My first post here, but I couldn't resist jumping on this one...  Not a shock story, but proof that it's worth talking to people about stuff like this;

Long story short, I live and game with someone in a place that could be cleaner than it is (I rent a room in the appartment they also live in).  However, as it's the domicile devoid of non-gamers among our group and 3 of us live here, it's also not a bad place to host games from several points of view.  We tend to fall into the "Cleaning Blitz then laziness" pattern, so while the appartment is generally alright, sometimes it gets pretty dire until we work up the enthusiasm to sort it out.  
Unfortunately, a few months back, one of our group complained that he thought the place was starting to make him ill (He has a very weak immune system).  Shortly after this, my Landlord does the honourable thing and hires a cleaner, who did really improve the state of the place.  Unfortunately, she quit about a month later, without giving us any reason.   Still, a sincere complaint about an issue led to action being taken quickly, and it got somewhere.  We've got a new person starting the cleaning starting next week, too, so happy endings all round.

Oh trust me, I'd LOVE to have him roll vs MerryMaids.

Quote from: RedFoxFrankly this thread is just you trying to either get people to work you up enough to where you have the courage to do #1, give you some sort of "easy way out" that simply doesn't exist (ala the weasely "I'm allergic" idea), or run through enough options you don't intend to follow through with anyway until you wind up at #2 but you just had to whine about it to feel like you tried something.

I'm not trying to be mean about that, either.  I've been here before in a way, though thankfully it didn't involve filth and horror.  I'm just pointing it out.

Saying that you're not trying to be mean while actually having said something that is, is deliberately offensive.

I'm not trying to get anyone to do anything for me- I'm a very socially awkward person in RealLife, and asking for advice about an issue that I know other people have dealt with in a forum where I don't have that awkwardness (except in sentence structure, apparently) isn't whining either.

As for the issue itself, since I can't do it face to face with him without stammering, I've decided to write it out in brief why it is that I can't continue gaming with him and I'll just suck up the repercussions as he slams me to everyone we have mutual contact with.

Quote from: ciadoSaying that you're not trying to be mean while actually having said something that is, is deliberately offensive.

Umm, no.  It's a clarification.  If I were trying to deliberately offend you, I wouldn't be all backhanded about it.  I'd just out-and-out offend you.

This is a text message, so I like to clarify my intent because it's difficult to pick up the way something is intentioned.

Quote from: ciadoI'm not trying to get anyone to do anything for me- I'm a very socially awkward person in RealLife, and asking for advice about an issue that I know other people have dealt with in a forum where I don't have that awkwardness (except in sentence structure, apparently) isn't whining either.

Well, the thing is that there's just not much we can advise you to do other than what I mentioned above.  You were already aware of those alternatives.

I apologize though, since "whining" was definitely a strong turn of phrase.

Again, I've been here before.  I know the frustration.  I'm not trying to slam on you.  It's just a hard truth that you have to either deal with the situation or accept it.  There's no easy out.

Quote from: ciadoAs for the issue itself, since I can't do it face to face with him without stammering, I've decided to write it out in brief why it is that I can't continue gaming with him and I'll just suck up the repercussions as he slams me to everyone we have mutual contact with.

If you have problems telling him straight-out, have you tried practicing before a mirror or with someone else first?  It may help.

Because honestly, giving the guy something in writing makes it seem of far more importance than you may be attaching to it.  And the bigger a deal you make it seem, then the more offended (and defensive) he'll be about it.

The easiest way to save someone's face is to play down the issue.