ok, so at least according to GMGF last ep, this season will at least start focus on killing that bastard Monk for stealing the Blinky Drive.  

Sigh.

Oh, right: and killing Nyx.  Silly me, how could I forget Nyx? She was so nice, and personable and not-cray-cray?


So lets talk a moment about the... ahem... morality of this.  


So, the Blinky Drive was either designed by, more more likely stolen by, Ferrous Corp and was being held for delivery by the Questionably Hot Powerskirt and her regular Corp. No doubt, some bad, bad people were involved in protecting this very clear strategic asset, this Stirrup if you'll allow me a classical reference from antiquity from becoming common knowledge until they could use it to win the upcoming Corp War they were planning to start (Eos-7).

And then some dumb The Kid stole a key component from a dude transporting it in his pocket like a cell phone. Well, dumber shit has happened in real life, so...

And THEN the Cru (even Umlaut, who probably hotwired the Transfer Pods for them) stole the drive itself.

Stole.

Now, as gets repeated in the opening 'what happened earlier' portion of most episodes since, is this idea that the Cru (Umlaut abstaining) are somehow morally obligated to keep this awesome new technology out of the hands of, well, everyone.  

Saying they wanted to keep it for themselves would be more honest.  

This shows a clear lack of moral clarity, never mind a simple understanding of how technology works.  Ferrous Corp and the Questionably Hot Powerskirt haven't LOST the Blinky Drive, they've merely lost they physical prototype, and presuming Ferrous stole it in teh first place, presumably the smart mofos who built it in teh first place.  But they know it is possible, they know a lot about the device itself, and they undoubtedly have shit tons of research on it. So really Ferrous Corp, the nomitive Big Bads of the setting (in fact the Corp Wars are apparently Ferrous Corp vs almost everyone else... no shit, straight from Superior Weir's mouth), having a game changer tech like the Blinky Drive means... Ferrous Corp wins.

Now, as the Blinky Drive has ZERO offensive uses... its about a deadly as a common wheel... its a morally neutral tech, serving all masters equally and relatively harmlessly.

Like the wheel, in fact. Or the Stirrup. Or heavier-than-air flight.  All useful, all changed the face of war in their own times, all having just as many civilian uses and values as military ones.

So NOT SHARING THE FUCKING WHEEL makes you a very, very bad person. Moresoe, it puts you defacto on the side of Ferrous Corp, which is... so far as Dark Matter is concerned... the Devil.

GMGF is a fucking bad person with no capacity for moral reasoning.  

There. I said it.

At least Gun Guy has an excuse. He's a merc, he's in it for the money.


That bastard Monk is actually the Good Guy in this senario, forget all the stuff last Ep about patriotism and saving his people. The solution to the 'problem' of the Blinky Drive is sharing it, far and wide. He doesn't care if hte Raza has the drive itself, he wants to reverse engineer it. And yes, to get an advantage over his enemies... which undoubtely includes Ferrous Corp.

you know: THe Devil?

Sigh.

Anyway the ep begins with The Kid doing her memory schtick, where a Kid-Four reveals way too much secret government information to his teacher to be quite real.

Then we get sword-gurl being random-psycho in a conversation with said teacher, real time.  Like, really really random. And psycho.  We're going that way with her, are we?

So. The Plan.  The Blinky Drive is in some hidden radiation nebula (shield problems, SHOT CLOCK!), the Raza.... FTLs in and starts shooting, then demands teh Blinky Drive back via comms.

You know Gun Guy plays Shadowrun, because he just sits their on the bridge swallowing his tongue the whole time.  

Me too, buddy, me too.

Drink, in fact!

Eh. Then when GMGF storms off when he starts talking about.... ahem... the plan, The Kid of all people wants to know how they'll get the doors open.

As if the Raza has not, in fact, been boarded several times by now by crews of dudes using some sort of unlocking device to get through locked doors. You may have seen it, a blue or red spiral of lights that changes colors?  Remind you of anything? No? Well, I'm sure teh Raza has a fucking pile of the damn things taken from all the assholes who have made a mockery of locked doors on board the Raza. So...

Next scene is Emperor Ninja himself on board the station, so we know there is a transfer pod. And... sigh, some fat scientist claims tehy don't have the manpower to defend the station. Um. Transfer Pods? You have them for REASONS. I'm guessing you aren't using them for beach vacations, right?  Bring in fucking space samurai, dumbfuck!

I was going to comment on dumb defenders, but explody door renders all tactics moot.  Guessing the Raza are using stun-guns looted from... was it the seers? I think it was the Seers.  Who knew the Seers were also the Sears?

Drink for looted guns!

Also: Clone Emperor wants to blinky drive the station to Zairon. Damn, he's good.  I mean, assuming the station has an FTL drive to hook it up to, right? The Fishmen DO remember that the Blinky Drive is a an aftermarket mod for FTL drives, right?

No?

Ok.

oooohhh... trapped in a jump bubble? Noice!

And Moe-droid and The Kid on the Raza... to the rescue?

The Good Guys are going to lose this one, I just know it.  Sigh.

Oh, but DRAMA... The Kid is having Memory Flashbacks? Can't get enough of those, can we? I sure can... 't.

THey musta got new Fishmen to replace the ones I murderhobo'd last season.  Hmm. I mean, they were pretty damn good about continuity and call backs and stuff, but this flashback... one of her own memories... and The Kid isn't just living the flashback. That's... not how the memory flashbacks work, man! THey are... get this... Memories. You can't interact with them, just experience them. Sorta like... real memories.

Do I like it that fat-scientist-dude actually explains HOW he knows the jump-bubble is shrinking? I do. I do like.

So there is some back and forth, Clone-Ninja gets shot, Moe-droid gets to tell that bastard Monk how he killed Nyx, which seems like fitting payback for his shutting her down before, even though he's innocent, I tells ya! INNOCENT!!!

Then the bastard love child of my favorite human chipmunk from the Lost In Space Movie and Fairuza Balk shows up in yet another Kid flashback to take her from her promising future as a real person, and back into the theft and graft of the mean streets. I just love how the key selling point seems to be Air Vents.  Good, good.  Way to play the temptress, Chip-Balk.

Also there is some weird stuff about the old guy in the flashbacks talking to the GA.  Weird, man. Weird. I mean... as far as we know, pre-dark matter (and for that matter POST-Dark Matter) Kid doesn't actually have any interesting secrets to hide, and she seemed stoked to go to Space College, so...  its a weird, weird setup, is what I'm sayin'.

So on teh incredible shrinking space station the scientist lady has murdered Fat-Scientist and stolen the blinky drive. So... her plan is to... save Zairon by suicide by jump-bubble I guess?  I'm thinking she hasn't gamed this out, but that's ok, she's still about five jumps ahead of GMGF on this. Anyway, they (who have guns, possibly stun guns) try to stop her by shouting 'hey'.

Sigh. Really? Does that EVER work?

And yup, she seems to have some dumb idea that the Emperor-Ninja would prefer NO Blinky drive rather than the Raza having it.  Hmm... maybe they shouldn't have shot Clone-Emperor? He'd probably have done it himself at that point.

And Gun Guy just shoots her. He's my Bae.

Ugh.

So. The Kid's flashbacks are wiping her mind and the only cure is amnesia.  Ok. Sure, whatever. Sounds dumb as a bag of hammers, but Kanedans, right?

So trapped in her final flashback (its like a Final Boss, or maybe a Final Girl, but somehow lamer), her memory/dream self learns she had a sister she previously knew nothing about.

Oh, god, its almost as stupid as Chief Inspector Werewolf trapping all the VIPs on Eos-7 because of a bomb threat.  I mean: That's damn hard to top, but fuck me if this show isn't trying!

Also... sigh... I just knew that bastard Monk wasn't going to kill sword-gurl. Sigh.  She doesn't even manage to babble some badass morality, like Superior Weir dropping fucking bombs. I mean, she tries, but it's hollow and weak, not even self justifying.  

Meh. And Fegh. I like Sword-gurl less and less every ep she's in.

New ep..

GA is at war with Ferrous Corp? Oh My!  

oh, nevermind. Its Tralgot Corp. You know: They of the Alderaan Bomb?

Also: Shooting a nuke in the air does not result in a criticality event. Or a Supercriticality event. Or, for the laypersons among us (SNAP!) a boom.  It might, however, spread highly toxic radioactive dust over a large portion of your planet surface.  Hopefully no one lives there.   Good Job, Raza, you gave them a slow death from plutonium poisoning and cancer instead of being flash fried by atomic fire.   Also: Alderaan bomb.

Also also:  Does anyone understand the logistics of a space war?  No?  Do I need to lay it out in small details? Unless Ferrous Corp is simply trying to wipe out all human life not part of Ferrous Corp (and from an economic standpoint, does that really make sense) than showing up and dropping random nukes is only good for a pretty pretty light show. From a military standpoint its the sort of thing you do when you are RETREATING. Scorched Earth... its for the losers, not the winners. Trust fucking Kanedan Fishmen to get that fucking backwards.

Also Also ALSO:  If you've got a real refugee crisis on your hands, the last thing you do is turn away people looking to aliviate that problem, even if only by one fucking refugee. And if the people looking to remove a refugee are people like the Raza, you probably don't want their friends in your refugee camp making problems, do you? DO YOU?

So, point in fact, they don't pick up Stargate Autism Guy (SAG? Hmm... I think I can call him that...), that actor apparently declined the invitation to do another show or something, so they've got his... apprentice, and teh Refugees (or the Fugee's?) really like the Cru (Who EVEN CALL THEMSELVES THAT!!!!)... wait? Is the bearded kid Umlaut? That little shit!

I'm waiting for Gun Guy to call himself Gun Guy. That would be a real feather in my cap. Not as awesome as Leather Daddy self referencing, but I'll take what I can get.

So, I was all set to make a Fightan Practice reference when I realized that.. nope, Emperor Ninja no longer does Fightan Practice, he makes OTHER PEOPLE do Fightan Practice for him. That is how you roll when you're an Emperor! OF COURSE!

also, I'm not really drinking. All that stuff earlier? I just wanted to show off my collection.  Jelly? You should be, I drink excellent stuff.

oh, and despite the whole Nyx misunderstanding thing, apparently he's ready to try and teach GMGF a thing or two about BLinky drive ethics. I hope he's been working on his blowjob skills, because his cleavage ain't up to the task. Remember I saw him topless already, so I know whereof I speak.

Eh, post for no reason.

Right, right. Lets talk politics, shall we?

No, no... that's for the Punditry area. I'm talking in a far more general sense.

See: One of the many elements that made Babylon 5, and to a lesser extent its ripoff cousin Deep Space 9, such an excellent show was that even if you knew little to nothing of the setting (as you wouldn't, not being a local), you could follow the politics, you were, in fact, vested in the politics of the show in a real way.  Why? Because they were well thought out, generally (if not always) well presented, and for the most part they either made f'ing sense, or if they didn't (Because, Aliens), we shared that confusion with the characters.

So, lets set up this ep's drama-llama.

Fake SAG came to a Tralgot industrial world as a refugee and has found his economic niche as a future union rep for the locals.  The locals are generally upset with Tralgot, in the person of the guards, over low pay and dangerous conditions.  So they want to hire the Raza to help them revolt by attacking the guards with their shuttle.

I'm sure you missed the underpants gnomes in there, because on the surface it seems fairly reasonable.   Did I mention this nascent revolt has been brewing for... two... whole...weeks?  I KNOW! RIGHT?!

Mind you that Tralgot is involved in a war for survival against Ferrous Corp, who hardly seems to need the Blinky Drive to straight nuke-murder everyone.  

Eh.

You know what? I got no energy to lay this all out. If you don't see issues, enjoy the episode.  Why not? I mean: Discount Angelina Jolie is in it!

In fact, I'm going to turn my brain off, because actually untangling this ball of dumb will take more labor than I am prepared to enact.

Oh, right: what's going on, fer the rubes...

Provided my touchpad lets me actually write this section.  Seriously, I'm going to find the makers of this laptop (lenovo) and murderhobo them!  then I'm going to murderhobo the laptop itself. not just mine, but the very concept of Laptop-with-touchpad.  that's right, if I'm successful it will be as if no laptops were ever made with touchpads, and there could never would be any laptops with touchpads. I will remake all of reality to have my revenge!!!!  Tell them Umlaut sent you!!!!

uh.

Oh, right, recap.

So. Zeds ded. Well, Zen, the Central Casting Worker Hero, blowed up right after the Cru (see above Umlaut Joke for your daily fix) refuse to bomb the Guard station that is apparently the ONLY Tralgot presence on world.   Leather Daddy makes a buddy in the head guard negotiating a peaceful removal, adn of course the young hothead worker sniper-murders head guard, so now its war between the two sides, with LD trapped in the middle.

But Replacment SAG makes a joke about The Kid, so life is good.

Also: Moe-droid found a secret data vault on the ship, which means more infighting over whodunit is coming... which is weird since they've got at least a year of amnesia time that anyone could have done it in, but whatever.

Only Moe-droid can make staring blankly at the camera look exciting. The Power of Moe compels you.

And I'm sorta digging Replacement SAG.

ALSO, while not quite a 'Gun Guy' callout, Gun Guy does, in fact, get called "This Guy". Halvsies!

Moar Dead-girl?

Oh, I'ma post so I can enjoy this. Moe-droid vs Dead Girl in Cyberspace!

Denied!!!!

Also: GMGF almost gets Leather Daddy killed because Hot Head.  Also: Why would a body guard go on an op to prove herself to her boss? Her primary skill set should be 'don't let the boss get shot', which is surprisingly ha rd to do from a few miles down the road in a potential firefight. Don't ask me how I know that, m'kay?  Lets just say the REAL Putin would be pretty mad at me if he still had the capacity to feel human emotion and leave it at that.

Anyway: Fake Bomb Scare. Then we learn of two OTHER crew members of the Raza (The Original Crew, for the record, is Marcus Boone (Gun Guy), Ryu (that bastard Monk), and Jasper and Shrike. I rather suspect that we weren't supposed to remember that Griffin Jones (aka: Leather Daddy) stole teh Raza from teh GA way back in, like, Ep 4?  I mean, they didn't NAME it...  whatevah.

And SHOCKER we learn that Young Hothead Worker is, in fact, some sort of plant. I KNOW!!! RIGHT???!!

Really: there's an entire city thing here, at least two or three story buildings, which implies one hell of a lot of workers... and we've seen, max, a dozen or so guards.  

Oh, please, please tell me Young Hothead Worker is workign for Ferrous Corp? I mean that would be the cherry topping on this shit sundae of stupid.

Green Laser Dots.... soooooooo much more Space Tech than Red Laser Dots, amirite?!

Oh, also, Hothead Second Guard is annoying and stupid, so I won't mind if he gets shot.  Wait: Some of the guards are putting down their weapons right at the feet of their now former 'prisoner' workers?  I... sigh. sure. get it over with. YHW is going to grab a gun, try to, or successfully shot a guard and get killed by the raza... lets see it.

Did Not Nail It.  

Shocked, I know.  He goes for a gun and Leather-Daddy draws down on him, stopping him without further violence.  Its like... its like this was filmed in Kaneda or some shit!

Oh, hey!  Its Discount Michael Ironsides! You remember, right? The General?  Soooo... that's who YHW was working for?   Well.

Anyway: Moe-droid and Dead Girl, second Tease.  C'mon, you wankers, give me a fucking scene already!  

Oh, hey! Leather-Daddy straight domeshots Discount Michael Ironsides.  I don't see a Transfer Clone burnup, but I also don't see the body, and LD looks shockingly all broken up. Seriously? Man, that was awesome. Took you about twenty damn seconds too long, never mind a whole extra scene, but... yup. Domeshot.

Well, with the loss of Serious Roleplayer (and SR2, too early) LD's been jonsing for a piece for a whole season now, so I guess Discount Angie gets a little Leather Love.  Honestly? I'm not sad to see him go. For a while he was the best player on the team, the best actor on the show, but his 'thing' got pretty one note by the end of season 2, and some of the others began stepping up (some earlier than others) and have, well, outgrown him.  And I'm sure he'll be back at some point, maybe even next ep.

And... are they replacing him with TWO characters? A beardy little white dude (who seriously could probably be SR3, though more of a joke gamer than a serious roleplayer) and a badass black chick (who is also subbing for Nyx?)

I mean: thats sorta how it reads, and I'm fine with it. I mean: someone needs to look up the manual of bodyguarding for some pointers, but other than that...

THEY ARE!!!

And SR3 is... The Kid's Puppy?

Um... ok? But I don't think you want him potty trained in the vents. Think of accidents, air flow... things...

Ah. So. Technobabble explanations for Dead Girl, and Gun Guy without a single word of Dialog just owns the scene.   See? SEE? This is why LD's faux deep dialog got tedious after a while.   Read a philosophy manual out loud a few more times, meanwhile over in this scene...

And we end with Emperor-Ninja doing his Best Darth Vader with a bunch of bounty hunters.  Meh. Darth did it better, but that sorta goes without saying, amirite?

Oh, hey! Calling it now: Groundhog Day, with Gun Guy playing the Groundhog!

Er, I mean... playing Bill Murray. You know, honestly, I'd bet on him holding his own with Murray. I think Murray's got the rep in part because he brings distinctive to the table. Gun Guy is unfortunately rather generic (as seen with Drank-Agent), despite having chops.

Nailed It!

Ok, that was too easy.  WHY and HOW and... hmm... well those two are enough... those are the difficult questions to answer.  I'm betting its Ferrous Corps fault. No. Red-Moe! NO!!! DEAD GIRL!!!! WOOT!!!!

Anyway: Gun Guy vs Moe-Droid in a Moe-off!  These two don't get enough to do against one another, really.   Actually, this episode is chock full of it, so GO ME!

Yes, I win, from time to time.

Against whom? Well, does it matter? I get Gun Guy vs Moe-Droid all up in this episode, so THERE! Take that, ya pikers!

Oh, right, what's going on?

Groundhog Day. With Gun Guy.   Presumably until he finds out he's a jerk, learns piano and finds love, and maybe kills a few fur bearing subterranian mammals along the way in bizzare suicide rituals.

No? Well... this is still pretty good, but what do you really want me to comment on?

Ok, so replace piano lessons with learning French? Sure, we'll go with that.

Which leads to an awesome moment with Moe-droid playing ukelale while Gun Guy does his best beatnik impersonation while singing in french.  

Which is now my new screensaver. Or would be if I were remotely technically proficient. I lie. I once turned a B-movie Alyssa Milano threesome (er, Menage a trois, french, you know), into a screen saver. It was awesome.  

So, the only way Gun Guy can Technobabble is in French? I'm surprisingly cool with that.

So, the only way out is for Gun Guy to learn French and Find Love with Digital Dead Girl, and survive Ishida-Vader's bounty hunters?

Hhmm...

Sure, sounds like a plan.

Oh... oh god! Now Gun Guy and Kid's Puppy are stuck in Groundhog Day?  

Oh, this ep!

Oh... Walk through walls Merc is stuck in the time loop too?  

So... Choking out The Kid results in an immediate face kicking?  This Kid's got protection!

OOooohhhh! Now the Merc is frozen in Carbonite!  That's what you get for trying to outrun bullets, motherfucker!

So. Mindtrip time. Got it. Also... another merc?  This one with some sort of mind bending power? For a sci-fi universe, there sure are a lot of super powered mercs wandering around...

Ok, its was a Moe-Mindtrip.

Oooohhh.. not another Merc, its Moe-Merc?

So? Final Time-loop? Future Moe-Merc meets Old The Kid, who drops cryptic plot bombs all over the place, including (TWO!!!) references to Android's creator.

Sigh.

Android is, sigh, a Class 3 Service Droid, a fairly standard example of the breed. GMGF/Two and The Kid/Five sometime in the year prior to Amnesia Event hack upgraded her with a form of emotional emulator, possibly due to the fact that Service Androids are clearly industrial workers, and not terribly personable.. and because GMGF/Two is practically and Android herself, and probably got a bit lonely. Later she was given an illegal Upgrade by Victor, probably taken from a Covert Ops Android.

There is no reason to believe any great mystery surrounds Android, so I am pre-emptively calling bullshit on that plot thread right here and now.   Capisce?

I'd say it's a bit anticlimactic, but since Moe-droid rips the guts out of the time-clock (oooh... that's a good name for a temporal loop device, right??? Right?!), adn then we get more Digital Dead Girl... well...  I'm just cruisin' on good feelz here, mang!

And we end on Emperor-Ninja talking to a weird guy in a chair with glowy tubes? Maybe the Seer, rendered more tractible after his sword murder? That's a long shot.

Really this conflict between Ishida and the Raza feels really forced, but I've done a lot of typing on that already, so...

So, new Ep.

And, sigh, teh Bodyguard really IS a monk (monkette? Monkess?). In addition to being special forces adn a bunch of other over the top species of badass that I'm not rewinding just to catch for this.

Also: More SAG plot I guess. They're really milking him not appearing this season, aren't they?

Oh, I was going to complain about backstory bombing, but since there is a shoutout for idiot pacificism I guess I'll let it slide.  

Also... her backstory reads like a bad D&D story, not a Sci-fi story. Bandits broke into a monastery full of badass martial arts pacifists to steal valuable manuscripts, killing everyone because they wouldn't fight even to defend themselves?

Except, you know, her, because she was out at the time, and also not-a-pacifist. Like a sensible kung fu badass.

"... I tracked the bandits back into the woods, waited until nightfall and slit all of their throats while they were sleeping."

Um.

Sci-Fi.

This is sci-fi. Bandits in the woods?

Not Sci-Fi.

Slitting throats? We can work with that, but silenced pistols are good too, better maybe.

Whatever, D&D reject.


Anyway Kid's Puppy calls SAG's safehouse and gets some girl tied to a chair he clearly has a relationship with... which? Eh.  Also some really, really bad actor who I think is talking like a pirate, but it might be Aussie?   Its hard to tell, he's so laughably bad.

And... his name is Gorn?

I mean, the real Gorn just called me, protesting this slur on his acting ability.  What? We go back a ways. Drinking buddies.  Did he ever tell you about the time some asshole whipped up a poncy gun out of bamboo and rocks and shot him?  Second worst day of his life, he said. The worst was seeing this mook slurring his good name.

Anyway. The war continues to go badly for Zairon, and I honestly feel bad for Emperor-Ninja here.  I mean, I feel even worse since Old The Kid said something about the Fall of House Ishida in her cryptic not-prophesy, and honestly I think those morally bankrupt Kanedans are trying to make him the bad-guy for some reason.  I mean: he did try to talk the Cru down, until Umlaut whispered in Gun Guy's ear to shoot him in teh face aboard the research station.

Also apparently scuttlign massive city sized space stations is a thing the mega-corps are doing now. I mean, sure.  Say: The germans are trying to take Paris, quick lets bomb it into teh stone age first! WIN!

So, disguising The Kid is a thing now?  Ok, sure, whatever.   Also: Making Monkette Smile is not as amusing or sexah-weird as Wednesday Addams smiling.  Look, she's a convincing amazon, so lets just keep her in that box until she proves she can act, m'kay?

So, a mission to loot SAGs datavault fails miserably, and we get... Kiva-Moe, looking FABULOUS in a pink fur wrap and, I think, rocking a southern belle accent?

Hey, I'm all for Fabulous Moe, but you know how I feel about Kiva.   This is complicated stuff here...

Beautiful baby browns?

Gah!

Fish men!

Look. For brown eyes the proper compliment is Doe eyes, bringing to mind the beauty and grace of Bambi's Mom, as well as emphasizing a certain Neonatal eye-size.   Babies, as a general rule, do not have brown eyes, they have blue eyes until the pigment sets, which is why we refer to Baby-Blues, referencing a very specific luminous blueness of the eyes, as well as, perhaps a more extreme neonatal reference.  

Mixing the two willy nilly, despite alliteration, just... it fucking hurts me, man! I'm in pain here.

Eh. I think the Southron is laid on a bit too thick, and I really could do without the cliche drop character, say badass (ish) line and Hello Floor.  But, well, I'm still trying to work out Kiva-moe and Fabulous, so you're on your own with this one.

And... they are lampshading how often Kid gets captured AND the fact that pretending to be sick only works now for Michael Madsen in Uwe Boll films. I mean, he just OWNS that delievery for all time now.



Anyway... where was I?

Oh, yes. Goose Chase. So Im sorry Mario-Raza, but your PRincess-File in in another Castle-planet!

And... yes, the Cru, under Umlaut's sorry guidance, pretty much do suck at shadowrun ops. Luckily, Gun Guy is unusually competent at these sorts of jobs, and he didnt go with them, so he can do the rescue.

Dollars to donuts that this Ambrosia chick (the one in the chair with... ugh.. Gorn) is working with... Gorn. Fake Gorn, obviously.

Yanno? Defense Droid does bring a bit of masculine flavor Moe. Not my bag, but its there. Also, he makes me think of Michael Jackson, Thriller Years.  Henseforth MJTY.

And... Kiva Droid's (no moe here) plan appears to be... slipping a/the Emotion Chip into MJTY?  That seems... well, I guess it could work but excessive? Just shoot him and be, like, merciful and junk.

Also: Chair Chick? Nailed It.  

Anyway, she also kills Gorn, not surprised.   Like, apparently brokering mercs is seriously dog eat dog. Whatevah.


Eh, so the mcguffin Ferrous Corp Super-fleet is already on the move, and if the timing of scenes is to be believed, they are definitely attacking Zairon, if not the world itself, then the empire.

And remember way back when I pointed out that destroying six cruisers as a show of political force, in the middle of a war going badly, was seriously dumb?

Well, a horrific ambush for Zairon was the loss of nine cruisers, a truly disasterous battle... hey, wait? Six isn't much less than nine. Way to OWN GOAL, Dowager Empress! Sigh.

Seriously, if the writers didn't hate him, Emperor Ninja would probably be doing pretty good for Zairon right about now, honestly.

Its the Return of Mark Steyn!

So apparently Ferrous Corp believes they are winning in only six months, but are suddenly upset by the independent colonies.

At some point I have to wonder if the writers have any grasp of geo-politics? I mean they throw the rare nod to logistics, but only in passing, the way you might nod at a hooker you once... I mean, um... a casual business acquaintance?

Whatever, so long as they make Drama-Llamas, the setting don't need to make sense, yo?

Rrrriiiiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhtttttt.

So, last ep for now.

So, Emperor Ninja has the 'clansmen' of his would be assassin rounded up and subjected to star courts?  More on that in a second, but cunning reveal, somehow GMGF and Gun Guy are mixed up in the roundup?

I mean: clever reveal and all, but it makes no sense.  I know, I know, I've been withholding the OF COURSE!!! For this season, and this was a moment that called for it.  But my heart, she'sa not into it no more.

Anyway: Emperor-Ninja. Look: Emperor-Daddy was clearly not the brightest bulb when it came to Emperorship, which is why our Loner-Ninja-Badass was such a badass, and is not doing so well at rulership. Too much sword training, not enough leadership training.  Then you have the royal guards run by a psychotic bitch who doesn't follow orders, and you got New-Sensei-San, who perhaps was imprisoned for actually being not a military trainer of some sort.   So, Emperor-Ninja is attempting to implement Machiavelli's THe Prince, but he's not very good at it. On the one hand he has purely military pragmatism, divorced from any semblance of humanity or decency, and other hand he has the guy who is convinced that Emperor-Ninja should be loved.

What he's lacking is a ruthless, skilled pragmatist, a Left Hand, a Spymaster. Probably doesn't trust that sort, and sure... they're inherently untrustworthy... but oddly few Spymasters in history ever took over. Wonder why?  Well, aside from being tempermentally unsuitable to leadership, they also tend to avoid the spotlight, if only because it makes them better targets... so he actually had little to fear there.

See, he can't solve the problem of the assassin without a Left Hand, who is skilled at unravelling plots, and he can't keep doing the dirty work himself... the Left Hand also keeps the Emperor's Hand clean, if you will.

Its not his fault... I mean, the writers surely do hate him, but his advisors are shit, so his politics wind up being shit.  Ironically, Gun Guy, for all his faults, would be a decent (if not perfect) Left Hand. I mean... he's probably not the sharpest spymaster ever created, but his ability to cut through bullshit with ruthless pragmatism, and his general skill at dirty deeds would at least keep him in the running as acceptable.

And CLEARLY the Emperor-Ninja has at least one traitor in his midst, though whom is the question.

I think its his seat cushion, and my record speaks for itself.

What is it with people asking to prove themselves by kicking random ass? Or just asking to kick random ass? I mean: one character, or every now and again, but damn if this show doesn't bring all sorts of antisocial assholes with every third episode.

Right: So they're going to take the ship and free these people to join the outer colonies, and random sidekick chick feels the need to ask to beat GMGFs ass (well.... no comment) to prove she's capable. There. I told you, happy now?

You know... if i ever work in any sort of prison guarding capacity, ever, I'm just going to let prisoners fucking beat each other to death.  I may even record it and put it on the youtubes.  Just saying.

Oh... lookalikes? We have an Evil Twin episode?  I thought they were a little too eager to shoot the Ishida guards in teh face.  Still. Prison Guard. Prison Fights. Entertainment, not an excuse to get involved, ya feel me?  I'm sure ya feel me.

They call Superior Weir, to talk business, then we get teh entire Alt-Cru, except for Umlaut, they left that asshole in the other universe.

Great drama and all that, but really?

I mean think a bit on it.  One day a bunch of alt-universe Yous show up and generally find themselves uncomfortable in your world. They aren't any better than you, cooler than you, or richer than you... in fact you might even think they are a bit inferior to you, soft in the head or something.

What's your first thought? Hitch a ride back to their Alt-world so YOU can be the uncomfortable outsider?  

Sure. Sure.

Well, we got Alt-Blue-Moe, and I can stare at Alt-Incest-Twin's ass, so there's that.  

Nope. Still not seeing it.

But you knew it was going to happen. They got a guy named Wexler on their team, after all...

Anyway. New-Sensei-San. On some level I gotta wonder if he's just super ghey for Emperor-Ninja. Surely he's got sound advice to offer, but he's so interested in... ahem... serving Emperor Ninja (he did spend three years in a prison cell because his personal loyalty, yadda yadda... AND he was young Emperor-Ninja's teacher... if you know what I mean adn I think you do...).

Maybe he's just slightly stupid? Not enough to be obvious about it, but enough that... well... he's got nothing more than superficial platitudes and banal, often useless, observations?

you know which theory I'm going with.... oh, you know... you know you know.

Oh, please god tell me that the Mikkei Combine Guy is being deliberately incompetent when he yells at his men about getting them all killed, right after explaining that they don't want to know what is in the cargo.  

I mean: Superior Weir is, well, Superior. And tricky. Remember the prison escape she engineered, rather than expend political capital getting the Cru (complete with Umlaut) out of prison?

Anyway: That didn't take long as the Alt-Cru (minus you know who) apparently betrayed Superior Weir right out the gate, and despite KNOWING about hitchhiking Alt-Universe people, no one says boo.  Sigh. Oh, and Superior Weir is upset with the Raza now.  

So, Kid's Puppy sets up the Alt-Cru (Umlaut should have seen the trap coming), and in a strange scene he reveals that he hoped his alt-self was... a concert pianist.

No, this is good stuff.  What's weird is everyone else's reaction, scoffing at him.  Dafuq? Man had hopes and dreams of a life that didn't involve scams, lies, double deals and getting shot at... dreams of being an artist... and you scoff like he's doom to be a git in every life?

Harsh, man. Real harsh.  Uncalled for harsh.  Are we sure we have the right Raza?

So. Alt-Wexler, who is really the Only Wexler (and always was. I mean: How many Wexlers can a multiverse sustain? Don't answer that...) comes alone, expecting backup, and Monkette just pimp slaps him silly.  But the magic is when GMGF reveals that Kid's Puppy's Gun doesn't have any bullets in it.  Heartbreak, I tell ya.

Then... A Gun Guy gets shot by A GMGF, and I think we are supposed to be confused which is which. Still... stun gun, and Gun Guy was lookign alt-rough.

But, its early in the ep, so probably not a fake out.

Not a fake out, we get the regular GMGF walking through the woods, adn I still rather like Wexler.  Of course, I'd rather have the blonde, but whatevah.  I mean: whats not to like about a guy who looks up how the Alt-version of himself dies, and thinks its neat.

Moe-droid.  Heh.  Right on it like spit on a sidewalk.   Also: Alt-GMGF thinking Moe-droid has a glass jaw. Seriously?

Oooohhh... tricky. Captured Gun Guy is Alt-Gun Guy, while REAL Gun Guy is prisoner of Alt-Incest Twin on the Ishida Cruiser?

Epic twist yo.  I had warning, but I ignored it, and now my record for predictions is trashed... just like the rep of teh Raza.  So sad.  Moe sad, really, but its hard to feel anything with double dose Moe going on.

Double Twist! Alt-Gun Guy is falling for trapped bridge trick!  Oh, I see. Rather than baffle us with Who's On First, they're doing the 'how many knives can fit in your back' game. Got it.  Should be fun!

And The Kid shoots Alt-Gun Guy, with played cliche badass line.  

Perspective is weird, man. Suddenly it looks like the Raza is supermassive compared to the Ishida Cruiser.  Like Super-Star Destroyer vs Corellian Cruiser.  Fix ya damn camera angles, ya gits!

Alt Blue Moe, but really, that was to be expected.  Now, if she killed Alt-Incest Twin, well, that's probably unacceptable from a canon point of view, but stunned is cool. Me? Well, I've made my Alt Incest Twin feelings known before.  

Moe Vs Moe... OH MY!!!

Then Superior Weir and REAL GMGF get to exchange Eyebrow lifts.

What? Kid's Puppy is leaving? And taking Monkette with him? Um.. ok?  I mean, its cool that The Kid gets a scene where she lets him go (if they love you they'll return and all that...).

Ah! Sudden TET is Sudden!

Oh, that's where Ferrous Corp hangs out? Well. That explains a few things. Not good things, but.

Ooooohhh and Alt-GMGF has a scene with Mark Steyn? When was the last time these two actors were on set together? Ep 2 was it?

Oh and for a Coda/cliffhanger they go to check on Leather Daddy and find its a world full of dead bodies.


O right. Gun Guy gets weird vibes from Digital Dead Girl?  You know I love these two actors together, so what? You want objective commentary? FIne: They are great. Objectively.

So, last ep for now.

So, Emperor Ninja has the 'clansmen' of his would be assassin rounded up and subjected to star courts?  More on that in a second, but cunning reveal, somehow GMGF and Gun Guy are mixed up in the roundup?

I mean: clever reveal and all, but it makes no sense.  I know, I know, I've been withholding the OF COURSE!!! For this season, and this was a moment that called for it.  But my heart, she'sa not into it no more.

Anyway: Emperor-Ninja. Look: Emperor-Daddy was clearly not the brightest bulb when it came to Emperorship, which is why our Loner-Ninja-Badass was such a badass, and is not doing so well at rulership. Too much sword training, not enough leadership training.  Then you have the royal guards run by a psychotic bitch who doesn't follow orders, and you got New-Sensei-San, who perhaps was imprisoned for actually being not a military trainer of some sort.   So, Emperor-Ninja is attempting to implement Machiavelli's THe Prince, but he's not very good at it. On the one hand he has purely military pragmatism, divorced from any semblance of humanity or decency, and other hand he has the guy who is convinced that Emperor-Ninja should be loved.

What he's lacking is a ruthless, skilled pragmatist, a Left Hand, a Spymaster. Probably doesn't trust that sort, and sure... they're inherently untrustworthy... but oddly few Spymasters in history ever took over. Wonder why?  Well, aside from being tempermentally unsuitable to leadership, they also tend to avoid the spotlight, if only because it makes them better targets... so he actually had little to fear there.

See, he can't solve the problem of the assassin without a Left Hand, who is skilled at unravelling plots, and he can't keep doing the dirty work himself... the Left Hand also keeps the Emperor's Hand clean, if you will.

Its not his fault... I mean, the writers surely do hate him, but his advisors are shit, so his politics wind up being shit.  Ironically, Gun Guy, for all his faults, would be a decent (if not perfect) Left Hand. I mean... he's probably not the sharpest spymaster ever created, but his ability to cut through bullshit with ruthless pragmatism, and his general skill at dirty deeds would at least keep him in the running as acceptable.

And CLEARLY the Emperor-Ninja has at least one traitor in his midst, though whom is the question.

I think its his seat cushion, and my record speaks for itself.

What is it with people asking to prove themselves by kicking random ass? Or just asking to kick random ass? I mean: one character, or every now and again, but damn if this show doesn't bring all sorts of antisocial assholes with every third episode.

Right: So they're going to take the ship and free these people to join the outer colonies, and random sidekick chick feels the need to ask to beat GMGFs ass (well.... no comment) to prove she's capable. There. I told you, happy now?

You know... if i ever work in any sort of prison guarding capacity, ever, I'm just going to let prisoners fucking beat each other to death.  I may even record it and put it on the youtubes.  Just saying.

Oh... lookalikes? We have an Evil Twin episode?  I thought they were a little too eager to shoot the Ishida guards in teh face.  Still. Prison Guard. Prison Fights. Entertainment, not an excuse to get involved, ya feel me?  I'm sure ya feel me.

They call Superior Weir, to talk business, then we get teh entire Alt-Cru, except for Umlaut, they left that asshole in the other universe.

Great drama and all that, but really?

I mean think a bit on it.  One day a bunch of alt-universe Yous show up and generally find themselves uncomfortable in your world. They aren't any better than you, cooler than you, or richer than you... in fact you might even think they are a bit inferior to you, soft in the head or something.

What's your first thought? Hitch a ride back to their Alt-world so YOU can be the uncomfortable outsider?  

Sure. Sure.

Well, we got Alt-Blue-Moe, and I can stare at Alt-Incest-Twin's ass, so there's that.  

Nope. Still not seeing it.

But you knew it was going to happen. They got a guy named Wexler on their team, after all...

Anyway. New-Sensei-San. On some level I gotta wonder if he's just super ghey for Emperor-Ninja. Surely he's got sound advice to offer, but he's so interested in... ahem... serving Emperor Ninja (he did spend three years in a prison cell because his personal loyalty, yadda yadda... AND he was young Emperor-Ninja's teacher... if you know what I mean adn I think you do...).

Maybe he's just slightly stupid? Not enough to be obvious about it, but enough that... well... he's got nothing more than superficial platitudes and banal, often useless, observations?

you know which theory I'm going with.... oh, you know... you know you know.

Oh, please god tell me that the Mikkei Combine Guy is being deliberately incompetent when he yells at his men about getting them all killed, right after explaining that they don't want to know what is in the cargo.  

I mean: Superior Weir is, well, Superior. And tricky. Remember the prison escape she engineered, rather than expend political capital getting the Cru (complete with Umlaut) out of prison?

Anyway: That didn't take long as the Alt-Cru (minus you know who) apparently betrayed Superior Weir right out the gate, and despite KNOWING about hitchhiking Alt-Universe people, no one says boo.  Sigh. Oh, and Superior Weir is upset with the Raza now.  

So, Kid's Puppy sets up the Alt-Cru (Umlaut should have seen the trap coming), and in a strange scene he reveals that he hoped his alt-self was... a concert pianist.

No, this is good stuff.  What's weird is everyone else's reaction, scoffing at him.  Dafuq? Man had hopes and dreams of a life that didn't involve scams, lies, double deals and getting shot at... dreams of being an artist... and you scoff like he's doom to be a git in every life?

Harsh, man. Real harsh.  Uncalled for harsh.  Are we sure we have the right Raza?

So. Alt-Wexler, who is really the Only Wexler (and always was. I mean: How many Wexlers can a multiverse sustain? Don't answer that...) comes alone, expecting backup, and Monkette just pimp slaps him silly.  But the magic is when GMGF reveals that Kid's Puppy's Gun doesn't have any bullets in it.  Heartbreak, I tell ya.

Then... A Gun Guy gets shot by A GMGF, and I think we are supposed to be confused which is which. Still... stun gun, and Gun Guy was lookign alt-rough.

But, its early in the ep, so probably not a fake out.

Not a fake out, we get the regular GMGF walking through the woods, adn I still rather like Wexler.  Of course, I'd rather have the blonde, but whatevah.  I mean: whats not to like about a guy who looks up how the Alt-version of himself dies, and thinks its neat.

Moe-droid.  Heh.  Right on it like spit on a sidewalk.   Also: Alt-GMGF thinking Moe-droid has a glass jaw. Seriously?

Oooohhh... tricky. Captured Gun Guy is Alt-Gun Guy, while REAL Gun Guy is prisoner of Alt-Incest Twin on the Ishida Cruiser?

Epic twist yo.  I had warning, but I ignored it, and now my record for predictions is trashed... just like the rep of teh Raza.  So sad.  Moe sad, really, but its hard to feel anything with double dose Moe going on.

Double Twist! Alt-Gun Guy is falling for trapped bridge trick!  Oh, I see. Rather than baffle us with Who's On First, they're doing the 'how many knives can fit in your back' game. Got it.  Should be fun!

And The Kid shoots Alt-Gun Guy, with played cliche badass line.  

Perspective is weird, man. Suddenly it looks like the Raza is supermassive compared to the Ishida Cruiser.  Like Super-Star Destroyer vs Corellian Cruiser.  Fix ya damn camera angles, ya gits!

Alt Blue Moe, but really, that was to be expected.  Now, if she killed Alt-Incest Twin, well, that's probably unacceptable from a canon point of view, but stunned is cool. Me? Well, I've made my Alt Incest Twin feelings known before.  

Moe Vs Moe... OH MY!!!

Then Superior Weir and REAL GMGF get to exchange Eyebrow lifts.

What? Kid's Puppy is leaving? And taking Monkette with him? Um.. ok?  I mean, its cool that The Kid gets a scene where she lets him go (if they love you they'll return and all that...).

Ah! Sudden TET is Sudden!

Oh, that's where Ferrous Corp hangs out? Well. That explains a few things. Not good things, but.

Ooooohhh and Alt-GMGF has a scene with Mark Steyn? When was the last time these two actors were on set together? Ep 2 was it?

Oh and for a Coda/cliffhanger they go to check on Leather Daddy and find its a world full of dead bodies.


O right. Gun Guy gets weird vibes from Digital Dead Girl?  You know I love these two actors together, so what? You want objective commentary? FIne: They are great. Objectively.

After a point I had to stop reading through, fun as it was.
Why?

The damn over over over over over over every damn sometimes several dammed post "cru(umulat)"
It went so far past old it ruined reading further.

Most of the jokes got old, I think.  Frankly I was thinking no one was going to get to the 'end', not even me.  

I mean, the Groundhog Day episode... what could I say? It was 'groundhog day... in space' for a couple hundred words... which is one reason I just went ahead and got caught up on the series and stopped posting.  We've seen most of these episodes, done better, in other shows.

Spike I want to ask you A question. How have you not poisoned your self on booze watching this??

Actually I did. But only because the Laphroaig was bad... I exchanged it....and the new bottle is bad too. Sad... I was going for some old school clan loyalty there..



Also I am immortal... So that helps

Quote from: Spike;981004Actually I did. But only because the Laphroaig was bad... I exchanged it....and the new bottle is bad too. Sad... I was going for some old school clan loyalty there..



Also I am immortal... So that helps

Immortal you say that would explain A lot;) .

Dark Matter is dead, alas.