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DCC Campaign Update: Halconlords!

The last adventure was a bit shorter than usual, as our youngest gamer was starting his school year the next morning.  But anyways, here are, very briefly, the things we learned, with varying degrees of surprise or the lack thereof, that:

-Astrology based on following the path of the floating islands in the sky is about as unreliable as most other methods of fortune telling.

-Some halfings have a vested interest in being nicknamed "binky".

-Indoor plumbing is one sophisticated comfort of living in Arkhome; or would be if it wasn't for the tentacles in the sink.

-The Halconlords appear to be planning to become the next major power in Arkhome on the basis of graffiti alone.

-Evil nightingales are total assholes.

-Nobles who post rewards for the rescue of their kidnapped child get flooded with annoying treasure-seekers.

-Bourgeois secretaries have little patience with absurd claims of allegedly psychic halflings.

-The Halconlords appear to actually be planning to become the next major power in Arkhome on the basis of kidnapping the children of the aristocracy.

-"Never split up the party" is apparently an ancient axiom, but one that this particular group of PCs has decided is just superstition.

-Most locally produced meat products, milk, and ink in Arkhome comes from the giant snail farms of the Tower of Snails.

-"Never split up the party even further to include various groups of one" is not actually an axiom, but if it was this particular PC group would shit all over that one too.

-While most young gender-fluid 3rd level wizards would consider it suicide to go into a dungeon totally by themselves, apparently at least one does not.

-The Halconlords are in fact planning to become the next major power in Arkhome by assaulting the turf of the feral halfling tribegang.  Queen Boo-boo does not look kindly on this, and halflings everywhere are going apeshit with paranoia.

-Slathering a tied-up halfling in honey and threatening to unleash a half-starved dog at him is probably an effective way to get him to talk, but Charm Person might be easier.

-While most young gender-fluid 3rd level wizards would probably die horribly at the hands of a giant Toadgator, 14 brain-eaten slaves, and a vicious brain-eaten axe-wielding maniac; apparently at least one will end up miraculously kicking all their asses instead.

-Aside from everything else, the Halconlords apparently also plan on becoming the next major power in Arkhome by being incredibly well-dressed total bad-ass fighter-assassins with scary halcon-masks.

-That Evil Nightingale really is a complete asshole.


(March 11, 2014)

DCC Campaign Update

In this weekend's exciting second-parter to the previous adventure, it was revealed that:

-Being a snail-feeder is one of the least-rewarding jobs possible; to the point that if any drunken maniac asks you if you want to be an adventurer, you'll jump at the chance.

-Taking a shower or using a toilet on Arkhome can sometimes be a deadly proposition.

-Tentacular Horrors are no match for the ethereal armies of Elfland.

-The Halfling definition of "do the right thing" is "betray your trusted ally at the first sign of weakness".

-Giant Crocotoads are a tastier raw-flesh dish for feral Halflings than Tentacular Monstrosity; but neither hold a candle to delicious human-flesh.

-The Torture-Chamber staff of the Assassin King is surprisingly inclusive of Gender and Sexual Preference. Also, his secretarial pool is beyond reproach.

-The Halconlords are extremely good at planning coupes d'etat.

-Gang Wars in Arkhome very quickly get out of hand.

-On the other hand, Halconlords are not that keen on the "sanity" department.

-The Tower of Corpses is just a name, it's actually a decent enough place.

-Halconlords are excellent, however, at cryptic esoteric statements that make no sense but have an air of significance.

-Clerics in Arkhome, or in general for that matter, have a hard life; but once in a while being able to download the Wrath of G.O.D. makes it all worthwhile.

-Halconlords have seen the Ribond, and think soon you will too, and then take up the Halconmask.

-Duke Halcon is a take-charge kind of homicidal maniac; so is his second in command, "the Thrush".

-Ogres make surprisingly good wizards, by ogre-standards.

-Dropping a tub full of man-fat into a swordfight doesn't necessarily make anything better, but it does make things a hell of a lot funnier.

-Some second-parters end up being three-parters.


(March 25, 2014)

DCC Campaign Update

This weekend we finally finished the (3rd part of the) adventure at hand.  We got a couple of new 1st level characters (from new players in our group), namely an ex-professional-torturess turned mercenary warrior woman, and an ex-astrologer turned wizard (in an already wizard-heavy party).

The party learned:

-The first rule of not getting bored is "don't split up the party".

-The second rule is "don't hang out with four times more NPCs than you have players"!

-Charm person quickly creates little megalomaniacs.

-Said little megalomaniacs can get away with it, at least for a good long while, if they also have some serious magic missile power.

-Some Elves just really, really want to Summon a bear.

-When you're hanging out with a bunch of hired mercenaries, and a bunch of loyal Assassin's Guild assassins, sometimes the best answer is to just let them kill each other.

-A dude with a hoe can occasionally end up surviving to become a hero... but if his name is Olaf, he's also doomed to be called "Hoe-laf" for the rest of his career.

-Ogre Wizards have an excessive love of Color Spray.

-In Arkhome, wealthy parents tell their young children to behave or the halflings will come to eat them.

-Sometimes, the best strategy is to just hide out in a barn full of Giant Snails until the heat is off.

-Sometimes, the best plan is to just sell back the Old Families' children at a bargain price.

-Its not a good idea to start shooting at a non-belligerent Imp when you're surrounded by dozens of mafiosi.

-Imps are tough to assassinate.

-Once in a while, when a gang tries a move to take over the entire city of Arkhome, it may possibly work; but more likely the result will be that instead of two gangs squabbling for control over the city, you end up with six.

-Just because you've been geas-ed to be unable to talk about the Eye Tyrants, doesn't mean they aren't on their way.

-The Snake Witch is alive.


(April 9, 2014)

DCC Campaign Update

In today's surreal adventure, the player characters were confronted by:

-Highly confused zero-level characters.

-A "curiosity shop" that actually had useful things.  Like curious wands that leave you wondering what they do.

-One of those useful things actually being a plexiglass screen that could be fitted into the modified back of a Pythian Battle Armor to accommodate extra mutant eyes.

-Angry old-family would-be kidnappers.

-"Crazy Leper Jim"

-A guy begging for 'magic items for the poor' might turn out to be a useful hireling with 7 years of interpretive-dance training.

-Rumors of mad wizards turning halflings into goats (with halfling-faces).

-Confirmation of said rumours.

-On the other hand, the crazy leper with 7 years of interpretive dance training might just be the mad wizard they were looking for, in disguise.

-Nicodemus actually being a working-class mad archmage named Nikos.

-Said Nikos being Bugfuck Crazy.

-A stirring condemnation of their own moral failings as adventurers.

-Chicken-headed elves.

-0-level versions of the Human Torch.


-Doctor Ironbutt.

-The smelliest hashish-dealer in the world.

-The sewers of Arkhome, yet again.

-Clinically-depressed Sewer Giants.

-The "hand-people" being literally people with hands for heads. And flamethrowers; just because.

-The troubling possibility of a Hand-people/ Frog-cult alliance.

-The Sewer-Freak Tribe.

-The fact that you can have up to three patrons, and screw them all over, if you're both very lucky and very powerful; but even then, you'll probably end up batshit crazy as your best case scenario.

-The Twice-confirmed realization that walking through a Sequester-trap is not a good idea under any circumstances.

-The reality that using up personality points as a dump stat can have really serious consequences.

-The tragic death of Ted, scarring Bill forever.

-The mad wizard Nikos' big lesson being: that he's an asshole.

-Heroism and morality, as adventurers, not being all its cracked up to be.

-The Eco-Ogre Army is coming.


(April 22, 2014)

DCC Campaign Report

In this shocking adventure the PCs encountered:

-the surprising reality that extra-dimensional tentacled entities make good leather-workers, and appreciate reggae music.

-the unsurprising confirmation that the Desert Nomads would be seriously grief-stricken by news of Ted's death; including the tearing of robes and hair, the covering of the face with sand and ashes, the wailing and lamentations of women and the beating of heads against rocks.

-the moderately insightful discovery that blaming the death of the greatest elven camel racer of all time would just about be enough to unite the desert tribes in holy war against the Eco-Ogres.

-the more unexpected discovery that having a drunken metal-skinned cleric swear to take on the Eco-ogre's chieftain in a singular combat of champions would totally seal the deal.

-the repeated confirmation that partying with desert-nomad booze is a generally bad idea.

-the anthropological insight that desert nomads and Eco-ogres alike follow the 'laws of the desert', particularly the rule that oases are absolutely neutral ground.

-the entirely predictable personal realization that the PCs are quite prepared to shit all over the 'laws of the desert'.

-the totally-from-left-field discovery that some oasis-lagoons have Magic Talking Otters living in them.

-the follow-up discovery that said Otters are grumpy misanthropes who want to be left alone.

-the unfortunate conclusion that one well-placed explosive desert nomad is not enough to take out 40 Eco-ogres in one shot.

-the expectable development that adding a thousand water-dragon hatchlings to an oasis may save your ass from the Eco-ogres, but will do nothing to gain you the trust and friendship of the Magic Otter.

-the completely unusual sudden arrival of Time Dinosaurs!

-the delightful surprise of finding that Time Dinosaurs are both sophisticated and pious.

-the unwittingly problematic aspects of asking the Time Dinosaurs to drop you off somewhere "really safe".

-the biological/cultural division of Elvenkind; and the fascinating discovery that "Hipster Elves" are very different in personality from "Smug Elves".

-the disturbing Huxleyan connotations of the Elven Silver Dome Panopticon, and the Smug Elves' suffocatingly controlled society.

-the systemic implication that magic is really the unstable manipulation of uncontrolled nanites.

-the troubling prospect of being obliged to spend the next several millennia in a government-mandated data-entry job under the benevolent oppressive rule of the Elven Queen Jenny.

-the disturbing dystopia of an elven civilization that would think nothing of having your brain rewired to help you conform, for your own security.

-the religious epiphany that G.O.D., in spite of having seriously flawed programming, can occasionally be vitally useful in saving you from a lifetime of serving as a zoological study subject.

-the thematic moral that a "Safe Place" is not really where you want to spend your days if you like being an adventurer.

And with that, it appears to be "goodbye" to Arkhome, and "hello" to the Tangled Forest.  This after having said hello to Arkhome and goodbye to the Elven Rose Dome.  So we could add one more detail to our list: that the player characters have now discovered a clearly emerging pattern of them arriving at a new home-area, promptly making the place worse by their very presence, and then when it's really wrecked to epic proportions, getting the fuck out of dodge.


(May 7, 2014)


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