangle, in a room filled to the brim with gnomes!  But they use some divine aid to teleport Alice out of the room and into the hallway, drop a huge choking cloud in the room and then run like hell.

-They hear a war horn sounding behind them and soon they have gnomes surrounding them at each turn, requiring a brutal running fight.




-They run into special forces gnomes, specifically, the Hyperdiabetes-inducing Cuddly Death Gnomes!
"I'm going to run past them!"
"Ok, but you realize that would generate Hugs of Opportunity?"

-They manage to get into the next room, but then Blade/Bill's "ward portal" spell works a little too well, and ends up getting them locked in.

-They manage to use a laser sword to burn their way through, and after facing some gnomish snipers, they get out of the complex and manage to get away (after a frightening encounter with some blinking gnome statues).  They get back to the portal only to almost get themselves garotted to death by gnomish assassins with little red scarves. Even so, they finally make it out.

-"No, you can't cast Ward Portal on the Weaver's torso".

-The Weaver wants to be sent back to the Sky-Nazis and their appealing-sounding breeding program.  Since his body has a portal that could spew deadly gnomes from it at any time, the Presbyterians are only too happy to oblige.

-As soon as he is happily reunited with the Sky-Nazis, the Weaver lets slip that Alice the Ancient girl is alive and staying at the Presbyterian Council.




That's all for today, stay tuned for more DCC goodness in a couple of weeks!

RPGPundit

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« Reply #58 on: January 26, 2017, 01:09:46 AM »
DCC Campaign Update: Pepito the Talking Rat


In this week's action-packed adventure, the party found themselves resting up a bit in the City of Reasonably Efficient Plumbing, as guests of the Supreme Council of the Presbyterian Church.  They'd just gone through enormous effort to save Alice, a young girl who's possibly the last surviving Ancient, from being murdered by Gnomes. Of course, unbeknownst to them, the latest addition to their numbers is none other than the nefarious Bill the Elf, in yet another new body! He is on a mission from Sezrekhan to kidnap Alice.


Then:

-3 guys appeared. Never doubt the GM's ability to explain how 3 guys appear where they have no sensible reason to.

-A couple of PCs run into Pepito the talking rat, who tells them that he knows the location of a dungeon that guards the last surviving Wish Parasite.





-They learn that a Wish Parasite is a kind of particularly ugly worm that, if eaten, will grant you a single Wish.  They also hear that a Wish is like a 9th level spell, which in a world that has no spells higher than 5th level is very impressive.

-Pepito won't talk when presented to the Presbyterian Council, leading the Presbyterians to wonder if the Dwarf Wizard (who brought him) was really not so much destined to be teleported to a dungeon as he was destined to be committed to a mental health facility.




-"The Ancient Girl can imagine she's deciding for herself about where she wants to go, she has just as much of an illusion of free will as the rest of us do."

-"Blade", aka Bill the Elf, tries to take Alice to see Sezrekhan; first by some ridiculous efforts at sign language and then by pretending to cry. He doesn't speak Ancient and she doesn't speak Common, or he'd have understood when she told him that actually she wants to go see Sezrekhan, and that he should man the fuck up.

-Finally, he calls in a Service Presbyterian who can speak Ancient, and tries to cast Charm on her.
"You rolled a 20. You definitely Charm the Service Presbyterian; do you want to Charm Alice too?"
"No, I mean she already wants to go with me, so I don't need to mentally control her to force her to come.. aw, fuck it, sure!"

-When Bill tries to Invoke Sezrekhan, he fails his saving throw and goes into an insane bloodlust. When he comes out of it, he's sliced the Service Presbyterian in half, and murdered Alice.
"You ran Alice right through with your vampiric blade, she's dead."
"Are you sure? I check her pulse!"




-Bill's plan to avoid getting the blame for this involves writing "Bill Did This" in blood on the wall, and then throwing himself out a window.

-Sezrekhan is, to say the least, not pleased. He threatens to rain meteors on the entire city and to destroy Bill's phylactery; but he's willing to give Bill 24 hours to accomplish the seemingly impossible and somehow save Alice.  After all, 6th level henchmen are hard to come by, even if they've fucked up every major mission.

-"Don't you see that if we work together we can achieve more?"
"You've achieved NOTHING!"

-The Prebyterians find the corpses, and quickly inform the rest of the PCs: "You must come quickly! A terrible tragedy was always meant to happen right now!"

-"So you saw Bill the Elf kill Alice... how did you know he was Bill?"
"Um... before he threw me out the window he said 'I'm Bill'!"

-"OK, let's stop vainly looking for inconsistencies in Blade's story and go do this Wish Parasite thing!"

-"Bill's had some good plans, but they never seem to come through.  Come to think of it, Bill's mishaps have become the main driving force of the campaign."
"It's not just Bill, it's all of us. We're on a neverending quest to fix our last fuckups!"

-"Well, you do have a purpose: you guys usually stop a Really Horrible thing from happening, by making merely Horrible things happen instead".

-The PCs get teleported to the dire mountains, on the northern continent which separates the Sea of Grass and the Mad Kingdoms.  Guided by Pepito the Rat, they find their way to a mountain; after some effort they discover that part of the cliff-side is actually an illusory wall.

-Pepito suggests that although the wall feels very solid, the PCs might be able to get through it by running right at it at high-speeds, "Harry Potter-style".

-Ack'Basha tries to murder Pepito the Talking Rat!
"You crazy man! You been staring too long into the abyss, man!"

-When the other players object, he casts Word of Command to prove his suspicions, and true enough, when ordered to "CONFESS!" Pepito admits that he's actually a wizard who got permanently polymorphed into a rat, and was going to steal the Wish Parasite after the PCs did all the hard work, to wish to become a Daemon.

-Ack'Basha strangles Pepito to death. This time no one objects.

-The PCs get past the illusory wall (all except BOLT-O who apparently can't because he's a robot), and there find themselves attacked by a pair of onyx living-statues dressed as samurais!

-Meanwhile, BOLT-O and the one PC who stayed outside, a 0-level barbarian fire-maker, end up encountering another adventuring party! They call themselves the Super Adventure Buddies, and consist of three Hipster Elves named Peter, Geoffrey and and Archie, and a Sloth disguised as an elf (who goes by the name of Arturo "Hot Rod" Rodriguez).

-Figuring the party needs more cannon fodder, they team up with the Super Adventure Buddies; but in the fight with the living statues the elves prove to be as useless as everyone assumed they would be. All three elves trip and fall in the dirt when they try to hit anything. "Hot Rod" is pretty handy with a 9mm automatic, though.




-The party moves on to find a bunch of Troglodyte guards, and a brutal battle ensues.  In it, the party starts dropping like flies.

-Dwarf Wizard: "Every wizard is an asshole but me"
Butler: "So, every wizard is an asshole, then?"

-Moments after his contentious claim, the Dwarf wizard gets wasted.  Ack'basha, protected as usual by his Holy Sanctuary spell, loots the wizard's corpse in mid battle.

-Some of the party managed to flee outside, where Bolt-0 was waiting.
"BOLT-0 HAS NEVER FELT SO USELESS!"
Ropework: "I know that feeling."

-With almost all his allies dead or fled, Ack'basha is left with no choice but to actually fight now, so he uses divine aid to create a ring of fire that immolates most of the Troglodytes.
"You realize this is just Sequester in reverse, right? Ack'basha has literally become the anti-Bill".

-Geoffrey, the last surviving actual elf of the Super Adventure Buddies, manages to actually kill one Trog before getting impaled by another Trog. Then Kragnar impales the Trog, in a "grotesque daisy chain of death".

-Bill/Blade meanwhile had hidden himself and went into the Trog house, only to find another 30 or so trogs, most of them women and children.  Being familiar with humanoid behaviors at this point, the party take no chances and burn down the house with all in it.

-"See? What can't be solved by religious genocide?"

-In the battle, the fake-elf/sloth "Hot Rod" has slipped away. This before Ack'basha could paranoically murder him. He's a clever sloth.

-The surviving PCs continue, eventually reaching a cavern where they encounter an old companion who had been lost for a while, the Blog-Swine named Chu. It appeared the Troglogdytes had strung him up to be offered as some kind of blood sacrifice, but to what was not clear.

-They use Second Sight to play 'hot & cold' as to what's the closest direction to their goal, but it leads them into a room that appears to be empty. That is, until they figure out there's yet another illusory wall.

-Krognar the Fire-Maker decides to run right through the wall, and he does, and right into the eruptive fire-trap behind the illusion. Ironically, the Fire-Maker is burned to death.

-They find themselves in what appears to be another dead end, until they realize there's another false wall, which instead of being an illusion is actually a trap, as it collapses on top of Ropework.

-The wall reveals a large central chamber, featuring a pool of shit surrounded by a magic circle of runes (not 'weird shit' or something like that, I mean literal feces).

-Chu throws a coin in the pool of shit, and nothing happens. Then he throws a coin onto the runes, disrupting the circle, and the pool of shit turns into Orgluz the Shit Demon!  Fortunately for the party, it seems that Orgluz is now bound to serve Chu. Chu is of course quite pleased to have a massive pile of shit at his side.




-The liberation of the poop demon also opened yet another secret door, which Orgluz claims will lead them to the Wish Parasite, and their chance to save Alice. So, on the party will go.

But not today, as we had to end there for the day.

Stay tuned for more adventures shortly!

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« Reply #59 on: February 20, 2017, 06:29:19 PM »
DCC Campaign Archive: "There Will Be No Consequences Whatsoever!"


We had left of in the last session with our stalwart PCs deep inside the Dungeon of the Wish Parasite; seeking that mythical entity which (when swallowed) will allegedly grant you a single Wish.  The justification the group had for being there was the effort to use the wish to bring Alice, the young Ancient girl, back to life (after she had been brutally accidentally murdered by Bill the Elf). Of course, in fact almost everyone involved had a second wish in mind should they be the ones to get the parasite.

From there, now this happened:

-three new characters were created, that would show up shortly.  One was a Dwarven Ratcatcher, one was a Dwarven Freemason (which prompted "do they run the world?" and the response "its pretty obvious from the state of things that absolutely no one is running this world") and a "mutant" (actually, just a human who feels like a mutant in a human's body) who makes his living as a Fanfic writer.

-The player who ran "Ropework" the Wizard had to quit the group, at least for a while, due to real-life commitments.
"I'm going to miss Ropework.. he was so damn normal!"

-The PCs (more specifically, Chu) had liberated Orgluz the Poop Demon. "wouldn't be the first time someone named Chu released a load of stinking shit". Orgluz is apparently bound to serve Chu, and guides them toward where the Wish Parasite was located.



(do poop demons poop? Is that how they reproduce??)

-The first room they reach features a dead giant spider, with several 9mm slugs in it. They realize at this point that Arturo "Hot Rod" Rodriguez, the sloth disguised as an elf, is still very much alive and ahead of them on the trail of the parasite!


(sloth gangtas are a serious problem in the world of the Last Sun)

-Being aware of the possibility of confusion, Chu orders Orgluz to kill all elves AND sloths.

-There are some giant cave lizards. Chu retreats from the fight almost immediately, letting Orgluz do the fighting (Ack'basha doing his usual trick of casting sanctuary on himself and not giving a flying fuck about anyone else). Unfortunately, Orgluz's attack causes the lizards to flee, right toward Chu!

-Ack'basha casts darkness in the area of the lizards.  The Dwarves, meanwhile, decide they want to keep fighting: "Like Magic Missiles, we will charge at the darkness!"

-cue some debate on whether in DCC, infravision allows Dwarves to see in a Darkness spell-zone.

-The Dwarves speak in high-pitched squeaky voices, by the way, even though no other Dwarf in the entire campaign ever has thus far.

-"Those Dwarves sound like Halflings with Throat Cancer, or something!"

-The three newcomers are accepted into the party. But Ack'basha issues the stern warning that he'll cut the balls off of anyone who gets between him and that Wish Parasite.  Since pretty much everyone wants that parasite, it was probably a necessary alert.

-The party tries to follow it's longstanding tradition of bulking up the equipment of the newcomers, only this time they're very short on supplies.
"What can we give the newbs?"
"I have a dagger.."
"I have nothing."
"I have feces!"

-The group proceeds into what Orgluz warns is called the Chamber of Fire.
"It's basically a chamber, that sets you on fire."

-Luckily, Ack'basha knows "resist cold and heat".  He protects everyone except Orgluz, who is immune to normal fire, but comes out of the chamber smelling like hot shit.

-The Human/Mutant-Otherkin knows Ack'basha, not just because the cleric is already fairly famous, but because he's personally written a slash fanfic of Ack'basha and Bill the Elf.


(actual fanfiction quote)

-The party then enters the Pagoda of Air and Water, where they have to face a flying animated metal warrior.

-They are told that the Pagoda is actually a trap, containing a False Wish Parasite that's poisonous. There, they find the corpse of "Hot Rod" Rodriguez, who clearly was not privy to that information.

-As they're crossing a rickety wooden bridge out of the pagoda and toward the location of the TRUE Wish Parasite, Orgluz the Poop Demon betrays the party! It turns out he was just faking being bound to Chu.

-The Dwarves try to stop him by throwing their melee weapons at him, even though the span of the underground river that separates them guarantees that all their weapons will end up in the water.

-With nothing he can do, the Fanfic Writer starts to write fanfic about the situation, writing himself in as a Mary Sue.


(Shut up, Wesley)

-"These Dwarves are like Village idiots or something!"
"We were exiled!"
"Clearly!"

-to try to catch up to Orgluz, Ack'basha uses divine aid to part the waters, all Moses-like.

-They reach the grotto of the Wish Parasite, finding it to be a small worm-like creature in a jar, shouting as loudly as its little voice allows: "Eat me! Please eat me! I'll grant your fondest wish! There will be no consequences whatsoever!!"


(a little too friendly...)

-Orgluz, injured but still kicking (or stinking) has the jar, but Ack'basha pulls it out of his hand with Jedi-like powers.

-Chu considers a betrayal. "You should totally betray him, he's not expecting it"
"oh, Ack'basha is totally expecting it!"
"Right now Ack'basha is totally expecting to be betrayed by absolutely everyone.."

-Orgluz screams something about 'his precious' and charges the PCs!

-"can I turn the water on him into holy water again?"
"no, he hasn't got any water left on him, only shit; and ironically there's no such thing in this setting as Holy Shit"

-Fortunately for the group, Orgluz was already quite damaged, and the party destroys him. One of the Dwarves tackles him down and pummels him to death with a rock. His dying words are "all I wanted was to be beautiful!!"

-The Wish Parasite is increasingly distressed by its lack of being digested "will SOMEBODY please eat me??!"

-Ack'basha swallows the Parasite, and wishes for G.O.D to be restored.
"But what about bringing Alice back to life?"
"I don't really give a fuck about Alice."

-Shortly after his wish, Ack'basha feels great intestinal distress, followed by his apparently pooping out a rainbow. The rainbow, in the same voice as the parasite, cries out "I'm freeeee!"

-Ack'basha also permanently loses 3 points of Luck. "I lied.. there were consequences!!"

-Ackbasha's tablet suddenly changes screen from the constant "Emergency!" sign to a blue screen saying "Rebooting... installing updates... 5 minutes remaining... 12 hours remaining... 17 minutes remaining..."

-the tablet finally reboots into a screen that says "Initiating Apocalypse Mode"
"well... that can't be good!"

-The group decides to make their way out of the dungeon to see if the world has changed any, and to try to find out just what "apocalypse mode" is. Along the way, they run into a pair of living statues.  One of the dwarves tries to run for it, and is quickly cut down. The other dwarf dies shortly thereafter, thus ending the menace of having to face several more sessions of ridiculous dwarf voices.

-the fight is happening on a flight of stairs. Chu fumbles his attack, trips, rolls down the stairs into the statue, knocking it down and shattering it.
"Best fumble ever!"

-"my fanfiction writer is a pacifist"
"well, that could change"
"no, I'm not going to make him into another Vishal!"
"You know there's a large range between 'total pacifist' and 'psychotic mass-murderer', right?"

-"the Dwarves are dead! What do we do?"
"Loot them!"

-"This is Bolt-0, he's a robot necromancer"
"BOLT-O IS MORE ACCURATELY DESCRIBED AS A BOLT-TIGHTENING ROBOT; NECROMANCY IS ONLY BOLT-O'S HOBBY"

-Bolt-0 isn't sure, but he strongly suspects the "Apocalypse Mode" is going to kill every living thing that doesn't match up to G.0.D.'s criteria of purity, including every last mutant, most monsters, pretty well everything except for probably humans, dwarves, elves and MAYBE halflings.

-"So you've destroyed the world, Ack'Basha... you know, I'm pretty sure Bill is not the asshole anymore!"

-"How could we revive Alice to stop the Apocalypse Protocol?"
"Well, you could use a wish parasite.. oh yeah, I ate the last one!"

-"You're responsible for genocide!"
"Yes, but it's genocide for the greater good"

-The communication scroll to contact the Presbyterian Council is not working; either something has gone wrong with the magic, or the entire Presbyterian Council is dead.  Naturally, the PCs assume the latter.

-"So we're stuck here in the sharp mountains. Do we even have food?!"
"BOLT-0 DOES NOT REQUIRE FOOD. HE DOES REQUIRE TUNGSTEN, BUT THERE IS AN AMPLE SUPPLY!"

-"You have too destroyed the world, Ack'basha! That's what the word 'apocalypse' means!"
"It actually just means 'revelation'".
"That useless factoid brought to us by Chu".

To get out of the mountains, the PCs decide to use magic to contact the Azure Order; who do indeed teleport the PCs out... and right into a magical binding circle.  Their first question to Ack'basha is "What did you do?!!", suggesting they've already heard about the Apocalypse Protocol.

That's all for this time.  Next time, the Apocalypse Protocol!


RPGPundit

Currently Smoking: Neerup Poker + Gawith's Winter Flake

(February 20, 2016)
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