I seen bald-beard guy before.  Didn't mention him, but I like him. Heck, I think I like about half of Wexler's Crew more than I like the Raza's cru. Well, that's because Serious Roleplayer is weak sauce, and the Kid just owns Pensive, and... well, Leather Daddy just, well, he just looks weird, mang.

I'm sorry, but I'd rather have the incest twins and bald-beard guy... and yes, Wexler (though he is rubbish too.... lots of rubbish actors on this show....)

hmm.

So the Incest Twins are psychopaths, and yes, The Kid was in the big box o' plumbing supplies. Nothing worth reporting, but...

After locking up the incapacitated... tech/mooks, GMGF turns to Incest Twins to ask if they know what they're stealing. The whole damn scene, all twnety seconds of it, is... well... not quite right.  Like... its too perfectly weird for my drunk ass, which means sober me would be creeped out by how weird it would be... if I were sober.

Yeah, I got mad drunk problem solving skills.  Its okay to be Jelly.

Also, I REALLY should drink for all the Player Character Sidebar Conversations in this episode, so... I will.  Yup, you heard me.

yay for dude-droid?  and GM-asshole timing?  I mean, that's a drink for asshole GM timing, I guess, but... really?  sigh. Time to recharge my glass.

Bald-Beard dude thinks Androids have glass jaws?  And Gun Guy (with no guns!) says: I Hate Robots.  TEEE!!!!

"Catch Me!" ?  Really? Fuck, I can't drink again, not yet. Same scene. whew!

anyway; Dude-droid kicks all three guys asses and is tasered into submission by The Kid. Electricity don't work that way, Kid... you ALSO just shocked teh hell out of.. um... not gonna rewind, but Serious Roleplayer. (X's fingers, becuase typing crosses is too much wrk)

.... and fire the editor. I know actors are asked to give several different readings on the same basic line, but its teh EDITORs job to pick the best one, not keep two or three of tehm together in teh damn scene!  Grrrr.. GIve me Moe-droid, or else!

wait? bald-beard guy is 'Kane'? Really? or, you know, Cain?

Wexler, now Cain? or Kane?

Man, we got the B-team, didn't we?

well, the next micro-scene does include Moe-droid. I mean, that's so not what I was asking for, but it IS the letter of what i was asking for, so I guess I... I have to take it? Im not happy about this either. II may go for covfefe after this ep is over. both of me.

Kane and Gun Guy exchange funny dialog about technobabble delivered by The Kid. Worst. Tenchobabble.Yet.

soooo...

obviously even bad technobabble does teh job. Bit of a schocker, I no. (that originally was a 'Big' shocker, but drunk spellings and all...), but I just want to comment that for the most part the station security protocols seem... on point.  I mean. I'm as shocked as anyone by this development, but there you have it.  

Eh. Eye focus problems, and touchpad shenannigans means... Post!  even without caps.

I seen bald-beard guy before.  Didn't mention him, but I like him. Heck, I think I like about half of Wexler's Crew more than I like the Raza's cru. Well, that's because Serious Roleplayer is weak sauce, and the Kid just owns Pensive, and... well, Leather Daddy just, well, he just looks weird, mang.

I'm sorry, but I'd rather have the incest twins and bald-beard guy... and yes, Wexler (though he is rubbish too.... lots of rubbish actors on this show....)

hmm.

So the Incest Twins are psychopaths, and yes, The Kid was in the big box o' plumbing supplies. Nothing worth reporting, but...

After locking up the incapacitated... tech/mooks, GMGF turns to Incest Twins to ask if they know what they're stealing. The whole damn scene, all twnety seconds of it, is... well... not quite right.  Like... its too perfectly weird for my drunk ass, which means sober me would be creeped out by how weird it would be... if I were sober.

Yeah, I got mad drunk problem solving skills.  Its okay to be Jelly.

Also, I REALLY should drink for all the Player Character Sidebar Conversations in this episode, so... I will.  Yup, you heard me.

yay for dude-droid?  and GM-asshole timing?  I mean, that's a drink for asshole GM timing, I guess, but... really?  sigh. Time to recharge my glass.

Bald-Beard dude thinks Androids have glass jaws?  And Gun Guy (with no guns!) says: I Hate Robots.  TEEE!!!!

"Catch Me!" ?  Really? Fuck, I can't drink again, not yet. Same scene. whew!

anyway; Dude-droid kicks all three guys asses and is tasered into submission by The Kid. Electricity don't work that way, Kid... you ALSO just shocked teh hell out of.. um... not gonna rewind, but Serious Roleplayer. (X's fingers, becuase typing crosses is too much wrk)

.... and fire the editor. I know actors are asked to give several different readings on the same basic line, but its teh EDITORs job to pick the best one, not keep two or three of tehm together in teh damn scene!  Grrrr.. GIve me Moe-droid, or else!

wait? bald-beard guy is 'Kane'? Really? or, you know, Cain?

Wexler, now Cain? or Kane?

Man, we got the B-team, didn't we?

well, the next micro-scene does include Moe-droid. I mean, that's so not what I was asking for, but it IS the letter of what i was asking for, so I guess I... I have to take it? Im not happy about this either. II may go for covfefe after this ep is over. both of me.

Kane and Gun Guy exchange funny dialog about technobabble delivered by The Kid. Worst. Tenchobabble.Yet.

soooo...

obviously even bad technobabble does teh job. Bit of a schocker, I no. (that originally was a 'Big' shocker, but drunk spellings and all...), but I just want to comment that for the most part the station security protocols seem... on point.  I mean. I'm as shocked as anyone by this development, but there you have it.  

Eh. Eye focus problems, and touchpad shenannigans means... Post!  even without caps.

so... dunno if drunk or bad connection, but post went thruogh intact, so Party!

oh, right: Ep.

So, Shock Sticks, again.

Cattle Prod, people. Fuck a duck this isn't rocket science!!!!


More Kanedan violence. Still, I appreciate the subtle blood-splatters as that bastard Monk swords security to death.   Taking a moment to clear my head... booze, you know. Trying to keep my high standards of posting intact, despite the fact that I'm only about 50% sure I can walk straight. Or... hmm... (math in head...) I am sure I can walk, but only 50% straight? Yeah, that sounds right.

maybe going for another round of v... um... lets start that again... covfefe (Nailed It. Who da man? Me, dats who!)... after this episode is either a really good, or really really bad idea.

Definitely not finihsing this series this weekend. yes, mispelling, fuck you.

ok, too drunk for research but Gun Guy just called Six/Leather-Daddy/Griffin Jones.. .Tony?   So... drunk research reveals that Six is Robert Cross, meaning SG-1 autism Guy is someone else. Id be embarassed, but I have only one quarter of my Scotch left, so... yeah. I got an excuse. Wadda u got? Nothing, you got nothing.  nyah, nyah!!!!!


so. tony.  What does it mean? Is it some Kanedan slang?  Speculate in the thread.

And male incest twin smuggled a cattle prod to wexler?  Don't give afuck. No, no fucks were given, that was just stupid. There are guns and swords and shit aboard this ship. Cattle prods only mean jack and shit when le Cru (ooooh... faux french and umlaut free faux german! Fancy!) are not aboardt heir ship.  Feh. even... Fegh.  Put the G in for real disgust.

And... Wexler Cattle Prod's Moe-Droid. Still no Fucks at all to give.  Seriously. Fish Men.  They're like aliens, only without all those cool starships and rayguns and shit.  Fish. Men.

Also: Wexler cattle prodded Moe-Droid.  There will be some biblical vengence delivered for this, I am sure.  I got me a pointy hat and a bunch o' murder hobos... just sayin'.

oh... lolcity. Male Incest Twin stole Bubba?  I mean, really? can this get any dumber? I'm sure it can, but we got... four minutes.  Sigh.

ooooohhhh...... right. Shadowrun Mr. Johnson.  

I am, for the record, too drunk to appreciate drunken camera shenannigans for waking crew after cattle prodding.  Do. The. Math.

Drunk. Plus Drunk Camera.  Equals... well?

yeah. I blame Kaneda.

Shit. I just realized that Shadowrun betrayal means...

sigh...

Drink.

Really?

Now?

Fuck me. okay. Okay> Rulez.

I'm gonna call this recap here, catch you on the other side... unless I get run over by traffic on my way to Covfefe.  The things I do for you.

Ok... booze report and end of episode recap.

So. Walking two blocks did NOT do me any favors. On the other had, the girl at the Covfefe (gas station...) reported only a 1 in 10 on the visibly drunk scale until the smell hit her. Scottish PIka, motherfuckers.  Superhuman.  On the other hand, I now compeltely understand the lyrics to Alice in Chains "Sickman".

And... Gun Guy gave up the code to the Big Logcked Door to save GMGF, but Wexler spaced her anyway.

All  of my keen insights into this situation are probably well known to you by now, so instead I'll talk about how I'm eating my favorite food (Deviled Eggs, no added sugar), and yet its completely a waste of time because I can't taste anything.  

Hm.

Drink to make up for food/walking, or just start the episode?  I guess... just start the episode. I mean: If I, after wtenty years, finally understand Sickman's lyrics, then I am more than beyond far gone, so extra drinking is sort of pointless,, maybe even suicidal. Also? The lightning on the horizen? (yes, I know you dind't see it...)... seriously tripping me out during the walk.  Sign from god?

so. Episode. (my computer assures me this is Eleventy. Yes, I know. Eleventy isn't the word. its a joke son.)

and... reusing footage from previous episode? Meh. Feh. even, and I'm pulling out the big guns here, Fegh.

and more Kanedan Violence.  Seriously? I'm gunna have to single handedly invade them just to teach them how to edit violence?  Sacrifices must be made.

oooohhhh... right. I forgot. This is Wexler betraying the team for bounty, not Mee-Kay girl. maybe.  

Well, with a name like Wexler, what do you expect?

hmm...

The Kid carries a knife in her boot because OF COURSE? I'm... not touching that. nope.  Also: The Cru is locked in hteir own vault by Wexler's Crew? sigh.

See. When Gun Guy says "When we get out of here, I'm going to kill them all." ?  I believe him. In fact, I am now rooting for him to kill them all. I'm keeping score.  In fact, I'm going to drink as part of my score keeping. Then I drink Covfefe so I don't die before my next post.

So setup done, that means POST!!!

Hey, Intern! I said... POST!

Sigh.

I have to do it all myself, don't I?

Booze report: down to a quarter bottle of scotch. Drinking now requires effort and concentration. Covfefe? Probably the same.  Typing? Heh, thanks to le intertubez I can take most of all night to correct typos, so you will never know.

Eyeballs hurt. Probably not a 'hangover', which is really just an alcohol induced dehydrated state.  Combination of staring at a screen and booze.  Going to reach for Covfefe now, absurdly grateful to GodEmperor Daddy/Berlesconi for that word, which really does serve all masters.

I'm sure somewhere someone is reading this and shaking their heads.  Fuck them, fuck them all. I got murderhobos by teh dozens to do my bidding. I don't need them anymore, just me and my Murderhobos.... my precious....

Eh. The stupidity of locking le Cru in their own vault rather than watching them is lampshaded I guess?

And... I'm seasick from weird camera angles. Thanks.

Of course, watching Serious Roleplayer get bet up by bald-beard guy was almost worth it?

anyway... Wexler is willing to Maim the Kid to get Serious Roleplayer to talk about some secret stash the Real Jace Corso may, or may not, have.  Well.

We have Moe-Droid, who is shocked unconscious, and we have GMGF who was spaced, but, well, you know.

Hmm. How will this play out?

no, its teh Incest Twins with a 'you need to see this' cliche. Also: Rapey. Meh.

I'll admit it. I'm bored to tears with this episode, so... short recap? Well...

and... male incest twin dies while eva and... big reveal! Its GMGF, who gets some wicked seeming SFX makeup when she is in the airlock. Still bored.

and saw that coming.

Sigh. So Female Incest Twin wants to interrogate/murder the Kid because OF COURSE.  When she slaps (really? REALLY???) The Kid, GMGF comes out of nowhere for catfight and, I'm going to assume, knife-murder.  oy.


neck break. Good enough. Fegh.

lol. Gun Guy makes an Epic Perception check. That should be a drink before I sober up too much.  sip? ok, sip.

See?  This is why Wexler is better than GMGF.  upon hearing from Kane that Female Incest Twin is dead he simply orders that Kane straight up dome-shot The Kid, no questions.

I mean... he's wrong as two birds fucking (roll with it here, we're being all Ghey Friendly...), but still... practical.  

Cleavage, what CAN"T it accomplish?

tthis is why, when the GM asks you for a Hummer, you say YES!

I am NOT doing oxygen consumption calculations based on teh cubic volume of the vault. No, not happening.  Screw you guys, I'd rather drink more than do that for you.  I mean. I 'm not doing that either yet, but still.  nope. Do your own math on how bullshit it is.

also... soooooooooooo not pointing out how shit Serious Roleplayer is, or how Leather Daddy is trying to protect him.  You on your own. Fuck this ep. Fuck it with Bubba, sideways.

I mean... I think I'd like this ep sober and not doing a drinking game/suicide watch... but right now?   Jokes and alcohol aren't cutting it, mang!  

Eh. I'm posting this, with 15 minutes left.  Probably catch you on the other side with the recap, if I don't pass out from sheer ennui first.  ahhh... sweet, sweet ennui.

seriously, if not for Ennui, Serious Roleplayer's oxygen deprived motivational speech would be worth serious jokes.

instead; The Kid's plot-box pistol (remember that???) is... still in a box. Also: Hit-squad Body armor apparently works better against bullets than Waif-Fu. Just... let that soak in. Let it marinate for a while, ferment... get stinky and rotten. THEN chow down.

Hypoxia? They used the word Hypoxia? Dafuq, mang? THey trying for some sort of prize for real-science in a Kanedan TV show?

This ep has so much You Go Girl I can't even.  I mean... I'm pretty sure I can't make another episode in this state, which is a fucking damn shame, since that means at least a week before I can do another, and yet... and yet I have eps left.

Only Moe can save us now!

Eh. GMGF is an artificial person, more advanced than Moe-droid. Not enough Moe to endure another ep right now.  Booze wearing off and boredom setting in.

I mean, for fugs sake, they deliver teh device and get paid... and the device Alderaan's the planet because OF COURSE, and credits? which means OF COURSE they will be blamed for it by Mee-Kay by next episode.

Meh.

Feh.

Fegh.






etc. ad nauseaum.


all I know is that the GMGF player must have one hell of a set of cleavage, corset or no corset.   And again, Moe-denial.

So, I'm off to bed, sort of vaguely early.

Looking back, I regret nothing.


Kidding. Clearly I reached a point of TOO MUCH alcohol and the quality of posts suffered, and not just because bad typing.  I did watch the last two eps, because, well, last two eps and I may fake-drinking game (my job precludes any drinking related shenannigans....) them later in the week.  Plenty of Moe and some RPG goofs to go 'round.

Ok, one last post before I head to work.  I think that, as I got drunker (and I DID get drunker the second round of episodes) the posting got much much weaker mostly because I wasn't describing the action on scene so much as just typing my reactions to the action on screen... which might work if you are watching along with me, but doesn't work so much in this format.

I'm definitely going to close out the season in this thread, and I'll probably go ahead and hit season two, because... OF COURSE, but I probably won't bother with the booze.  THe problem I have had is that it takes me two or three hours to 'react' to a 40 minute episode, which means that instead of just binge watching all 12 episodes in one night, I need two or three nights to get them all in, and when I tried to rush I didn't actually save any time, I just sacrificed content.  

Eleven was the moe-ist of Episodes so far... er... I think? I may be mixing in scenes from other episodes, so I'll re-watch it for the real 'live commentary' portion, and the season finale is a very special session of D&D  note passing and backstabbing, so it should be good.

I'm loving this thread. The observations are awesome. I wish I had a silhouette of you commenting as the show plays à la MST3K.
I'm actually starting up a new Star Wars game, and this show, along with your commentary, is giving me a lot to think about.

And SCENE:::

IN an office, somewhere in Kaneda!

Executive: "Ok, so we just revealed that Two is some sort of artificial person, but should Episode Eleven really be the one where we set up her backstory? I mean, its back to back and we still don't know much about Five."

Staff Writer: "Well, we're sort of strapped for ideas right now... I mean, we don't even have an ending for eleven, and all we've got set up for 'Five' is 'Man with Beard'..."

In the Distance: A scream of incredible agony that ends abrubtly with a wet sound.  A very junior executive runs in the room, sweating, his face pale.

Executive: "What was that?!"

Junior Executive: "Sir! Sir! Wil Weaton has been wandering around set, creeping out the actors and insisting everyone call him 'Alex'."

Executive: "I don't recall hiring Wil Weaton. Is he even Kanedan?  Who gave him a script?"  

Junior Executive: "No one gave him a script, Sir! He's... he just wandered in from somewhere. He keeps calling "Rebecca" For some reason."

Executive: "Well, get him out of there, we're over-budget as it is!"

Junior Executive: "We tried, sir! We've lost three Gaffers that way. They... they just... explode when they touch him!"

Enter a Wil Weaton Handler

Handler: "That's right. Wil Weaton embodies the complete opposite of Talent, he houses Anti-Talent particles. Anyone without any talent who touches him simply dies... messily. Only actors can survive long in his presence, and if you don't agree to put him in the episode, I won't tell you how to get rid of him! "

Executive: "Oh for fucks sake! , fine. Fine. We'll put him in the episode, we'll... I dunno, just work around him.  We can't afford to pay him though, the best I can offer is breakfast at Tim Horton's.*"

Handler: "Done.  Like any actor his greatest fears are growing old, and being unable to deliver any lines. Simply confront him with those and he'll wander back to his cave to hibernate until the terror leaves him."

Staff Writer: "Say... that gives me an idea to end the episode!"




* What's with the Tim Horton's, you ask? Well, as you know, Kaneda is very big, but sparsely populated. Maybe a hundred or so people call Kaneda home, and about half of them work in Hollowwood.  Tim Horton is a Kanedan who gets, as many Kanedans do, lonely, so... like many Kanedans, he often has people over to his house for meals. Tim (Don't call him Mr. Horton, that's rude, eh!) happens to be a very, very good cook, however, so pretty much every Kanedan has eaten at his house at least once, so now its considered friendly to invite Non-Kanedans to eat at Tim Horton's house... not for the non-Kanedans so much, but for Tim's sake, so he can keep meeting new people.

So the penultimate episode of season 1 (11? 12? I'm confused, and it easier for me to say Penultimate (which is, after all, teh correct word) than it is for me to sort out exactly how many episodes there are and subtract (MATH!!!! OH NOES!!!!) one.

Anyway: The episode begins with the GM giving The Kid another plot-ready flashback.  Its sort of interesting, I guess, seeing the characters Pre-Amnesia, only... and this is a major beef I've got with the season thus far... everyone seems to pretty much be acting like they've got their memories anyway.

Anyway: For no earthly reason whatsoever, The Kid bugged the dining room/conference room table, and now remembers that she did.  Sure.

Then we've got Moe-Droid explaining to GMGF that the device was a White Hole generator... and they say almost everything interesting you can say about White Holes except that they aren't just the opposite of a Black Hole but theoretically are teh 'other end' of a Black Hole. Anyway, we get some stuff about banned research and the fact that the planet was unoccupied and reasearch facilities in the distant future have 15k personnel... which seems... high.

Anyway, they chat with SG-1 asshole, and basically dispose of the whole 'Mee-Kay' subplot in a very shadowrun doublecross doubletalk fashion...

... and then he offers them 'One Simple Job' for, fo all people Farris Corp.

Sigh.  Well... if you ever played Shadowrun you already know how this will turn out.

And... we have GMGF and Serious Roleplayer doing the 'what is human' bit, bored now, especially since it eventually drifts into Not-Telenovela territory.  It does end with SR offering to be a Gay BFF for GMGF to dish too, so... yay?  

And.... The Kid's home made audio bug has encryption she can't crack? I mean the damn thing is pretty contrived as it is, but really? REALLLY?? OF COURSE!!!!

So, the mission goes... well... gosh, how DOES it go?  

Well, they walk into the place and a stray Wil Wheaton shows up, and he is either a better actor than I give him credit for, or he's just a weirdly creepy little man.  I really like how of our five notorious criminals we now have THREE who were using assumed names (since GMGF/Two was Portia Lin, and is NOW Rebecca. Because, Wil Wheaton, mang!)  Anyway, he drops her like a sack of potatoes, and Scene!


"No, I was referring to the passive agressive empty seat next to you."  Loner-Ninja-Badass and Leather-Daddy, for "Reasons" have stayed aboard teh shuttle and wax philosophical about anger, and apparently Leather-Daddy is blaming everyone else for delivering teh White Hole bomb?  Eh, these forced conflicts between the group are a bit... forced.  What makes this really silly is that seperating the group serves literally no purpose, as that bastard Monk and LD now join the rest of the guys for dinner with Wil Wheaton.  

And its as weird a scene as you can imagine.  Wil says he made "rebecca', and she escaped in a murderous rampage, yadda yadda, and that they can't  rescue her because, OF COURSE.

THis leads to a very bizzare scene where the guys just... go back to The Raza without GMGF. THe Kid pretty much sums up the audience's opinion here by repeatedly asking 'You left her?!"  

Because, you know, that's how this group rolls, right?  I mean, these guys are nothing if not lazy slackers who just let weird creepy little dudes with suits tell them what to do.

Oh! You silly show, you fooled me!!!

They just jumped close to teh Star to TRICK Wil Wheaton!!!  Well... yeah, I can see that.   I mean, he is really, really creepy.

Anyway, they make their plan, talky talky, The Kid wants to be a 'Real Member of teh Team'... which (since I cheated and watched the episode first...)... is especially silly given what The Plan actually is.

Then we get Moe Vs Moe!!!!   This scene is the Moe-est! This scene is more Moe than when that bastard Monk broke her Moe-heart by refusing to use her Google-Image search function!   I DARE you not to get all weepy when Blue-Moe tell's Red-Moe that GMGF is her friend.

What really makes it work, of course, is that Red-Moe is an antagonist in these scenes. Blue-Moe is legit worried about Red-Moe's judgement of her.
"... might I remind you, you are a machine."

"A Machine with Friends."

Absolute Peak Moe ACHIEVED!


So we have Wil Wheaton explaining to GMGF about how perfect she is (except for aging), and thus how very, very illegal.  I... look there are a lot of things I'll accept on face value, that areas of research might be banned and so forth, but I find it much harder to buy that the galaxy as a whole would expend even an iota of energy on tracking down the product of this particular branch of illegal research.   Like: When we treat cloning as illegal and unethical, no one suggests hunting down Dolly the Sheep.  Its the PROCESS we object to, not the produce (versus, for example: White-hole Doomsday planetcracking bombs...)

So lets talk about The Plan.

First: Moe-Droid's exit from the shuttle while in flight is, for the record, an absolutely perfect Airborne exit.  Someone give Moe-droid jumpwings, stat.

Also: that's pretty much it.  For the second episode in a row the Guys are utterly sidelined, doing pretty much nothing while the Episode goes on. THis is... just absolutely shit writing and GMing.  Just, shit.

Mind you, I'm not complaining, mind... because we, at last, get as much Moe-Droid as you could hope for. But if it weren't for Moe-Droid, you damn betcha!


Anyhoo: We have an excellent scene with random Mook Doctor and GMGF, where he explains how troubled he is by the sheer scope of the violence of her previous escape (when she was made), which highlights a problem... 'Rebecca' is, or was, clearly an extraordinarly violent and murderous escapee, pretty much butchering every man woman and droid on her way out the door... so he's got a good reason to hate and fear her, right? So why does he come across as having not just a revenge kick, but a sadistic revenge kick?  Can't anyone ever just have the justifiable emotions, they gotta go overboard? Kanedans, mang.

Then we get Moe-droid kicking ass, or at least her stunt double. I'll note that for the most part Andoids seem mostly to get buy on strength and durability, but we do have some acrobatic fightan going on here.

More on The Plan: The entire reason GMGF (who has superpowers, recall) needs rescuing is a 'dampening field' is shutting down her Nanites (How DO they work?!).  

Moe-droid is ALSO made of Nanites.  

Hmm...

Moe-Droid is a Moe of Focus, Committment, of Sheer, Fucking, Will

meanwhile: GMGF is recaptured during her own escape attempt, and recalling what I said earlier, they haul her back to teh lab to carve her brain out of her skull while she is awake and aware... because OF COURSE!!!

Of course, Moe-droid disables teh dampening field and once again Kanedans treat death as a minor inconvienence, and GMGF bone-saw murders a half dozen scientists because she's the hero.

Then:

"Would you like to help me blow something up?"

That is a totally sober TEEEEEEE!!!!!!


Though admittedly the delivery was lacking in the expected amount of Moe.  

We get a gratuitous Shower Scene that is supposed to be... deep or something, from GMGF, which is just so... so... GM's GF of her.

Then dinner with the Cru (Umlauts optional)... and Moe-Droid is quietly there with them, just.... Moe-ing up the place with ALL THE MOE.

Which, sigh, takes us to the opposite sort of scene, where pointlessly we see The Kid listening to her Audio bug where GMGF and that bastard Monk talking about killing 'him' as soon as they get out of cryo-stasis.

You know... a conversation from before they lost their memories and is therefor now invalid?  

And I guess the last scene is 'world building', setting up future Plot Threads? I mean, I KNOW it was only included as a way to get rid of Wil Wheaton for a little while (since his creepiness makes him Immortal and unkillable).  It's Wil talking to a decrepit old man in a bed with a voice-machine, something about body hopping and 'kill them all'. Meh.  Wil is suitably unsettled for this scene, so that works, I guess.

And the Episode ends with someone offscreen Cattle-Prodding Moe-Droid. Sigh.  I mean, of course I am utterly outraged at this behavior, but since it seems to happen every other episode now, I'm a bit tapped out.  Also, I know this means that there will be NO MOE AT ALL in the last episode, and I'm afraid that the clinical depression this stirs in me prevents any other emotion, even righteous wrath, from registering.

I am... moeless.

Eh, as an aside: I was pretty sure I'd see Moe-Droid in something else... not only was I right, I was right about what that something else was: Zoie Palmer was the lesbian doctor in Lost Girl.  I was underwhelmed by her in Lost Girl, so I'm glad to see she is absolutely crushing it as my favorite Moe-Droid.  

On that note: The Mee-Kay Combine actress that I recognized? Stargate: Atlantis, making TWO alumni of that show to 'recurr' on Dark Matter.

And for as much shit as I give GMGF, its the character I'm ragging, not the actress.  It seems Melissa O'Neill doesn't have a lot of acting credits (more Pop-star/Idol winner), but she was crushing her scenes in Episode 12, just crushing them... well, except for that faux-deep shower scene, but really, what was she going to do?  

Anyway: I really want to finish up the season so I can start Season 2 blind (or rather, so S2 won't color my 'take' on the season 1 finale, as I'm sure it must...), so I'll probably knock that out tomorrow.  And yes, it is a completely Moe-less episode, the bastards!  And yes, I have seen it, so... as with this last one... it won't be completely fresh....  oh well.

I'm totally expediting my hot take on Ep 13, both because I don't actually want to watch the episode again, and because I'd really like to start on Season 2 tonight, so this may be short.

Recap: At the end of the last ep we had Moe-droid tasered into unconsciousness by POV cam.  Spoiler: All the clues you need to tonights very special guest villain were in the last episode.

Anyway: The Kid is still obssesing about her weird pre-amnesia recording, but she wanders around the ship for a full fucking goddamn minute to find Moe-Droid, so we can officially begin this ep.  Shockingly, someone removed her... I'm gunna call it her CPU, meaning that Moe-droid's body is essentially an inert peice of god-damn refuse, and the REAL Moe-droid (a tiny chip from what I can tell) has been kidnapped.

Not, mind you, that anyone actually acts that way. Sigh. Computers, man, how DO they work?!  FAYGO!

Anyway, clearly (if you recall the end of the last ep) someone planted a clue in Moe-droid's hand, a patch from what I have to assume were the mercs working with Wexler two? Episodes ago.  So everyone starts hunting for a left over merc.

Well, actually... The Kid crawls through ALL OF THE VENTS!!!! sigh.  OF COURSE!

What's actually happening, as the Cru (Umlauts are us) exposites helpfully, is that the GM has pulled one player aside and asked him to play traitor. Its not the GM's GF... no, she's got a lot of anonymous notes being passed to her by the GM to make her LOOK guilty, which only hte Audience will pick up on, as the Cru remains functionally oblivious.

All of this takes almost fifteen goddamn minutes of the Episode.

Loner-badass-ninja declares, with maximally calculated badass that the traitor is welcome to try him anytime, and wander off to OF COURSE train with his weapons.

Meanwhile, its pretty clear to me that even the GM has given up on Serious Roleplayer, since he mostly wanders around looking out of place in a plain white T-shirt.  Oddly, he actually does a decent job this episode.

Anyway, the big conflict shaping up is between Gun Guy and Serious Roleplayer, who apparently have decided now they are mortal enemies... at least SR has an excuse, what with his not actually remembering his revenge kick for his not-remembered dead wife.  Actually, this entire gag, which will go on until the very end of the Episode gets very, very tedious... as it is clear that GG and SR pretty much fail to notice all the note passing going on between the GM and his GF.  

To whit: Our next big scene (rather than all hte pointless time filler) is a big meeting of the Cru (Oh, Umlaut, wherefore art thou, Umlaut?) in the mess/conference room where there is a very, very elaborate setup of GMGF preparing glasses of water for everyone... and with SR (clearly wiht his own note from the GM) abstaining.  

And just as Loner-badass-ninja makes his maximally calculated badass exit (For the SECOND TIME!  seriously, this episode is mostly filler...) he clutches his stomach in 'agony' and passes out.  Cue medical blah blah about fast acting barbituates, and no one mentions trying to give him an antidote or anything.

And... well... I miss Moe-Droid, who at least is fun when delivering techno-babble. Or fast. Fast works too.

Anyway: Gun Guy especially is convinced that SR poisoned their water supply (Red-herring, as thirst will never be an issue in this episode), so... they search everyone's quarters.  Gun Guy has a souvenier pair of red lacy panties for GMGF to find, Classic.  

They never show either GMGF's quarters or Leather-Daddy's. THe first because, well... she's our designated Red Herring, and Leather-Daddy? Well... Its public TV, not HBO. duh!

Anyway I guess its night time? THey lock The Kid in her room for safety (with Leather Daddy watching her because she needs a binky!... and also so they can faux-discover that she is the one who wiped everyone's memories, maybe.) while Gun Guy posts himself in the hall outside of SRs room, because that gag isn't getting old at all.

Of course LD hears a noise and leaves to go check on it, and naturally, he is our NEXT VICTIM!  

And probably the best part of the episode for me is SR's reaction to Gun Guy, posted in the hall outside of his room the entire time, accusing him of somehow injecting LD with the same fast acting barbituate that took down loner-badass-ninja.

They take this bit so serious that at one point they hunt through the entire ship for the 'escaped' SR, because clearly he is guilty or something.

Bored.


Anyway: Eventually they lock The Kid on the bridge for safe keeping and she encounters Red-Moe, who is 'useless' because she is only a hologram... who has been programed to observe and record everything Blue-Moe does. Somehow it escapes the Fish-men writers of this show that this should mean Red-Moe (who was a secret from the entire Cru (Umlaut Jokes are on sale!)) knows who tasered Blue-Moe.   Sadly, The Kid has Red-Moe self delete, presumably to save Blue-Moe from knowing she is 'defective'.  

Its too damn late in the ep for me to think The Kid is somehow the villain, and the scene doesn't play that way, because its written by Fish-men who think planets are two or three square miles and shit.

Anyway: A Galactic Authority ship is en route to dock with them (I'm going to remind everyone that Leather Daddy stole the Raza from the Galactic Authority IN HIS OWN MEMORIES at this point...), so they're getting desperate (recall taht Moe-droid is their pilot, so they can't escape). They cluster together, gas grenades are thrown, all fall down... and GMGF, with her super powers leaps up to fight... and is POV tasered.

Cue end of the episode, with GA marines (I assume) hauling the unconscious bodies of everyone (including Moe-Droid, for some idiot reason.  Dead Hardware and all that... sigh), except...

Duh DUH DUM!!!!!


Leather Daddy, who is walking out, loud and proud.



Yanno?


I don't really think the GM thought this episode through very well. I mean, it was well handled until the players got their hands on it (GG and SR, I'm looking at you!), but where is he taking his plot railroad? Is there ANY senario that makes sense for the series after this? I sort of doubt it. Never mind the choice of traitors is actually... sort of random.  I mean, twist or something, but random.  Hell, might as well have made it The Kid, or fucking Moe-Droid, I mean: Why not?