So, I posted about the first episode of this TV show in the Television thread, and Noted some silly ties to bad gaming experiences.  Having nothing better to do with my Saturday Afternoon (er... nevermind, it would take too much work to explain that comment...), why not continue here.  This is in part a sort of 'Live Take Review' sort of thread, starting at Episode Two and continuing through, I assume, the rest of Season One.  I may actually pull out some booze in a bit just to make it extra spicy!

So we left off with our Phantom Class Marauder, the Raza, and its cru (Fuck me, I need to learn to do Umlauts) of amnesiac mercenaries figuring out they are the bad guys.  

First off we can sort of see that the GM's intentions for the characters don't line quite up.  I mean, the Gun Guy, the Monk, and the GM's GF are all believable as assholes, and The Kid is still a cypher, and the Android?  Eh.

But The Serious Roleplayer is not only playing The Bard, but he's a complete wimp. Can't buy him ever being a murderer and pirate. White collar crime? Maybe.   Also, our utility player (Six), while a big tough looking dude is also a bit... soft. Hard to buy his criminal record either.  

So, we've got a scene or two where the Gun Guy continues to play to type. We've got a scene or two where the Wimp... I mean the Serious Roleplayer... wants everyone to play hero, and The GM's GF explains that she's the boss because no one has stepped up to be the boss... does the Serious Roleplayer want the job? Of course he doesn't, because he's a fucking wimp.

Ain't that just like a Serious Roleplayer though? Offer them the party-leader job and they turn it down, but passive aggressively go on and on about what everyone should be doing?  

Also there is a scene with The Kid and the GMPC/Android that is... mixed.  I'll note that the show is going a different direction than the classic Star Trek/Data. The Android is still socially awkward, but the childlike innocence is played up more than they did with Data, helped by the actresses rather childlike voice.   She (the character) seems to get human behavior more than Data did, but instead doesn't quite know what to do with that knowledge.

And we close out the recap of the opening bits of episode two with another forced 'unresolved sexual tension'* between the GMs GF and The Wimp that ends with yet another 'Sexah but don't notice' bit from the GM's GF.  

I'm off to pull down my bottle of Monkey Shoulder, a good sized tumbler, and to watch more TV. I'll try to use Posts rather than Edits in this thread if that works better, and I'll try to post when I drink. Dunno how long this will last, but if I accidentally summon Pokethulu, well, you all will know to blame/invade Kaneda...



*I take this term from Television Without Pity, which was famously used to good effect in Farscape (in fact, by the end of season one they seemed to be writing the entire show around the push-pull UST), and will hearafter refer to UST for expedience. Unless I forget because alcohol.

Well... that was... weird. No drink yet, for shame, but...

So The Serious Roleplayer has a talky moment with the cute miner girl as they deliver guns, with the typical hollowwood platitudes about morality and good peoples an' shit, then Gun Guy is... um.. pre-raped?... by the weird looking miner woman.  No, like, he's all 'time to get back to the ship, yo' and she's like 'no, we gotta reward ya with song and drink' and he's all like 'um, nah, we're good'.. and then she grabs him and says "No! We WILL reward you with song and drink, motherfucker!"

Its... well, I had to comment on it, so there's that.

just took first drink. Damn its some smooth, smooth scotch. Burns good.

Oh. Right. Why.

Well, no single thing, but a combination.

First: The Kid randomly spouts GM fed plot advancement to GM's GF about 'well, Someone Stole our Memories'... this is more than just random amnesia talk, she's delivering 'word of god' here, and utterly out of left field.

Then a ship arrives, of course its the Megacorp (already? I mean, how fast did they expect The Raza to do the job and report back? Its been a day. Whatever.), and we learn that the Phantom Class Marauder is, apparently, the 'Name of the Shuttle'.  Le sigh.  They just keep piling on the stupidity with that, don't they? Why the fuck... whatever.  

So the Party is getting roped into this quest by GM fiat, or in the immortal words of some pulp detective novelist "When in doubt, or the plot slows down, have some mooks kick open the door and start shooting".

I may be paraphrasing that.

Second drink.

So, aside from some silly (GM's GF ignores hail from Farris ship, then Farris ship doesn't respond (initially) to her calls back 30 seconds later as she plays Amnesia Bluff with them... then the 'Big Threat' from Farris Corp is... seven guys.

But the Drink comes from... once again... Serious Roleplayer inserting himself to Parlay.

No, no... so the seven guys are marching in formation through janky abandoned factory, Killjoys Big Bad shoots teh ground and they exchange painfully trope filled dialog, and Serious Roleplayer literally runs in from off screen shouting 'Whoa, whoa, whoa!'

I almost expect him to shout 'Let me parlay! Parlay! I have got Seven points in Diplomacy!'.



Eh, before I forget, Six, the Utility Player, almost McCreeps on Serious Roleplayer when explaining that he's prepared to knock out Serious Roleplayer to keep him from getting involved in the Quest.  Whoa. Six is a leather daddy.

No drink for Kanedan bad fight choreography, which is good for my liver I guess.

No, seriously. So it was nine guys, but 'Parlay' means more Amnesia Bluff, and non-mook bad guy pulls the dumb shit move of 'agree to take offer to guys above, try to backstab instead' and gets throat cut by Monk/Three.

Despite being in a double column formation in open ground, under the gun, somehow its now a running gunbattle between the miners and the Megacorp team.   Mostly because nobody can shoot straight. I'm drinking while watching this and I can shoot better than that with my nerf gun.  Have you ever shot a nerf gun?  All the accuracy of a... um... drunk bullet?  Seriously: This is twenty paces with rifles.  A blind man shoots better than that!

Fucking Kanedans.




EDIT:::: OMG!!!! OMG!!!!  Body Armor in a TV show actually stops bullets from killing faceless Mooks?!!!!  Um... drink or no drink?   Oh, god... I can't decide. I got many many episodes left, so Ima err on the side of caution.

Ok, so I tried to let it go as long as possible, but the stupid...

So, first up the leader of the ship-to-ship parlay team is Mark Steyn?  Of course, he's the sort of asshole who doesn't respond when welcomed aboard, just walks past the GM's GF.

THey told The Kid to hide before the enemy parlay team arrived... so she takes a crawl through ventilation shafts? Er... okay? That's a.. good hiding place I guess. Then, when they cut back to her she leaves teh vent shafts for... Monk's Cabin (you can tell by all the swords on the walls...)  

Um.

Shit. I guess this is stupid player tricks for 100, alex. And that means I gotta take a drink.



Meanwhile, on the surface, dealing with the aftermath of the short but inexplicably even gun battle (Fucking Kanedans and their utter lack of understanding of violence...) naturally one of the random NPC miners accuses Our Heroes of cowardice for planning to leave now that the fight (this round anyway) is over, but Killjoys Big Bad is just has so much fucking gravitas that, well, it doesn't go anywhere.  THe GM is running a motherfucking railroad, and the Serious Roleplayer bought tickets for Everyone!



EDIT::: Oh, yeah, The Kid found the PuzzleBox, so maybe we'll get some Pinhead action on after all? A pika can dream, can't he?

So... more general stupidity excused as Exposition.

Seriously, folks. Okay, okay, I'll start at the very beginning.
,
Planets are BIG, M'kay?  Like... this place has a breathable atmosphere and normal gravity and everything, so its like.. I dunno... somewhere between Earth and Mars in size, just to make it as small as possible.

We have really fast airplanes and stuff, all sorts of fancy technology, yanno?

And it STILL takes all motherfucking day to fly around the entire globe. Like, without stopping and junk.  I just drove a third the way across a single continent and it took me two motherfucking days each way... on paved roads and shit.  

This planet has, seriously, something like a few dozen miners on it. I mean: they expected nine assholes (or five if you count the Raza as the first attempt) to clear the entire place out.   You could park some twenty million assholes on the planet without the miners even KNOWING about it. Because, you know, planets are FUCKING BIG.

NEW YORK CITY could be camped on this planet, lock stock and fucking five motherfucking burroughs, and the Miners wouldn't have to know shit from shinola about it.  Hell, you could park... I dunno.. Zambia on this motherfucker and the miners could be utterly oblivious.

And, I'll remind you, the actual Resource that everyone is excited about?

Not On The Planet.  Its in space. Its a fucking Asteroid. They just need a logistics base to work from, a place to park their mining crews when they are off duty.


Shit.


I think I broke my hand pounding on the table in frustration.*


Now... Steyn trying to buy the GM's GF into abandoning her crew on the planet while the Mega-corp goes all biblical on the miners and shit? That's decent.  Sure, I even like it. But someone, please think of my poor brain cells!  Seriously, I can feel them overcooking as they try to rationalize their way through the sheer moronic idiocy of anyone giving two flying fucks about 196 MILLION SQUARE MILES of empty fucking planet!!!!!!!!!!!










*no, I didn't, but it does send a pretty clear message about how very, very stupid this plot mcguffin is.

So... The GM's Railroad is working. The Raza is missing? (not really, I'm sure. I mean, Killjoys managed to surprise me here and there, but the Kanedans aren't that much more creative than Hollywood), and the party is now on the adventure properly, which means the Monk is all up in interrogating a bitch with his sword for information, including the tired hack cliche that torture doesn't work, but it sure is fun.

Maybe there's a twist where we learn that the asteroid full of mcguffin isn't the real prize, but instead some unusual gene sequence in the local miners grants immortality (Sorry... I got Casshern in the queue of things to watch...)

But given just how fucking Player Character the Monk got with his prisoner interrogation bit, I guess I need to take, if not a full drink than at least a decent sip.



Edit:::: OMG! Someone realized that a ship in orbit is, in fact, a great strategic asset vs men on the ground.  I... I'm touched! Or I'm touching myself... I'll have to figure it out and report back later.


EDIT::: False alarm. They're gonna assault the miner's nuclear reactor on foot with mooks or something. Sigh.  Well, I guess that saves me from a public indecency charge.

lolwut?

So... Gun Guy is all excited at the prospect of a coming gun battle, so... sip again, I guess.  I mean, he is playing to type perfectly.

But Leather Daddy is all like 'they've got an endless supply of bodies and bullets'.

Um...

No. No they do not. They have a single ship in orbit, a Destroyer. One ship. Now, these are apparently pretty big ships (based on The Raza), but even if its a troop transport (its not, its a destroyer, a light-gunship, designed to take out waves of fighter craft or fire-boats to protect ships of the line... or however that translates into Dark Matter's universe.) that still only means maybe a single company of infantry/marines... and given that we've seen (and captured) a light armored gun-truck already, that means considerably less due to vehicle support.

They've got maybe, and thats a very generous maybe, sixty guys or so.  Also: Those sixty guys are somehow expecting to manually blow up a nuclear reactor to plausibly deniability kill all the miners, so... um... yeah.

Not good odds, but hardly endless.  I mean... A single Sergeant York could win that fight and still have time for breakfast (he took 127 prisoners single handedly, if I recall my numbers correctly). Defensive advantage is 3:1, and its not the four Player Characters vs 60 mooks, its the Four Player Characters plus NPC miners vs 60 mooks, and guntrucks don't go down stairs very well, so we can wipe out the armor advantage due to terrain.

Seriously. Kanedans. Fuck em.


EDIT::: Player Character's Plan!  Take the enemy shuttle back to the enemy ship and take the ship!!! Goddamn! Fifteen minutes left in teh episode and I have to refresh my glass?  Oy!


EDIT::: False alarm?  New plan: Take the Marauder on a suicide run against the enemy ship?  I... I am disappointed. It still sounds like a PC plan, but... well... it just doesn't have the panache.  No drink for you, assholes.

Also... Clearly the Serious Roleplayer is upset to be losing his Leather Daddy on this suicide run. I mean: We all know PC's can't die in episode two, its all just a set up for fake tension, but still.  I'm guessing the GM's GF is barking up the wrong tree for UST, but like we expect the Kanedans to let the Gun Guy be a romantic lead, and it would be too damn progressive to let the asian Monk character (Raciss we much?) be the lead.

So.

They seriously are trying to make the Serious Roleplayer into the male lead? I mean: Given how raciss hollowwood is, they didn't leave much of an option here, but seriously: He's got all the gravitas of a wet noodle. HE even LOOKS a bit like a wet noodle.

THen the 'you all are cowards' miner mook does the expected back-stab to save his own hide.

Then, and the reason to post so quickly again: Gun Guy names his guns, specifically he has named his big honking rifle (and SOOOOOO COOOLLLLL!!!!) Bubba.

Luv.

It.



I may even drink to Bubba. I mean, its a bad idea, but still.  He should be the male lead, but as always he's being played as plucky comic relief sidekick.  

Where is Snake Plisskin when you need him?










EDIT::: Early posting alert: Other guns are Lulu and Pip, but he doesn't name the knife in his boot because he's not psycho!  A treasure, this man is.  I mean: Cliche as a three dog night, but a treasure.  I got dibs on Lulu.

So.

No one in Kaneda understands violence. This is a given. No concept of things like choke points. Defenders are shooting bad guys in front of them, behind them, right next to them... its a damn mess, and someone shorted the squib budget. Also: Idiots with guns are pulling pocket knives to stab people in the face left and right around here. I mean: If it were the miners I could forgive them for being a bit... unprofessional.

On the other hand, they did put some blood into the scene. Not much, mind you, but its lightyears beyond most battle sequences.



Sadly, I have to report that Killjoy Big Bad took a bullet. Time will tell if his Gravitas saves his life or causes his ultimately tragic but inspiring death.




Oh, and Leather Daddy/utility player doesn't get to do his suicide run at all, robbing us of even the illusion of tension, as the Marauder is overrun by miner traitor, taking him prisoner instead.  I am Shocked, Shocked I tell you!



EDIT::: This one isn't my fault. LD was taken prisoner BEFORE The gunfight scene, so how could I predict that instead of escaping the planet, the traitors and former prisoner would instead use him to force a parlay just before a commercial break?  

On the other hand, Gun Guy says what we always know about these scenes "I think they're going to kill him anyway", so... sip?  Yeah, I think that deserves a sip.  About damn time someone lampshaded it.  Besides: Bubba, Lulu and Pip, motherfucker.

Ok, so I thought I missed a scene, but I guess it was just... not badly handled, but at least creatively handled.

So, the Raza returns to the planet (shocked? I know, I know.. me too!), and the Farris ship shoots at them, but, you know, shields.

Then two more ships arrive. See: The Raza/GM's GF only left because Mark Steyn revealed that Farris's biggest competitor in the region was the Mee-kay Combine, so she went and rounded up a couple of Mee-Kay Cruisers to back her play. In, you know, an hour.

And she gets away with it, because she's banging the GM. Hopefully not at the table between dice throws, but we've all read the creepy stories (or, you know, been the creepy GM in those stories. What? I'm pleading the fifth, motherfuckers. You ain't got shit on me!!!!)

So... I guess Killjoy Big Bad's death was Gravitas Induced Tragedy of War?  Meh.

Also: More creative handling of scenes, as we return to Leather Daddy rescue, only all the mooks teleported back to the destroyer between edits, leaving Leather Daddy alone.  Fuck, I need to be drunker for that not to irritate rather than confuse.

Also: Serious Roleplayer is soooooooooo very ghey. Not Gay, mind you, Ghey.  Cute Miner Girl is practically begging him to stay on the mining colony (now part of the Combine I guess?),and bang her into next week,  and he's all... nah, I gotta stay on my ship because...

And then Leather Daddy interrupts, while standing in dramatic sudden rain, mind you, to say 'Lets go'.


SOOOOOOooooooooo Ghey.  Its sweet.  I mean, the GM's GF is gonna be so upset when she finally figures out that all her flirting is wasted, but still.

So Episode Two ends with needless expository explanation of interstellar mining law or something.  I guess, vaguely, that the miners have some sort of absolute rights to the planet because reasons?  Sounds well thought out, but that just leads to more questions about why they didn't take a damn penny to lease a continent or two to Farris rather than risk death and slavery, but whatever. Better than nothing.
 
Then The Kid does her River Tam bullshit and tells the GMs GF that she remembers (for some unknown person) uploading the amnesia virus into the program... cue plot drama going forwards I guess.

And Credits... well, I mean, the Monk finds his now open puzzle box which holds... no cenobites (damnit) but a signet ring. That's... pretty damn D&D I guess, and may link back to her first eye-ball gouging flashback, so.. yay?


Next Episode starts with Gun Guy trying to break up the band because reasons, and I notice that, apropos of his name, apparently he eats breakfast with a gun (Lulu probably) on the table right by his plate, because Gun Guy, duh.

Then The Kid wants to play a game with everybody, but nobody wants to play, so... she River Tams it all up in this bitch, crawls through some vent ducts (again), because they built that set, yo, and finds a dead body frozen in a box at random.

Seriously, I think the writers were playing a drinking game, or maybe triple dog daring one another, as they wrote.   Well, my fish people theory is still on teh table.


Anyway: After the opening credits everyone gathers while the android tells them everything the fancy scanner can tell them. Male teenager, frozen, shot in the kidneys (ouch!).  Well... that was... a let down.  

Naturally the Serious Roleplayer has to make a big freaking deal out of the practical matter of disposing of a random body they found on board.  I sorta... agree with the GMs GF here. What the fuck, dude?  Just... what?

Anyway: What does The Monk do while they wait to get to the space station?

Why, what any PC does with random downtime, he practices his fightin' moves.

And with that... I drink!

So, its pretty clearly a River Tam episode, with The Kid cast in the Role of River Tam.  Knowing that the Utility Player is also a Leather Daddy for the Serious Roleplayer makes it a bit awkward to see him emotionally comfort The Kid, but I'll get over it.

Anyway: Rather than going full on Psychic... I mean, um, Intuitive... Dark Matter is, I guess, trying to keep it all scientific up in this bitch. So... her 'dreams' of other people's memories is the downloaded memories wiped from everyone else. Sure, that sounds utterly shite, but I guess it beats... intuitive, so we'll go with that.

Of course, we get drama because only the GM's GF has been privy to this so far, but now Leather Daddy gets word and presto, bit group meeting/exposition scene to fill in a few blanks that ends with...



Plot by Something Happens. No, seriously. The scene ends with teh ship dropping out of FTL sooner than expected because... as the android puts it... Something Is Wrong With the Ship.

Well... yay?




EDIT::: So, they tend to give most Techno-babble to teh Android, because you would, and she spits that shit out like a motherfucking Rap God.  However, so far as I can follow it, most of what she says is actually... well... real?  I mean... she's not routing tachyons through the emitter array or some bullshit.  Its a bit deliberately vague, but... as with just now... she talks about the ship ejecting a bad coupler, like a busted fuse.  I mean: More details might be nice, but then we'd risk bad engineering or something.  Look man, I'm buzzing pretty good here and she hits somethign like two hundred words a minute when techno-babbling... just trust me when I say it sounds like someone is actually trying to keep it vaguely scientific, instead of just sciency sounding, m'kay?