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Author Topic: The Awfulness of Film Fantasy  (Read 1371 times)

ThatChrisGuy

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Re: The Awfulness of Film Fantasy
« Reply #30 on: November 19, 2021, 10:28:22 AM »
I mean, you can still see the outlines of Edgar Rice Burroughs, but they've been scribbled over with a heavy layer of crayon.

And they get the character beats of literally every character wrong. And the storyline.

At the very least, we should have gotten a good sword fight out of that turkey, but no.

Any everyone was overdressed! Pants, on Barsoom?
I made a blog: Southern Style GURPS

Omega

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Re: The Awfulness of Film Fantasy
« Reply #31 on: November 20, 2021, 01:24:53 AM »
Yeah none of the characters in the movie had anything to do with the characters in the books.

John Carter has a (dead) family and wont freaking fight?
The Martians arent exactly red and instead have tattoos?
The whole mish-mash of walking cities, white martians manipulating everything.
And on and on and on.

I think they tried to cram plots from 4 different books into one movie. Badly.

Its such an idiot mess.

S'mon

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Re: The Awfulness of Film Fantasy
« Reply #32 on: November 20, 2021, 04:50:23 AM »
Hawk the Slayer is not a 'Hollywood' film at all. It's from the days when Britain still had an independent film industry. It's as 'Hollywood' as Carry On Up the Khyber.
They brought in one Hollywood actor - Jack Palance. Otherwise 100% British.

Thorn Drumheller

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Re: The Awfulness of Film Fantasy
« Reply #33 on: November 20, 2021, 07:22:56 PM »
Is it okay to add the awfulness of tv fantasy? I forced myself to finish the first episode of the Wheel of Time on Amazon prime.

Would not recommend if you're a fan of the books.....ya know, the thing that the series is supposed to be based on. Hollywood is completely woke.

If you like the TV series, good for you and have a great day.
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caldrail

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Re: The Awfulness of Film Fantasy
« Reply #34 on: November 21, 2021, 02:11:40 PM »
My own recent (and limited) experience of the film industry had me making an hour-long phone conversation to a Hollywood producer in which I pitched my idea, not unsuccessfully, but having done that I discovered my bid had evolved from the period military drama I had in mind to a comedy featuring women as the lead roles. WTF? (Actually it got worse, I was asked to fund a non-union screenwriter to the tune of $15,000. Erm... No).

Part of the problem is that film projects have to be sold to studios or tv channels with a view to profits earned from release and merchandising. So LOTR had a distinct advantage that it was a book known to the civilised world and thus eventually someone was going to do a quality version of it. But basing a drama on obscure passages in the Roman sources wasn't going to sell, so what formula is going to work? Well, now I know :D

Omega

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Re: The Awfulness of Film Fantasy
« Reply #35 on: November 24, 2021, 02:01:54 AM »
So LOTR had a distinct advantage that it was a book known to the civilised world and thus eventually someone was going to do a quality version of it. But basing a drama on obscure passages in the Roman sources wasn't going to sell, so what formula is going to work? Well, now I know :D

Well yes the Rankin/Bass animated Hobbit and Return of the King are high quality. Too bad the Jackson live action movies were increasingly worse garbage all too quickly. Especially the Hobbit. And anything after is nigh guaranteed to be worse drek.

tenbones

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Re: The Awfulness of Film Fantasy
« Reply #36 on: November 24, 2021, 12:08:40 PM »
Anyone remember The Archer: Fugitive from the Empire?

It was a low-budget TV-movie released in the summer of 1981.

I haven't seen it since, but 13-year-old me was amused.

The hero was an archer with a magic bow, and his sidekick was a thief/rogue with an endless supply of throwing knives.

Probably an attempt to cash in on the then-mainstream D&D craze.

At the very least, it was better than Wizards & Warriors.

Back then, the big three networks were willing to take a chance on oddball summer shows, on the off chance that they would get better ratings than the reruns they were up against.

I loved that show! Just like I loved Hawk the Slayer, Sword and the Sorcerer, and let's not forget the sci-fi schlock glory we were served back then too. Like Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared Syn, or the insanely stupid (even back then) Megaforce...

Sweet Galactus... Megaforce...

someone even wrote a song for it https://youtu.be/BLwe7UqUX7k

Best comment ever:

"To date, 37 women have gotten pregnant merely watching this clip.  Documented.  Be careful, ladies.  Oh yeah, and the babies were all born with mullets.  So there's that too."

Omega

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Re: The Awfulness of Film Fantasy
« Reply #37 on: November 25, 2021, 06:58:36 AM »
But did you watch Metalstorm in 3D? heh.

I actually really liked Megaforce. Its goofy to be sure. But not in a bothersome way. It could have been named GI Joe the live action movie and fit right in.

Metalstorm has an almost Gamma World feel to it. Mutants, cyborgs, weird tech.

Tantavalist

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Re: The Awfulness of Film Fantasy
« Reply #38 on: November 25, 2021, 06:59:12 PM »
A thread devoted to pure trash fantasy films from the 80s straight-to-video era and nobody has yet mentioned Deathstalker and its many sequels-in-name-only?

To keep it brief for the uninitiated- it makes Hawk the Slayer look like a cinematic masterpiece on every level. No, I'm not joking. The sequels were called "Deathstalker X" but just made yet another generic low-budget fantasy movie that had a different actor in the lead role and had just kept the name, which they somehow thought must be a selling point.


https://youtu.be/P8FTMs4hzZk

Omega

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Re: The Awfulness of Film Fantasy
« Reply #39 on: November 26, 2021, 01:18:21 AM »
Was going to mention Deathstalker. The first one wasnt all that bad. But its like alot of fantasy movies from the 80s. Weird and the budget and story are all over the place.

For those that havent. Check out Hercules with Lou Ferigno. Some not bad stop motion monsters. Though not used to full potential. Think same stop motion artist did the work for Star Crash too. Another weird movie from back then. The sequel was underwhelming to say the least.

The trailer

Then theres the Ator series which IS really low budget. But like alot of movies from Italy and Spain, oddly entertaining despite it.