Story by the AP:

Washington--In an earth-shattering press conference today, CIA spokesman Edwin Tollhouse revealed that the United States government had proof that Bill Belichick had not only ordered the videotaping of Jets coaches during Week 1 of the NFL season, but that he, as head of an international spy ring, was also selling said game tapes directly to the enemies of the United States, namely agents of Iran and North Korea.

"It all fits--we were intercepting communiques from North Korea showing exactly how, heaven help us, if North Korea ever invaded, they'd know exactly who Chad Pennington's check-down option would be on 38 Triple Right Flare Go Cowboy Orange. Frankly, as an American and lover of freedom, that frightens me".

Just as the news conference ended, the CIA Press Office released the following photo, which, much to Patriots fans' dismay everywhere, seem to be damning evidence against the once-respected head coach/communist collaborator:








It is unknown what North Korea plans to do with this knowledge, but the Secretary of Defense did assure reporters today that "the North Koreans will never crack Kellen Clemens; we've left that to opposing defenses".