The Gnomish Gnazis Proven; Gnow...
My loyal proxies, and fellow noble warriors against the Gnomish menace. As you know, since I published the first edition of Gnomemurdered, on this very blog, and caught the attention of possibly no less than six BILLION people who played it since (which, if true, would make it the most successful RPG, and really the most successful game, period, in all of human history), I have become both a target for Gnomish assassination and a beacon for hope against the Gnomish terror.
Now, as Gnomemurdered 2e approaches publication, more and more people have been sending me proofs of different sorts as to the true terror of the menace that the intergnational Gnome represents. We already reported earlier this week that Nazi Gnomes have once more manifested in Germany, since nothing more has been heard about that in the news we can only assume that millions have died in the few days since.
One particularly brave proxy came forward in the comments to that post and revealed the true name of this terror: they are not "Nazi Gnomes"; in fact, the word "nazi" is not even a real word! Not in English, not even in German! The truth is that this menace is, was in world war II, and has ALWAYS secretly been the GNAZIS.
Yes, Gnazi is a Gnomish word. What it means is utterly uncertain, but its nature is beyond a shadow of the doubt Gnomish because of the silent "G", and thus is no doubt terrifyingly evil, beyond Bea Arthur's worst nightmares (god rest her zombie bones).
Now, shadowed whispers have come to me from other quarters, suggesting that in fact, Gnomes may have been entirely engineering our modern human history since at least the end of WWI. For not only are they now clearly and incontrovertibly responsible for the rise of the inferior human (well, German) "nazis", who were just a pale imitation of their GNazi overlords; but it has been suggested that the well-known menace of International Communism may in fact be the product of... Intergnational CommGNism!
If anyone has evidence of these alleged "CommuGnomes", please send them to me, your leader in the loyal resistance against the Gnomish threat!
RPGPundit
Currently Smoking: Meerschaum Masonic + Burlington's Lapis
(Originally posted October 18, 2009)