I've spent some time today helping in the babysitting of my 10-year old nephew. He's been over at my apartment and is very interested in my RPG books, he's a diehard Harry Potter fan and they naturally attract his interest. My sister though, due to a bad relationship with a gamer years ago, wants her family to have nothing to do with RPGs. So, I've had to tell him that his mother doesn't want him looking at those books and therefore I won't let him.

I disagree with my sister on this, but after talking to her and trying to convince her to change her mind about it - I've let the matter drop. Yet it is frustrating for me because I really thing my nephew would like to game.

I'm wondering if my situation is unique, or do some of you others out there have similar situations with family members that revolve around our hobby?

Yeah.  My mother.  

For whom the issue of my gaming was a source of some contention during my high school years, as she is of the fundamentalist persuasion and filled with all kinds of crazy ideas about D&D being Satanic and such nonsense.

It was fine, and I'd even described it to her and it jsut went in one ear, and out the other, until a friend made the mistake of mentioning that we'd at one point played basic D&D, and she promptly freaked the fuck out.

Didn't really do her any good though.  Both me and my brother just went on gaming anyway.

Well, that explains your reflexive hatred of "right-wingers" at least. Thanks, mom! :haw:

It's not like your nephew is a table lamp that your sister owns. Just let the boy play, and if she causes trouble about it, tell her she's being an unreasonable maniac.

My family has never really cared, other than making occasional cracks about it being juvenile.

Yeah, he's not a table lamp.  He's a ten year old boy for whom she is responsible and from whom all blame will be hurled at her when he get's to be 30 and can't hold a job or have a relationship and he's in with his therapist.  I can see it now...

"It's because she didn't let me play D&D at Uncle Jeff's!"

I know it's hard, jeff, but it's her wishes and her child.  I would expect nothing less from someone to whom I entrusted the care of my children - that is, respect my wishes. When the kid is 18 (or 16 and sues for separation or whatever it's called), he or she can go hog wild.

Or you could let her know that you disagree so strongly with her perspective that you will no longer watch her kids.

But to ignore her and let him play is possibly the worst advice I've ever heard anyone ever give on the Internet...and that's saying a lot.

Quote from: PseudoephedrineIt's not like your nephew is a table lamp that your sister owns. Just let the boy play, and if she causes trouble about it, tell her she's being an unreasonable maniac.

Uh ... dude.  She's made her wishes clear.  Whether they're unreasonable or not, saying "Yeah, uh-huh, okay, I'll do that," and then running off to do the exact opposite ... it's just not cool.

A continued attitude of trust and respect between all family members is waaaaay more important than whether this particular uncle gets to be the one to introduce the kid to gaming.  I mean, with his mother saying "You must absolutely, positively, never ever EVER explore this!" you just know that eventually the kid's going to be into gaming 100%.  So Jeff misses out on the fun ... that's rough, but it's family.

I'm just curious, pseduo - and honestly, no harm intended....

But how do you treat your children?  If your 7, 8, 9, or 10 year old is at a friend's and they want to watch an 'R' rated movie with intense violence and sex, would you be OK with not having a say? Do you let your children watch these kinds of things or play violent/sexual games?

I'm honestly curious....

Nope.  I grew up around other people with those problems - I even remember when a friend gave away all things fantasy related because it was non-Christian to own Magic: The Gathering and RPGs.  But my family just wanted me to read and learn, and they weren't too particular with what I was reading so long as I was.

Quote from: TonyLB*says smart things*

Tony is smart!

Why?  Just because he can say what I said without the snark and with more meaning? That's all it takes? Sheesh....

Damn Tony...Damn him to Hell!!!!!

Quote from: PseudoephedrineIt's not like your nephew is a table lamp that your sister owns. Just let the boy play, and if she causes trouble about it, tell her she's being an unreasonable maniac.

My family has never really cared, other than making occasional cracks about it being juvenile.

 You really don't know much about families - do you ?

 Jeff is in the frustrating position of trying to maintain a friendly relationship with ALL members of his family...ahile spotting a possible like-minded sould in his nephew and his interests.

Jeff, Good luck  with that.
My sister had a "blow-up" with me about 3 months ago ....it can be rough if the wrong things are said or done.

 By-the-way, when she was a teenager ...my sister used to play in some of my TRAVELLER games and even dated one of the other players back then. She's less than two years younger than I am.

- Ed C.

Quote from: James J SkachI'm just curious, pseduo - and honestly, no harm intended....

But how do you treat your children?  If your 7, 8, 9, or 10 year old is at a friend's and they want to watch an 'R' rated movie with intense violence and sex, would you be OK with not having a say? Do you let your children watch these kinds of things or play violent/sexual games?

I'm honestly curious....

I don't have kids. If I did, I'd let them watch R-rated movies, so long as they weren't shit. I think we ought to treat children as future adults, not idiot pets or photocopies of our personal beliefs. I don't talk down to children when I am given responsibility for them, I don't make them do things and provide idiotic justifications like "Because I'm the adult" or "Because I'm in charge", and I don't force them to ape my behaviour or personal choices.

Quote from: KoltarYou really don't know much about families - do you ?

 Jeff is in the frustrating position of trying to maintain a friendly relationship with ALL members of his family...ahile spotting a possible like-minded sould in his nephew and his interests.

Two things:

1)Your understanding of "friendship" is bizarre if it doesn't include the ability to criticise others in an open and honest manner. That's not friendship, that's flattery and sycophancy.

2) Being friends with your family is not intrinsically valuable. If they're good people, then be friends with them. If they're not, then don't.

Quote from: TonyLBUh ... dude.  She's made her wishes clear.  Whether they're unreasonable or not, s[/U]aying "Yeah, uh-huh, okay, I'll do that," and then running off to do the exact opposite ... it's just not cool.

A continued attitude of trust and respect between all family members is waaaaay more important than whether this particular uncle gets to be the one to introduce the kid to gaming.  I mean, with his mother saying "You must absolutely, positively, never ever EVER explore this!" you just know that eventually the kid's going to be into gaming 100%.  So Jeff misses out on the fun ... that's rough, but it's family.

The two parts of your argument contradict one another. You first tell Jeff not to let the kid play because it's against the mother's wishes, but then defend that position by telling him that because the mother dislikes it, the kid will break her wishes eventually anyhow.

That doesn't make a lick of sense. It seems like your advice boils down to just "Make sure it's not your fault, Jeff", which is pathetic. Either the mother is wrong to hold the views she does, or she is not. If she is, then Jeff should not support her wrong views. If she isn't, then it is wrong for the child to go against them.

Pseudo,

 Your answers tell me two things:

 1) I'd never trust you to watch kids....you would disobey the directives and wishes of the parents.

2) My gawd you're young and think you know everything!!


 Jeff....if you're reading. I say stick it out and try to get along with your sister's wishes. When the kid hits 18 or so ....he can make his own decisions...and his mother/your sister might have mellowed on the whole thing.

 Hang in there....,


- Ed C.

Quote from: KoltarJeff....if you're reading. I say stick it out and try to get along with your sister's wishes. When the kid hits 18 or so ....he can make his own decisions...and his mother/your sister might have mellowed on the whole thing.

Actually, when the kid hits 14-16, he'll start sneaking around doing his own thing anyway - whether it be girls, boys, booze, dope, or rpgs. Of all those things, I would be most comfortable with my kid doing rpgs, they're less likely to have long-term bad consequences.

I would not say that you should deceive a child's mother. If only because a ten year old can't keep secrets! And anyway it's never good to teach a child deceit, however harmless the issue they're lying about is.

I do think that for your own sake it's worth trying to encourage your family in a more generous view of your hobbies. You don't want them to think you're involved in something bad or wrong in some way. If you can improve their view of you and your hobbies, then what their kids can get up to will change, too.

Families are like game groups, it's almost always good to talk. Unlike game groups, though, you're pretty much stuck with the one you've got! So I guess that makes talking even more important.

But don't engage in deceit. That's stupid advice, and splits families.