http://sports.yahoo.com/news/game-lets-players-adjust-conan-174537364.html;_ylt=A86.J74.UpFYdFAADzAnnIlQ;_ylu=X3oDMTEya281OWFjBGNvbG8DZ3ExBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDQjI2MTdfMQRzZWMDc2M-

QuoteAn upcoming RPG-style video game titled Conan Exiles allows players the luxury of making their warrior avatar an even bigger barbarian.

As spotted by PC Gamer, the open world survival game has an adjustment slider for Conan's, uh, dagger.

Letting players customize their avatars in a character-creation menu is pretty routine in gaming. But this is apparently the first time any major title has made the size of character sex organs adjustable. If a player selects a female character to play instead, they can adjust the size of her breasts. Gamers can also choose how much nudity is shown overall.

What follows is NSFW so if you have aversion to animated Conan the Barbarian dongs, you might want to stop reading now (we're betting none of you will).

Just think, if City of Heroes had had this, it might have saved the game.

JG

Yeah there was some consternation when they applied shadow  diapers to the toons on Age of Conan. I didn't think they would let the full frontal back in and risk that whole debate again.

I'm old school, I'm good with just boobs but I guess we have to be inclusive.

I guess my first crafting mission will be a minimum loin clothe, I don't need to see porn star freak dong bouncing around my screen for hours.

What, no Labia adjuster?  What do they have against roast beef?  Oh, the misogyny.

I want to know what's behind the code. AKA, are there programmers fucking with players who give their PCs big dicks? Bonus drops for small dicks?

Also, how big are we talking about? Cocktail sausage to giant squash?

With multiplayer, will people be running around bumping their schlongs into stuff?

...and WTFBBQ were these nimrods thinking???

Finally.

Well, I guess that's one way to put your game in the news.

Other than a game set in the Hyborian Age with customizable avatar nudity, what is Conan: Exiles exactly? I've seen a screenshot that looks Elder Scrolls-ish.

It's an open world survival game. You start naked and have to find food, shelter, raw materials to make tools, weapons, etc.  Eventually you make strongholds with other players and fight with other strongholds.  Typical multi-player PvP-Minecraft crap, there's a ton of these things on Steam.

Not Elder Scrolls at all.  Not even really Conan unless off in some badlands, people are cutting out the hearts of their enemies and sacrificing to Mitra to summon a 100ft tall Bronze Golem Avatar to crush their enemies, but I must have missed that story.

So someone had a game having to do nothing with Conan, Funcom has the license with no games to slap it on, and VIOLA!

Maybe if you picture it as a Post-Apocalyptic Hyborian Age after the Stars Come Right or something it makes sense.

First we had naked tits in published titles, now cocks, next will be pussies and bungholes, then will come the actual fucking, they are all small but necessary steps that will allow us to die, emaciated, dehydrated and starved, jacked into our Simsense Porn Rig.

Quote from: CRKrueger;943584First we had naked tits in published titles, now cocks, next will be pussies and bungholes, then will come the actual fucking, they are all small but necessary steps that will allow us to die, emaciated, dehydrated and starved, jacked into our Simsense Porn Rig.

You think VR is a plot to cull the amount of MMORPGamers:D?

Quote from: Spinachcat;943568I want to know what's behind the code. AKA, are there programmers fucking with players who give their PCs big dicks? Bonus drops for small dicks?

Also, how big are we talking about? Cocktail sausage to giant squash?

With multiplayer, will people be running around bumping their schlongs into stuff?

...and WTFBBQ were these nimrods thinking???

Follow the link in the OP... As expected, horses are envious of the member you can give your toon in Conan Exiles.

My question, is why do they need a "slider"  for this attribute? What self respecting Conan fan is going to give their toon anything but the very best? Seems pointless to have a slider that goes to negative values.

From playing Age of Conan though, giving your toon 38 GGG breasts did not seem to improve loot drops so I'm going to guess this is just for marketing.

And doubtless, there will be "role players" in the game trying to figure out how to bump their uglies into anything and everything. AoC came with a set of emoticons to assist in your "role playing" needs.

Quote from: CRKrueger;943581It's an open world survival game. You start naked and have to find food, shelter, raw materials to make tools, weapons, etc.  Eventually you make strongholds with other players and fight with other strongholds.  Typical multi-player PvP-Minecraft crap, there's a ton of these things on Steam.

Not Elder Scrolls at all.  Not even really Conan unless off in some badlands, people are cutting out the hearts of their enemies and sacrificing to Mitra to summon a 100ft tall Bronze Golem Avatar to crush their enemies, but I must have missed that story.

So someone had a game having to do nothing with Conan, Funcom has the license with no games to slap it on, and VIOLA!

Maybe if you picture it as a Post-Apocalyptic Hyborian Age after the Stars Come Right or something it makes sense.

From the trailers I have seen, Conan cuts you down from the cross you are crucified on and sets you free. He then walks away and thus they have worked Conan into the game. Everything I have seen seems to be based on Stygia geographically.

But without any story or interaction with NPCs based in Howard's stories it does seem rather devoid of many "Conan" attributes.

I will probably still play it a bit to see though. I have been wanting to try one of the survival games out and one based even that loosely on Hyboria is as good an idea to try out as most.

I watched some footage and it is just another janky survival game with a half-assed 'Conan' reskin.

Quote from: Voros;943645I watched some footage and it is just another janky survival game with a half-assed 'Conan' reskin.

Yep. Exactly.

Oh for fuck's sakes.

What?  No checkbox for natural vs. circumcised?