The power went out unexpectedly tonight (hell, does it ever go off expectedly?) and so I headed down to the local cinema to pass the time until it came back on. Star Wars: The Clone Wars was due to start just as I got there, so I plunked down my money, found a seat, and mentally prepared myself.
The critics have had fun lambasting The Clone Wars, literally begging Lucas not to make another film. (Which is interesting, because Lucas didn't write it. I'm not sure if being considered as bad a hack as Lucas is a compliment or a put down.) The Clone Wars is not that bad. It's not fantastic, but it's not the worst thing ever projected onto the big screen. If you temper your expectations - The Clone Wars is Star Wars made into a children's television series - it's not too terrible, especially considering that the "movie" is really just the first few episodes of a new series.
And all new series have to find their footing. Let's hope The Clone Wars does.
Now, I don't want you thinking that I enjoyed this movie. It would be more accurate to say that, surprisingly, I didn't completely hate it and retch violently upon exiting the theater. It has, in fact, all the hallmarks of the new Star Wars: insipid plots so full of holes you could drain spaghetti with them, dialog that is leaden and dead enough to come with it's own casket, pale stabs at "humor," and, yes, even dreadful accents that would make a KKK member blush (The Clone Wars features a Scottish blue rhino and a bad guy who sounds as if his lines should be accompanied with animation of him in a do-rag, eating fried chicken and drinking Kool Aid).
On the other hand, bits of the animation are pretty awesome and there are lightsaber battles!
Is it something you should see in the theater? Lucas thinks so. Personally, before deciding to see it in the theater or catch it on DVD, I'd ask yourself this slightly rhetorical question: Is your power on?
Seanchai
Thanks for the notes, Seanchai.
Man. Talk about milking a franchise for all it's worth. And I'm saying this as someone who didn't think the prequels were too horrible.
It's almost sad, at this point. But I guess anything is worth what it's purchaser will pay for it.
I loath Star Wars, but I love my 7 year old son, so I'll be seeing it in the theater. My only hope is that their power will go out.
Or you could have, you know, gone to a better movie. I highly recommend Tropic Thunder, which gave me great fits of laughter when I saw it yesterday.
My kids came at me this weekend, all excited about Clone Wars. "Dad!" they exclaimed, "Annakin has a padawan!"
"What's this shit?" I replied calmly. "The fucker's evil. He turns into Darth-fucking-Vader for crying out loud. Saddling him with a padawan is supposed to be a good idea?"
My daughter interjected, "Annakin's not evil! He's cute when he's just a little guy!"
"Fuck that," I explained. "He's evil from the get-go. Never had a chance against that hack writer Lucas."
"What?" the children cried in chorus.
"You heard me," I replied. "The writer of Star Wars is a fucking hack. The only good script that came out of him was co-written by the guy who wrote The Rockford Files -- fucking good show that was. Lucas can't write himself out of a paper bag. But apparently he can doom every decent character he's ever come up with with either a stupid name or a criminal history (for which they're summarily pardoned when the plot runs thin)."
Wails of despair followed from the children.
"Shut up and get me a beer," I consoled them.
!i!
Saw it last night. It wasn't awful. In fact, I find my sentiments running fairly in line with Seanchai. My first reaction upon seeing it was "Huh. Someone wrote fan-fic and they made it into a movie." Still entertaining, and the fight scenes were pretty frickin' sweet.
Also, the best acting you'll ever get out of Anakin Skywalker. Not that the bar has been set particularly high, mind you...
I just think we've had enough of the Clone Wars.
Even if you do like Star Wars or the prequels or whatever, why are we still bothering?
In the story as is, the whole thing was orchestrated, so it's infinitely difficult to even care about it.
That having been said, I'll probably download it at some point. No point in spending money, but I'm always open to seeing a sci-fi yarn (even a mediocre one).
Quote from: Ian Absentia;236405My kids came at me this weekend, all excited about Clone Wars. "Dad!" they exclaimed, "Annakin has a padawan!"
"What's this shit?" I replied calmly. "The fucker's evil. He turns into Darth-fucking-Vader for crying out loud. Saddling him with a padawan is supposed to be a good idea?"
My daughter interjected, "Annakin's not evil! He's cute when he's just a little guy!"
"Fuck that," I explained. "He's evil from the get-go. Never had a chance against that hack writer Lucas."
"What?" the children cried in chorus.
"You heard me," I replied. "The writer of Star Wars is a fucking hack. The only good script that came out of him was co-written by the guy who wrote The Rockford Files -- fucking good show that was. Lucas can't write himself out of a paper bag. But apparently he can doom every decent character he's ever come up with with either a stupid name or a criminal history (for which they're summarily pardoned when the plot runs thin)."
Wails of despair followed from the children.
"Shut up and get me a beer," I consoled them.
!i!
Dad, is that you?
Search your feelings, you know it to be true!
!i!
I liked that Eric Cartman grew up to be a transvestite Hutt.
Quote from: Ian Absentia;236434Search your feelings, you know it to be true!
!i!
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!
Quote from: Drew;236436I liked that Eric Cartman grew up to be a transvestite Hutt.
There is just so much about that character that is bad...
Seanchai
Quote from: jgants;236388Or you could have, you know, gone to a better movie.
Since I had to work and I wasn't planning on seeing a movie, I just picked whatever was starting when I got to the theater.
Besides, they get me with hope.
When I saw the first crappy new Star Wars movie, I thought it was going to be awesome. It was not.
When the second crappy new Star Wars movie came out, I couldn't help myself: intellectually, I knew it was going to be bad, but a part of me - the child who watched a New Hope, wide-eyed in a theater and was literally ecstatic when he got a Landspeeder for his birthday - genuinely held out hope that it was going to be good.
It was not.
When the third crappy new Star Wars movie came out, I knew that it was going to be bad, but, again, the six-year-old in me simply refused to believe it and marched into the theater, expecting Lucas to bring teh awesome.
He did not.
Rather the opposite. Lord, sweet baby Jesus, it was not awesome.
And so when I heard that The Clone Wars was starting at 9:00 p.m. - it was about 8:55 p.m. when I got to the theater - I couldn't help myself: I hoped. Hoping about Star Wars movies these days is every bit as mature and rational as pooping your pants, but I couldn't help it - when I had the opportunity to see The Clone Wars, I hoped my pants big time.
And it turned out okay-ish. I like The Clone Wars better than 95% of the crappy new Star Wars movies. It's just not really a good movie. I was bored and squirmy throughout much of it.
Seanchai
Star Wars has be come the Koch snowflake of sci-fi. Mark my words, in twenty years we'll be seeing entire movies set between lines of Clone Wars dialogue.
I figure we're only about 10 years out from the first remake of A New Hope.
Quote from: Aos;236509I figure we're only about 10 years out from the first remake of A New Hope.
I have an awful feeling you're right.
It's so depressing, because the universe is so cool. It's that lame pandering to marketing that made them fit this story in between the existing movies. Why not something in between the two trilogies, when the narrative is much more open? Everybody and his dog hates Anakin, so why do we have to keep featuring him?
As I've said somewhere before, the more and more this goes along, the more apt we ( being the nerdboy fandom jiggling with impotent rage "we," that is) are going to thank Lucas for his idea and politely put him in a old-folks' home where he can spin his tales in relative obscurity while we skip merrily off with his ideas/stuff into the sunset.
Dude just doesn't know when to shut the hell up, or pass the torch along, does he?
Paul Verhoeven was considered to direct Return. He should have done the prequels working from a Joe Eszterhas script.
Regards,
David R
Quote from: Danger;236520nerdboy fandom jiggling with impotent rage
Nice imagery there.
Quote from: David R;236521Paul Verhoeven was considered to direct Return. He should have done the prequels working from a Joe Eszterhas script.
Regards,
David R
Oh Jeez!!
Just imagine the mega-violence, blood spattering scenes...and oh yeah Elizabeth Berkeley in that slavegirl outfit doing a lapdance for Han Solo.
- Ed C.
Quote from: Koltar;236530..and oh yeah Elizabeth Berkeley in that slavegirl outfit doing a lapdance for Han Solo.
- Ed C.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Faithful_Geyser
Quote from: Aos;236509I figure we're only about 10 years out from the first remake of A New Hope.
...and they'll replace Han Solo with a friendly talking Wookie that looks like a Muppet to make it more child friendly. Or if Lucas is dead, maybe we'll get the hard R-rated Verhoeven version that does to Star Wars what they did to Battlestar Galactica.
I sure hope Lucas has a good plan for what to do with all the money. I almost forgive Bill Gates for being such a shark in the computer world, for what he's been doing in retirement.
Quote from: Koltar;236530Oh Jeez!!
Just imagine the mega-violence, blood spattering scenes...and oh yeah Elizabeth Berkeley in that slavegirl outfit doing a lapdance for Han Solo.
Anakin : Master Kenobi, you fucked Padme.
Obi-Wan : From a certain point of view.
Anakin : A certain point of view?
Obi- Wan : Look, it was late, I was high on deathsticks and only saw the top of her head. How the fuck could I know it was her....
Later that day.
Senator Palpatine : What's the matter Anakin ?
Anakin : Obi -Wan is fucking Padme.
Senator Palpatine: Oh dear me.
Anakin : I gotta step up my game.
Senator Palpatine : The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural
Anakin : Unnatural..like rimming?
Cut to a closeup of Padme's face (in the background Chris Isaak's
Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing is playing)
Regards,
David R
I saw Mongols the other night. That was pretty awesome. Temujin kept getting captured and enslaved and escaping and when imprisoned in an open air cage for a year in the rain he just put up with it and plotted his escape, he was like a PC.
(http://videodetective.com/photos/1231/05173614_.jpg)
Quote from: Kyle Aaron;236554I saw Mongols the other night. That was pretty awesome. Temujin kept getting captured and enslaved and escaping and when imprisoned in an open air cage for a year in the rain he just put up with it and plotted his escape, he was like a PC.
I have to see this movie.
Quote from: Seanchai;236197It has, in fact, all the hallmarks of the new Star Wars: insipid plots so full of holes you could drain spaghetti with them, dialog that is leaden and dead enough to come with it's own casket, pale stabs at "humor,"
Exactly my feelings toward the new trilogy of Star Wars. I watched the first film at the theater, and thought "what the fuck is this shit?". I felt the second film was going to suck, but watched it nonetheless, and it sucked. I haven't watched the third film yet, I've got better things to do, like staring at a wall.
Could it be that I liked the original trilogy due to nostalgia? I don't think so, when I watch the original trilogy as an adult, I keep thinking how wonderful those films were. Only to hear Darth Vader's line it's worth it.
If I were you, I would have stayed at home, even without power.
I saw CLONE WARS for free at a sneak preview , with my friend Katrina sitting on my left side, and Lady C sitting on my right side.
As a result, I was in a sort of awkward good mood frame of mind when I saw it.
- Ed C.
At this rate, I bet you lose your virginity pretty soon.
Quote from: Aos;237195At this rate, I bet you lose your virginity pretty soon.
Aos - go piss off.
Thats at least 2 threads now where you're acting like an asshole.
- Ed C.
Not acting.
Ed, man, I think you are a really nice guy, but sometimes you bring this things upon yourself. Most probably unwillingly, but there you are.
Aos - you made me laugh. :D
Re: Clone Wars. Fuck George Lucas, I'm not going to watch that crap.
Quote from: walkerp;236515Why not something in between the two trilogies, when the narrative is much more open?
Better yet, if you have an excellent science fiction story to tell, why not tell it in some other universe entirely? Instead of revisiting Star Wars, why not invent an all-new franchise? But that's not how it works, I fear.
Quote from: Imperator;237271Ed, man, I think you are a really nice guy, but sometimes you bring this things upon yourself. Most probably unwillingly, but there you are.
And here's a helpful hint - when a person brings up being around chicks in every single post, no matter how relevant it is or isn't, it starts to look kind of pathetic and makes people start to question the veracity of the statements (and speculate on reasons one might make false statements to that effect); or at the very least, it gets annoying like hearing a dumb catchphrase over and over again. Mix it up a little. It's not necessary to point out women are around you every time you make a statement.
As for me, I'm a little let down. I'm only being an asshole in two threads? My game is slipping, yo.
Quote from: Koltar;237199Aos - go piss off.
Thats at least 2 threads now where you're acting like an asshole.
C'mon. It was funny and you can't go around talking about your lady friends without drawing some fire.
Seanchai
Quote from: Claudius;237190If I were you, I would have stayed at home, even without power.
I had to see it sometime. Hope made that a necessity.
I hear the Clone Wars stuff already out on DVD is good. Is that so?
Seanchai
Quote from: Aos;237195At this rate, I bet you lose your virginity pretty soon.
ZING!
Sad, but almost certainly true.
Except for the happening pretty soon part.
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/sillies.php?d=20080814
Yes. I am that sucker. I desperately want the next Star Wars movie to not suck ass. It will.
Quote from: Callous;238313http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/sillies.php?d=20080814
Yes. I am that sucker. I desperately want the next Star Wars movie to not suck ass. It will.
It will mightily.
I saw it! Took the kids.
I couldn't figure out which one was the racial stereotype. There was a really lispy Hutt in there, but I didn't see him as any particular race. He kinda reminded me of an effeminate Boss Hogg.
I don't obsess about Star Wars, so I took it for what it was. The fight scenes were cool. It was an enjoyable cartoon, about on par with Justice League Unlimited. If they made a sequel, or put it on Cartoon Network I'd watch it over Naruto, any day.
Quote from: Abyssal Maw;238625I couldn't figure out which one was the racial stereotype. There was a really lispy Hutt in there, but I didn't see him as any particular race. He kinda reminded me of an effeminate Boss Hogg.
Him and the Scottish rhino that Obi Wan "negoiates" with.
But, hey, they've got a whole series to dream up some more. Maybe they should get a big world atlas from the turn of the century and have at it....
Seanchai
Quote from: Seanchai;239698Maybe they should get a big world atlas from the turn of the century and have at it....
You know, this is all sort of funny after how Lucas & Co. got so itchy from the criticism that the Trade Federation dudes from
The Phantom Menace sounded like bad charicatures of the Japanese. So, it's okay, even desirable, as long as it's in the context of a cartoon?
!i!
Quote from: Ian Absentia;239917You know, this is all sort of funny after how Lucas & Co. got so itchy from the criticism that the Trade Federation dudes from The Phantom Menace sounded like bad charicatures of the Japanese. So, it's okay, even desirable, as long as it's in the context of a cartoon?
Nah, those characters were CGI animations too. The problem Lucas got into with Phantom Menace wasn't so much the accents as it was the racist stereotyping and the whole thing was worse than the sum of it's part because he frontloaded the movie with the most racist scene. For example in the MSM lots of editorials agreed that the characters from later in the movie were racist, but they didn't agree on which race or culture.
If Lucas presents them as comedic or well rounded characters he should be ok, although I imagine the perception of racism from that opening scene in Phantom Menace will continue loom over his future works until he knocks one out of the park.
Quote from: Ian Absentia;239917So, it's okay, even desirable, as long as it's in the context of a cartoon?
You mean, do I think it's cool? I don't, no. I think it's ridiculous. I'm mocking them.
Seanchai