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Author Topic: A Classic Rant  (Read 555 times)


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A Classic Rant
« on: March 25, 2010, 10:07:18 PM »
Normally I post these to the Pundit's Forum, but in this case:

WoTC Uses 4e to Unleash Evil Once More

So, just when I thought WoTC couldn't make more clear their current trend toward serving to augment the forces of darkness in the world, they unleash a new hell upon us, one we thought was already finished, in the content of the PHB II.

I'm talking, of course, about Gnomes.

Longstanding readers will know about my general distrust of short people everywhere, but especially Gnomes, which are, after all, the original "short people" from where the taint of shortness came from.  Be they midgets, children, or the basques, all short people have at least a little bit of the dark essence of the Gnome inside them.

And for a long time now, they had infested the D&D game with their filth; at first indirectly via their slightly-less-evil cousins, Dwarves and Halflings, but pretty quickly their true nature was revealed, and by the 1e AD&D book, Gnomes had taken over the game; their cutesy-poo ways,  their wicked illusionist magic and, later, their faulty stupid technology, a dark blemish over the game, corrupting it, making it cuter and sillier. But only on the surface, of course; underneath all that cuteness and silliness lies a heart of pure explosive EVIL.

And for a little while there, there was one good thing I could say about 4e: that they'd taken a stand against the Gnomish conspiracy.  There were no Gnomes in the 4e PHB, for the first time since 1e, and this was a sign that perhaps the Gnomes' icy grip, in their hateful tiny little malformed stubby-fingered hands, on our beloved hobby was finally slackening.

What a fool I was! Of course, those evil little bastards have only been biding their time, waiting for the right moment to strike, and here they are again, like a plague of little locusts wearing pointy hats and silly beards.

Damn them! Damn their diminutive hides!

Don't let them fool you! They're the ones responsible for the Spellplague! Its their fault that 4e is full of crappy names like "the shadowfell".  They stole all the random tables as part of their three-part plan for profit!!

Warn the people! They must be stopped!


(March 26, 2009)
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