So, at a price of 20 pence a pop, I thought what the hell and picked up this Mill Creek boxed set.

I'm not sure how they manage to label the package as classic, but there you go, maybe they meant 'vintage.' As far as I can see the set contains maybe 6 – 8 films that may qualify as cult classics and the rest are little-known oddities. But that's half the fun!

With 2 films to each side of a disc and the disks being double-sided, I knew the transfer quality would be bad, so as I work my way through them, I'll note the quality, but I'll try not to let it affect my review.

I'm going to try to make my way through as many of these bad babies as I can so you don't have to!

To get me going, I thought I'd try to pick something that had a chance of being half-decent so as not to put me off my endeavour before I begin.

With that in mind, I noticed a film starring Barbara Steele. As I remember her from Mario Bava's cult classic Mask of Satan (otherwise known as Black Sunday), I thought it'd be as good a place to start as any.

I'll be using the 'B movie' system of marking, from B1 to B10. Who knows maybe some hidden gems actually rate an A1 or A2?

For your delectation, I present...

Long Hair of Death

Picture Quality – Poor
Sound Quality – OK
Script Quality – Actually, a decent script for a B movie
Laughable Quotes – None

So, here we have a B&W film set in ye olde times of 1499 (although I did spot an acoustic guitar masquerading as a lute in the background of one scene). It's the old story of a witch burning, the witch's final curse, and the revenge.

The burning is unusual in that they build a straw house and place the witch inside before lighting it as opposed to the classic "at the stake" job. It's quite effective and some of the cinematography here is pretty good (as throughout the film).

Anyhoo, the curse is uttered and you know what's going to happen at the end of the film, just not how you're going to get there. The witch's eldest child is also murdered, whilst the youngest is allowed to stay at the castle for some reason. Even stranger is that the son of the Baron marries here.

Anyway, it takes an hour for the curse to get going, after which there's a ridiculously over-complicated murder attempt, some decent stop-motion resurrection scenes of the eldest daughter coming back to life (Barbara Steele), even a bit of booby, but it meanders on for too long.

The 'twist' ending was given away in the first few minutes of the film, is foreshadowed more twenty minutes before it happens and so it ends disappointingly. However, overall it was what I was hoping for – a film that got me going without putting me off carrying on.

Score – B4
Conclusion – If it were 30 minutes shorter I'd have marked it up a point. Watchable

Curse of The Headless Horseman.

Picture Quality: OK
Sound Quality: Adequate
Script Quality: Adequate
Laughable Quotes: "We don't eat pizza, we inhale it!"

So, a bunch of achingly hip stoners inherit a ranch. They have 6 months to make it a profit making endeavour or they lose the inheritance. I guess this was made in the late 60s or early 70s.

Oh no! A curse afflicts the place and there's a headless horseman about!

Sadly, there's no curse, and although there's a headless horseman, his main crime is throwing blood at people, which causes them to run around and ultimately die.

In the end it's a Scoobie Doo plot - shock horror, there is no headless horseman, it was all a plot to get tourists to the ranch.

Or is it?

Pretty weak, but it gets bonus points for a country score that was obviously performed by the cast/crew, and general enthusiasm.

Oh, and there's one of those annoying narrators that add nothing but seem clever at the time.

Score - B3

Conclusion - If it wasn't for those pesky kids!

I don't understand your scoring system, but the write-ups are great!

Quote from: danbuter;535683I don't understand your scoring system, but the write-ups are great!

Ta!

Most of these films are amateur B movies, so i thought i'd rate them from 1-10 (10 being best), but as there may be a few that qualify as 'proper' films, i thought i'd better rate them as B1-10 (denoting a B movie) or A1-10 (denoting what might just qualify as a professionally produced film).

The Sound of Horror

Picture Quality: OK
Sound Quality: OK
Script Quality: A bit cheesy, otherwise OK.
Laughable Quotes: After the housekeeper is killed - "I dunno what it is but it doesn't like the kitchen." Even more amusingly, the female leads look less than amused by this attempted zinger.

OK, this is gonna be longer than previous ones because it's better than them, but still has some issues.

A B&W Spanish film about some archeologists trying to unearth treasure they've been searching for 15 years.

Unfortunately for them, there is an 'egg' from prehistoric times in the dig which gives birth to a monster. Luckily for the film-makers, the monster is invisible. However, the approach of the monster is pressaged by some decent sound mixing, which actually reminded me of Raimi's work on the Evil Dead trilogy (thus the title, Sound of Horror).

There are some pretty cheesy moments, and one amusing one where some alledged Greek dancing is accompanied by some woefully out-of-time clapping.

Mind you, it also stars Ingrid Pitt in a pre-Hammer role, so it's not all bad!

The pacing here is much better than previous films in this set and it takes the form of a more traditional film more professionally made. As such, i'm going to give it 2 marks.

Score: B8 or A3
Conclusion: Worth watching for an early Ingrid Pitt appearance and maybe as a pre-cursor to Sam Raimi's sound mixing techniques.

where did you find these films? if the boxset is cheap enough i may pick a copy up for the lulz

Quote from: Broken-Serenity;536189where did you find these films? if the boxset is cheap enough i may pick a copy up for the lulz

It's a Region 1 import that i picked up from Amazon with the import duty already paid.

ahh is this the one that comes with Manos the hands of fate? coz i think somebody on tbp already beat you to it with the reviews if it is.

Quote from: Broken-Serenity;536464ahh is this the one that comes with Manos the hands of fate? coz i think somebody on tbp already beat you to it with the reviews if it is.

Indeed it is.

I'll still post my clearly superior reviews though.

Well that thread died a death, was on tbp and the guy was'nt a brit so yeah obviously

Now i've got a start, i thought it was time to fully enter into the spirit of this box-set.

With that in mind, i now review a film from one of the B movie greats.

Roger Corman's The Wasp Woman.  

Picture Quality: Good.
Sound Quality: Good.
Script Quality: Good overall, with a few clunkers.
Laughable Quotes: Nothing springs to mind, which is a miracle given the film's subject matter.

A B&W film from 1960, this concerns a scientist's research into "wasp jelly" rather than bee's royal jelly.

The owner of a cosmetics company takes on the scientist after he is fired from a bee farm (understandable - wasps and bees don't tend to mix well).

He has managed to make a formula that rejuvenates.

What follows is the main clunker in the film. As he demonstrates the formula, he injects an ageing guinea-pig...Lo and behold it gets younger! and turns into a white rat - i shit you not.

Anyhoo, the nutter cosmetics company owner decides that she wants to inject the stuff into herself. Sure she then starts to look 10 years younger, but fuck! The serum turns her into a killer wasp.

This is a decent B movie, but actually showing the wasp-woman is a mistake, 'cos she's awful.

Mind you, the wasp woman's secretary is hot, so swings and roundabouts.

Score: B5
Conclusion: Solid B movie, but the make-up is pretty bad. Less is more.

Sisters of Death

Picture Quality: OK
Sound Quality: OK
Script Quality: Inconsistant. By turns decent and then the script doesn't really match the action - with people jumping to conclusions that aren't readily obvious.
Laughable Quotes: "Those scissors are enough to scare anyone off!" Well, a leprechaun, anyway.

I'm being a bit harsh on this one, because i like it. It's a 1977 colour film that looks like it might have been made for t.v - or maybe it was just cheap, who knows.

A sorority initiation goes wrong and a girl dies. Fast-forward 7 years and the 5 remaining girls get invitations to a reunion. They all think the others set it up etc and i'm not sure why they'd want to go anyhow.

Anyway, after this beginning that is reminiscent of the way Stephen King draws the main characters back in IT, the girls are driven to a remote ranch by a couple of chancers. There's some nice talent among the ladies and one that has 'dead-meat' written all over her with her proclamations of doom and wotnot. I wonder what happens to her later?

Oh, wait, 'dead-meat' turns up dead!

What follows is a decent suspense film in which there are more twisty-turny things than a snake. There is some tension and although there's little horror or gore it's a decent little film.

It also has a really good last line.

Score: B7 (if the script were stronger i'd mark it up to B8)
Conclusion: Don't believe a word.

Because i couldn't resist the title...

Prisoners of the Lost Universe

Picture Quality: Excellent
Sound Quality: Excellent
Script: Professional.
Laughable Quotes: None, although i did laugh at some lines. There's humour!

So, Apollo from the original BSG, the dwarf from Hawk the Slayer, and John Saxon! star in this film.

Wow. That's a good start right there.

I've no idea why this is in a horror set, as it's a fantasy film.

It starts on Earth and then switches to an alternate reality via science!

There are special effects, an actual score and acting!

Fuck - that sets it above everything i've seen so far.

This is a pretty decent film. Fighting, erm, more fighting, a bit of Beastmaster-like fantasy monsters, a friendly caveman, and John Saxon as a nasty warlord! I bet he wishes he was back on the set of Enter the Dragon.

Anyhow, this is as good as the original Beastmaster film. YMMV.

Score: A3
Conclusion: If you like cheesy movies that are professionally made, you can do worse than have a look at this one.

So, erm, here's Horror of the Zombies

Picture Quality: Good
Sound Quality: Good
Script Quality: Words can't express...
Laughable Quotes: Too many - see review...

A colour film - this is the story of some models who happen to be on a yatch (actually a tiny boat) who happen across a ghost ship...

"Lauren just went aboard that creaky monster! Please hurry, it's scary!"

The employer of the models wanted them to sail about a bit and be caught in a shocking lesbian clinch to feul sails of his 'yatch'

"Those girls work for me! That's why i pay them!"

Anyhoo, fog descends on the models, one of them climbs aboard the galleon, the other stays put..."I fell asleep for some stupid reason. It's the heat! and the fog! I can't take it any more!"

Aboard the galleon, skeletons (not zombies) emerge from packing crates (why!?)

Jesus, 50 mins to go...

Glaciers move quicker than these zombies...

Aha! Rescue is on the way via the models employer and a quack scientist..."That strange mist isn't normal!"

God 45 mins left.

"Ready the small boat!"..."I think it's better to use the big boat."

Jeez, how many boats are there? I only saw a small one.

So, the rescue climbs aboard...

"This mist isn't real. Neither is this authentic galleon!"

Really? I don't deserve this kind of punishment.

They wander around the galleon a bit and decide to rest...

Whereapon the employer and scientist have a spat. This is all said by the same character...

"Get out!" - "Where do you think you're going?" - "Stay here!"

I give up.

Score - Minus a gazillion.
Conclusion - Don't waste your life like i have...

I saw most of the films.Great rewievs.
"We don't eat pizza, we inhale it!":D