Hello everyone,

So I used to start with Dungeons & Dragons 3rd edition, and then played Pathfinder 1st edition for a bit seeing as it was basically Dungeons & Dragons 3.75 edition. A few friends then sucked me into Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition (A simplified version of D&D 3E and Pathfinder 1E), and I started making homebrew for them and others for that system, which I shared on my Deviantart https://www.deviantart.com/nielspeterdejong and Discord https://discord.gg/mBmKcp6E3s

Now, I got back into Pathfinder 1st edition just recently due to some other friends, and I quite like how good the customization is and how much more realistic and tension filled it feels when compared to D&D 5E (not saying there is anything wrong with the latter, but former just feels like a more complete version). There were only a handfull of things that I feel could be improved, namely the "unchained" ninja, the catfolk (I made a variant for a friend), and the kitsune.

I made revisions of these, as well as a fanmade player race that my group always used to play in D&D 3rd edition, and which I translated to Pathfinder, named the minos. These are basically big friendly giants, and allows players to play as a "minotaur" that is less furry and without going overboard with their traits. Here are links to all the versions, and I hope that you guys will like them as well. They are playtested and in practice are well balanced based on feedback:

"Unchained" Ninja + Nokizaru Archetype
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1auY5Qi-SG0F_sEXiHr8mILhGvW5f3Y9l/view


Catfolk, Variant
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Hxn22W0P-C-RhqpuRO31TTRZgceJuhsI/view


Kitsune, Revised
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1hNls3jEfQG-6aq1QrIsRq80jcMfmUFnp/view


Minos
https://drive.google.com/file/d/15Sm3tUq2-EuogLZi8p1Hb9Yd9rNZhKgu/view

Honest thoughts.

So... random races for no specific setting?

Clearly you put in a lot of effort which I appreciate on its own merit. Your writeups require editing. You have unspecified rules claims (Which spells can a Nokizaru actually do without Somatic components? there are others but you get my drift) and you need to remove what they *can't* do vs. strictly stating what they can do.

It's a rookie mistake for 3e writers (trust me - was there, can confirm) but your editor (if you have one) would thank you. But if you're going to go to the next step in design - which from the looks of this, you're capable of on your own, put out clean copy and/or get an editor. You have all the basic style elements down, but you just need a little punch-up in the presentation of the rules. You're doing fine otherwise.

Personal things - I get it... I'm of an age. The whole anime-influence thing to me is way overdone. You know what would have been a kickass version of the Nokizaru? The *actual* Nokizaru who worked for Uesugi Kenshin and contextualized your classes based on the actual Sengoku period which is *sorely* missing from TTRPG's. A fantasy version of the Sengoku would be infinitely more interesting than rehashing anime-versions of the actual real players. The worse part is they do no service to the culture (which I addressed in the Japanese-effect thread).

But alas... I'm of an age. So my thoughts are - good style, fix presentation of rules (minor tweaks), I'd also suggest with the incoming implosion D&D (and PF is going nowhere) you might consider translating these to Savage Worlds Pathfinder. Might be very interesting to see under those rules (probably a LOT easier to do too). 3e+ flavors of D&D mistake playing the system for the actual game. People play it out of habit and familiarity more than play it out of mechanical rigor. Which is why you don't like 5e, and those that follow the brand wherever it goes - do play 5e. Consider your designs here under different banners - even D&D - try making OSR versions - or 1e/2e, and see how they stack up? Create an adventure for them to be used in. Create a mini-campaign to whet even the most jaded player/GM to want to use these.

Because let's face it - random races for PF1 is competition for eyeballs with a LOT of other things. But put those PF knowledge to Savage Worlds Pathfinder - and I guarantee you with a mini-adventure, there are people that would *pay* you for your efforts in your anime-inspired Sengoku game. Go for it and earn some cheddar for your creations.

Quote from: tenbones on November 15, 2022, 03:14:32 PM
Honest thoughts.

So... random races for no specific setting?

Clearly you put in a lot of effort which I appreciate on its own merit. Your writeups require editing. You have unspecified rules claims (Which spells can a Nokizaru actually do without Somatic components? there are others but you get my drift) and you need to remove what they *can't* do vs. strictly stating what they can do.

It's a rookie mistake for 3e writers (trust me - was there, can confirm) but your editor (if you have one) would thank you. But if you're going to go to the next step in design - which from the looks of this, you're capable of on your own, put out clean copy and/or get an editor. You have all the basic style elements down, but you just need a little punch-up in the presentation of the rules. You're doing fine otherwise.

Personal things - I get it... I'm of an age. The whole anime-influence thing to me is way overdone. You know what would have been a kickass version of the Nokizaru? The *actual* Nokizaru who worked for Uesugi Kenshin and contextualized your classes based on the actual Sengoku period which is *sorely* missing from TTRPG's. A fantasy version of the Sengoku would be infinitely more interesting than rehashing anime-versions of the actual real players. The worse part is they do no service to the culture (which I addressed in the Japanese-effect thread).

But alas... I'm of an age. So my thoughts are - good style, fix presentation of rules (minor tweaks), I'd also suggest with the incoming implosion D&D (and PF is going nowhere) you might consider translating these to Savage Worlds Pathfinder. Might be very interesting to see under those rules (probably a LOT easier to do too). 3e+ flavors of D&D mistake playing the system for the actual game. People play it out of habit and familiarity more than play it out of mechanical rigor. Which is why you don't like 5e, and those that follow the brand wherever it goes - do play 5e. Consider your designs here under different banners - even D&D - try making OSR versions - or 1e/2e, and see how they stack up? Create an adventure for them to be used in. Create a mini-campaign to whet even the most jaded player/GM to want to use these.

Because let's face it - random races for PF1 is competition for eyeballs with a LOT of other things. But put those PF knowledge to Savage Worlds Pathfinder - and I guarantee you with a mini-adventure, there are people that would *pay* you for your efforts in your anime-inspired Sengoku game. Go for it and earn some cheddar for your creations.

Good evening,

I appreciate your feedback! Though I'm a bit confused. What I described for the somatic spell components was merely a copy of the description that the Eldritch Scoundrel has for its Armor Proficiencies feature, which is copied from Paizo themselves: https://www.d20pfsrd.com/classes/core-classes/rogue/archetypes/paizo-rogue-archetypes/eldritch-scoundrel-rogue/ The Nokizaru is an altered Eldritch Scoundrel after all. The Nokizaru in popular culture are known for their many tricks while wearing light armor, so they were a perfect candidate for a Eldritch Scoundrel candidate.

As for the Kitsune and Catfolk, they are existing races, but I merely made revisions for them. The minos themselves are a whole new race, for those who want to play a "Big Boi/Gal" kind of race. And what exactly did you mean with Savage World Pathfinder? Is that a variant on the Savage World setting?

And don't worry, I appreciate any and all feedback  

/r/unearthedarcana is a thing for furries and catgirls.

I'm not that much of a furry, hence why I added in a non-furry option for the Kitsune here Jokes aside, I feel reddit is becoming a tad too "woke" these days.

Quote from: nielspeterdejong on November 15, 2022, 04:07:59 PM
I'm not that much of a furry, hence why I added in a non-furry option for the Kitsune here Jokes aside, I feel reddit is becoming a tad too "woke" these days.

They'd devour this and give you solid feedback for it regardless. That part of Reddit safely in the middle.

Well it is better than /r/DnD at the very least, that place used to be cool...

Also, what I posted here is Pathfinder 1st edition stuff, not D&D 5E. Unearthed is only for 5E stuff.

Quote from: nielspeterdejong on November 15, 2022, 03:40:53 PM
As for the Kitsune and Catfolk, they are existing races, but I merely made revisions for them. The minos themselves are a whole new race, for those who want to play a "Big Boi/Gal" kind of race. And what exactly did you mean with Savage World Pathfinder? Is that a variant on the Savage World setting?

Savage Worlds (SW) is an RPG system unrelated to D&D that first came out in 2003. There was a recent release of an adaptation of the SW rules to the Pathfinder setting. Here's the link:

https://peginc.com/store/pathfinder-for-savage-worlds-core-rules/

Regarding text errors, I'm not going to go through the whole, but in the first paragraph on minos it says "Many minos are weary of strangers, ..." when I think you mean to say "wary of strangers" (i.e. distrustful).

The Japanese and specifically anime influence also isn't my cup of tea, but good luck in promoting it.

I, on the other hand LOVE the Japanese AND the Manga/Anime influences, these look fine to convert to a system more of my liking than 3e, 3.5e, PF... Meaning more OSR.

You can use all of these in Pathfinder and 3E/3.5, I also added in that if you are playing a Minos you get a +1 level adjustment. The Kitsune and Catfolk are fine without level adjustment though

Quote from: jhkim on November 15, 2022, 04:45:58 PM

Quote from: nielspeterdejong on November 15, 2022, 03:40:53 PM
As for the Kitsune and Catfolk, they are existing races, but I merely made revisions for them. The minos themselves are a whole new race, for those who want to play a "Big Boi/Gal" kind of race. And what exactly did you mean with Savage World Pathfinder? Is that a variant on the Savage World setting?

Savage Worlds (SW) is an RPG system unrelated to D&D that first came out in 2003. There was a recent release of an adaptation of the SW rules to the Pathfinder setting. Here's the link:

https://peginc.com/store/pathfinder-for-savage-worlds-core-rules/

Regarding text errors, I'm not going to go through the whole, but in the first paragraph on minos it says "Many minos are weary of strangers, ..." when I think you mean to say "wary of strangers" (i.e. distrustful).

The Japanese and specifically anime influence also isn't my cup of tea, but good luck in promoting it.

Thanks for spotting that! I will change it to wary

Quote from: GeekyBugle on November 15, 2022, 05:15:59 PM
I, on the other hand LOVE the Japanese AND the Manga/Anime influences, these look fine to convert to a system more of my liking than 3e, 3.5e, PF... Meaning more OSR.

But yeah, you should easily be able to translate these to other systems as well, as I noticed many of them have a lot of similarities.

Cool stuff, but I believe this belongs over in: Design, Development, & Gameplay

Oh? Well I will post it there as well then. Thanks for the heads up!

Quote from: jhkim on November 15, 2022, 04:45:58 PM

Quote from: nielspeterdejong on November 15, 2022, 03:40:53 PM
As for the Kitsune and Catfolk, they are existing races, but I merely made revisions for them. The minos themselves are a whole new race, for those who want to play a "Big Boi/Gal" kind of race. And what exactly did you mean with Savage World Pathfinder? Is that a variant on the Savage World setting?

Savage Worlds (SW) is an RPG system unrelated to D&D that first came out in 2003. There was a recent release of an adaptation of the SW rules to the Pathfinder setting. Here's the link:

https://peginc.com/store/pathfinder-for-savage-worlds-core-rules/

Regarding text errors, I'm not going to go through the whole, but in the first paragraph on minos it says "Many minos are weary of strangers, ..." when I think you mean to say "wary of strangers" (i.e. distrustful).

The Japanese and specifically anime influence also isn't my cup of tea, but good luck in promoting it.

Btw, how popular is Savage Worlds? Do many groups play it? I honestly hadn't heard about it until now.