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Could a generous soul read the first three chapters of my RPG and give feedback?

Started by Monster Manuel, November 17, 2015, 10:36:55 AM

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Opaopajr

Anytime! This place exemplifies the vice and virtue of free speech. We can act like assholes, but we'll also offer better quality criticism with less fawning. I find that more valuable.
Just make your fuckin\' guy and roll the dice, you pricks. Focus on what\'s interesting, not what gives you the biggest randomly generated virtual penis.  -- J Arcane
 
You know, people keep comparing non-TSR D&D to deck-building in Magic: the Gathering. But maybe it\'s more like Katamari Damacy. You keep sticking shit on your characters until they are big enough to be a star.
-- talysman

Ravenswing

Quote from: Opaopajr;864983Anytime! This place exemplifies the vice and virtue of free speech. We can act like assholes, but we'll also offer better quality criticism with less fawning. I find that more valuable.
Yep.  I recently ditched an otherwise-promising site when the owner PMed me because he felt some of my reviews were too negative.  My answer was along the lines of "If all you're looking for here is to be told how great and wonderful all your submissions are, why not cut out the pesky humans with minds of their own and put in a Random Mindless Praise Generator?"
This was a cool site, until it became an echo chamber for whiners screeching about how the "Evul SJWs are TAKING OVAH!!!" every time any RPG book included a non-"traditional" NPC or concept, or their MAGA peeners got in a twist. You're in luck, drama queens: the Taliban is hiring.

Monster Manuel

I put up a new introduction for now, and it's only a page and a half. Though it doesn't get to the game mechanical meat, it does get to the point without all the digression. It's basically a few preliminary notes, and 7 points about what sets the game apart, with one paragraph each.
Proud Graduate of Parallel University.

The Mosaic Oracle is on sale now. It\'s a raw, open-sourced game design Toolk/Kit based on Lurianic Kabbalah and Lambda Calculus that uses English key words to build statements. If you can tell stories, you can make it work. It fits on one page. Wait for future games if you want something basic; an implementation called Wonders and Worldlings is coming soon.

ZWEIHÄNDER

Quote from: Monster Manuel;865069I put up a new introduction for now, and it's only a page and a half. Though it doesn't get to the game mechanical meat, it does get to the point without all the digression. It's basically a few preliminary notes, and 7 points about what sets the game apart, with one paragraph each.

This is a vast improvement over the previous version. It's concise, explains what the system is and maintains the author's voice throughout the introduction.
No thanks.

Monster Manuel

Quote from: ZWEIHÄNDER;865071This is a vast improvement over the previous version. It's concise, explains what the system is and maintains the author's voice throughout the introduction.

Thank you. Now I'm trying to simplify the game itself.
Proud Graduate of Parallel University.

The Mosaic Oracle is on sale now. It\'s a raw, open-sourced game design Toolk/Kit based on Lurianic Kabbalah and Lambda Calculus that uses English key words to build statements. If you can tell stories, you can make it work. It fits on one page. Wait for future games if you want something basic; an implementation called Wonders and Worldlings is coming soon.

Monster Manuel

Thanks to a poster on RPGNet, I had a breakthrough. I added this to the introduction:

Quote1. Tribute is not an RPG. It's a toolkit for making RPGs.

Similar to systems like Fudge, Tribute can only be played in its most raw form by experienced people. Instead, it is intended that you build a game from the Rules Elements that Tribute provides, and even paraphrase their rules for your own version. Under the hood, though, the system should be balanced, regardless of what you try to accomplish with your game. Though the text refers to Tribute as an RPG, try to keep this in mind as you read.

(Thank you to Bruno Carvalho de Paula for making it clear that I needed to get this across.)

I always intended that people would build their own versions of Tribute for a specific campaign, and I thought I got it across in the text, but I guess I need to make it clear up front. I guess I figured that since I could run it as is, other people might want to do that too. I was focusing too much on the level of the system as I would be engaging it; the base code.
Proud Graduate of Parallel University.

The Mosaic Oracle is on sale now. It\'s a raw, open-sourced game design Toolk/Kit based on Lurianic Kabbalah and Lambda Calculus that uses English key words to build statements. If you can tell stories, you can make it work. It fits on one page. Wait for future games if you want something basic; an implementation called Wonders and Worldlings is coming soon.

Monster Manuel

I've redone chapter 1 to the point I had it before. It's better organized, and hopefully explained more effectively now.

There are two new sections I want to add, but for now, it should give the right idea about the game. I won't bump this again unless there's a conversation. Thanks everyone.
Proud Graduate of Parallel University.

The Mosaic Oracle is on sale now. It\'s a raw, open-sourced game design Toolk/Kit based on Lurianic Kabbalah and Lambda Calculus that uses English key words to build statements. If you can tell stories, you can make it work. It fits on one page. Wait for future games if you want something basic; an implementation called Wonders and Worldlings is coming soon.