I recently come to the conclusion that I have no idea what other people are doing with Dungeons & Dragons anymore. Now I want to point out before we start pointing fingers here that I'm not some reactionary: I did previously know what people were doing with dungeons and dragons (mediocre bullshit) and it brought me no joy. So initially this wasn't a cause for panic. But we've wandered into some strange territory here folks.
Behold the new alignment chart, earnestly proposed by D&D 5e players on that bastion of high-level thought, Twitter:
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What is happening at your table? Like whenever you crack open the player's handbook and the GM is pitching you the game world and your role as a character what you're going to be doing like what the fuck are they saying? Are they referring to Dragonborn as "scaly bois"? Like is there no line between you just sitting in a room and eating snacks with your friends and what's happening in the game's universe at all?
What gets under my skin about this chart is that I saw in a post where someone was hell-bent on implementing it in their game in lieu of the alignment system. Hell. Bent. To me it paints a picture of a game where all the characters are pure comedic id-impulse caricatures. Paladins pledging themselves to Doritos and such like.
The very notion of something being "good" or "evil" and that compelling action from them is alien to these people. Objectionable, even.
Granted, I do think the Temple of Elemental Horniness might be pretty funny. You could have it built by the Cult of the Incels.
I don't know if I prefer turgid, uninteresting mayonnaise fantasy over the current Adventure Time-y, lolrandom tumblr humor. Really, i'm just frustrated that this is what people do with this game. If you possessed the capacity for abstract thought, I would tell you to be ashamed of yourselves. As it stands, when I encounter you, I will simply swat you with a rolled-up newspaper.
...
I posted this to invite a few different avenues of discussions:
1) An explanation. Your group plays this way and you're the sharing, caring, care-bears type of person who wants to gush about it. Motherfucker, feel free. It's a train wreck to to me but god dammed if I don't want to slow down and soak it in while I drive by
2) "Those people suck because-" or the "Pundit's Choice awards" as I think of them. Share your baffling gems of experience with this new, even stupider wave of gamers.
3) More ideas rivaling "Elemental Temple of Horniness": I'm talking about fucking Sadboi demons and Paladin subclasses based on being Stressed with caffeine-based magic here. There is gold in this chart and we'll mine it yet.
4) Yeah you can stow the whole "You shouldn't judge how other people enjoy the gaaaaaaame" I've fucking heard it, ok? I'm being rude on purpose you assclown.