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Who's the Asshole of the Monster Manual?

Started by RPGPundit, December 27, 2015, 11:20:44 PM

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Starkus

#15
December 29, 2015, 06:54:56 PM
Beholders - they don't stop mad-dogging ya.
No matter where you go, there you are. -BB

Opaopajr

#16
December 30, 2015, 12:53:55 AM
Quote from: Christopher Brady;871072RACIST!  What, you think Dwarves, Elves and Halflings smell any better? (OK, Elves probably smell like flowers, I'll give ya that one) they often join the Humans with their lootin' 'n' pillagin' 'n' shit!

Yeah but demihumans often get back to hugging trees, digging for valuables, and being domestics. They tend to stay in their place. Adventuring is just something to do on those off-years to stave off the boredom.

Those humans get bored easily and live so short they can't help start pokin' around in every place. All over and under the land, chopping down trees to stabilize their slipshod mines to get second-rate valuables to wage slave domestics into serving ale and pipe-weed. And they breed like fleas, too! Big, burly fleas, who like to leave insitutions and laws all over the place. If you wrong one you'll have their mongrel great grandchildren bring an army to avenge just once you have began to cool down from the argument.

Assholes!
Just make your fuckin\' guy and roll the dice, you pricks. Focus on what\'s interesting, not what gives you the biggest randomly generated virtual penis.  -- J Arcane
 
You know, people keep comparing non-TSR D&D to deck-building in Magic: the Gathering. But maybe it\'s more like Katamari Damacy. You keep sticking shit on your characters until they are big enough to be a star.
-- talysman

Christopher Brady

#17
December 30, 2015, 04:57:08 AM
Quote from: Opaopajr;871135Yeah but demihumans often get back to hugging trees, digging for valuables, and being domestics. They tend to stay in their place. Adventuring is just something to do on those off-years to stave off the boredom.

Those humans get bored easily and live so short they can't help start pokin' around in every place. All over and under the land, chopping down trees to stabilize their slipshod mines to get second-rate valuables to wage slave domestics into serving ale and pipe-weed. And they breed like fleas, too! Big, burly fleas, who like to leave insitutions and laws all over the place. If you wrong one you'll have their mongrel great grandchildren bring an army to avenge just once you have began to cool down from the argument.

Assholes!

...

You make a compelling argument.

...

Zug zug.
"And now, my friends, a Dragon\'s toast!  To life\'s little blessings:  wars, plagues and all forms of evil.  Their presence keeps us alert --- and their absence makes us grateful." -T.A. Barron[/SIZE]

Xavier Onassiss

#18
December 31, 2015, 03:51:23 AM
Don't even get me started on GIBBERING MOUTHERS!

Willie the Duck

#19
December 31, 2015, 07:59:05 AM
Quote from: Xavier Onassiss;871338Don't even get me started on GIBBERING MOUTHERS!

Don't get the Gibbering Mouthers started on the Gibbering Mouthers.

RPGPundit

#20
January 06, 2016, 12:35:31 AM
Pshaw, all of you who said 'humans'. Ridiculous self-loathing.
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Opaopajr

#21
January 06, 2016, 01:19:10 AM
Quote from: RPGPundit;872189Pshaw, all of you who said 'humans'. Ridiculous self-loathing.

See? Arrogant. Think they are implicitly above the fray in that question and any analysis otherwise is seen as traitorous breaking of ranks. Assholes the lot of them.

(Trying to ignore their multi-page spread in the 2e MM and everything... Tsk, shameful.)

:p
Just make your fuckin\' guy and roll the dice, you pricks. Focus on what\'s interesting, not what gives you the biggest randomly generated virtual penis.  -- J Arcane
 
You know, people keep comparing non-TSR D&D to deck-building in Magic: the Gathering. But maybe it\'s more like Katamari Damacy. You keep sticking shit on your characters until they are big enough to be a star.
-- talysman

no one important

#22
January 07, 2016, 02:49:05 AM
MODRONS.

Lawful neutral, the ass-hattiest of the alignments?  Check.

Always refer to themselves with the royal "We?"  Check.

Trying way too hard to let you know they were "all into radial symmetry before it was cool?"  Check.

Tell me you don't honestly want to just haul off and punch that square in that smug grin.

Just Modrons.
Not as dumb as I look, sound, or best testing indicates.  Awful close, though.

Teazia

#23
January 07, 2016, 03:39:31 AM
Ogre Magi, neither a ogre nor a magi.  What are they?
Miniature Mashup with the Fungeon Master  (Not me, but great nonetheless)

RPGPundit

#24
January 08, 2016, 07:43:07 PM
Quote from: Nick Bower;872340MODRONS.

Lawful neutral, the ass-hattiest of the alignments?  Check.

Always refer to themselves with the royal "We?"  Check.

Trying way too hard to let you know they were "all into radial symmetry before it was cool?"  Check.

Tell me you don't honestly want to just haul off and punch that square in that smug grin.

Just Modrons.

We might have a winner.
LION & DRAGON: Medieval-Authentic OSR Roleplaying is available now! You only THINK you\'ve played \'medieval fantasy\' until you play L&D.


My Blog:  http://therpgpundit.blogspot.com/
The most famous uruguayan gaming blog on the planet!

NEW!
Check out my short OSR supplements series; The RPGPundit Presents!


Dark Albion: The Rose War! The OSR fantasy setting of the history that inspired Shakespeare and Martin alike.
Also available in Variant Cover form!
Also, now with the CULTS OF CHAOS cult-generation sourcebook

ARROWS OF INDRA
Arrows of Indra: The Old-School Epic Indian RPG!
NOW AVAILABLE: AoI in print form

LORDS OF OLYMPUS
The new Diceless RPG of multiversal power, adventure and intrigue, now available.

Old One Eye

#25
January 09, 2016, 11:30:15 AM
Harpies.  Before harpies, people could sing and frolic in their joviality.  After harpies, no singing ever, no longer a part of culture.  Harpies made DnD land a dull place to live.

kosmos1214

#26
January 10, 2016, 10:14:57 PM
Quote from: Simlasa;870881That'd make a fun reveal... when the party finally makes their way to the dragon's lair, only to find it long dead. Captive orc says, "Yeah, we killed that fucker years ago... really prissy shit trying to boss us around all the time. Killed it and then used some of its treasure to install this really nice permanent dragon illusion, to keep out the riff raff."

lol i need to do this some time and then the ork asks if they want a drink
sjw social just-us warriors

now for a few quotes from my fathers generation
"kill a commie for mommy"

"hey thee i walk through the valley of the shadow of death but i fear no evil because im the meanest son of a bitch in the valley"

RPGPundit

#27
January 12, 2016, 10:08:28 PM
Hill Giants are infamous drunks who always try to borrow money.
LION & DRAGON: Medieval-Authentic OSR Roleplaying is available now! You only THINK you\'ve played \'medieval fantasy\' until you play L&D.


My Blog:  http://therpgpundit.blogspot.com/
The most famous uruguayan gaming blog on the planet!

NEW!
Check out my short OSR supplements series; The RPGPundit Presents!


Dark Albion: The Rose War! The OSR fantasy setting of the history that inspired Shakespeare and Martin alike.
Also available in Variant Cover form!
Also, now with the CULTS OF CHAOS cult-generation sourcebook

ARROWS OF INDRA
Arrows of Indra: The Old-School Epic Indian RPG!
NOW AVAILABLE: AoI in print form

LORDS OF OLYMPUS
The new Diceless RPG of multiversal power, adventure and intrigue, now available.
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